


You're not falling - You're just flying down (Till air will leave your lungs then you hit the ground)

by Maegalkarven



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 19 chapters after, A lot of running around/traveling/getting into adventures(ahem troubles ahem), A slight Lance/oc at one moment, Allura it's your turn now join romance side, Also Lions care about Lance more than team and season 2 did, Attempt at Humor, Coran. Bc i love Coran ok, Don't hurt my son i'll hurt him myself, F/M, Future Shallura, Gen, Homesick Lance (Voltron), I can't believe it Shatt actually happened, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Keith and Shiro are Adoptive Siblings, Lance (Voltron) Has ADHD, Lance (Voltron)-centric, Lance have died at least once and has to face consequences, M/M, Mutual Pining, OT3 Matt/Shiro/Allura as endgame, Previous red paladin king Alfor and yellow paladin Allura, Rolo & Nyma, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Shiro is ShiroGONE but not for long, So does Lance but he has no idea, Swearing, Watch them getting from 0 to 100 because they're established already, and he loves his adoptive children. All of them, broganes, im not bitter you're bitter, kids are very stressed and deal with it as they can, lotor - Freeform, minor shatt, minor/future hunay because i had to, tfw then you try to write shalluratt ot3 but have +16 chapters before Matt even gets into fic, very poor one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-09-27 22:10:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 70,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10053593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maegalkarven/pseuds/Maegalkarven
Summary: In which Lance sees strange dreams about people  and places he has never seen, Shiro is missing and travelling through universes isn't as enjoyable as sci fi made it look.Something alike to reincarnation AU where Lance was an altean prince once and now past tentatively reminds him of itself.





	1. My life is a musical, I know how to put on a pretty pathetic show

**Author's Note:**

> Because after reading all >200 pages of Klance fics i suddenly decided to write something myself. I blame my maladaptive daydreaming for it. Also i'm not native english speaker, so forgive me for all mistakes i did.  
> Also my first work in the fandom (or on english tbh).  
> Why do i hate myself so much.

Alright, it's not like all this deal wasn't expected. On the contrary, knowing Shiro's clear favoritism for Keith and his "last" (but not like, final, as team was more than adamant to find and drag their leader back. No death wishes and death actions. No, nah, nul, thank you very much!) wish for Keith to lead Voltron, this was actually the most expected thing to happen.

Keith as a leader. The boss man. The head of the body, the brain of the system.

Meaning Keith had to pilot Black lion.

What actually...complicated a lot of things, things like "the most picky lion of Voltron without a pilot". See, real problem here! Was successfully solved later though, surprisingly fast, practically by the accident.

Which still didn't mean Lance liked the result even at slightest. Or going to oblige for what's worth.

"Lance-"

"No."

"LANCE."

"NOT EVEN BY A CHANCE NOR ACCIDENT, NOT IN A DREAM OR A NIGHTMARE. Nein, nihil, neniu, NO-"

"Lance, stop being such a baby! You're the only one but Keith Red is letting in!"

"So, the Big Red likes me, _and_? Your point? As you see, _my_ point is, everyone likes me, I'm just that likeble guy! Humans like me, aliens like me, giant space robot lions like me, damn, I bet even Zarkon somewhere deep down in his cold dead heart feels something slightly alike to sympathy. Zarkon!" he moved his hands around widly, gesturing for empathis. "Yellow often lets me chill inside him then Hunk's busy, Green tolerates me around even then she feels especially moody, Blue and I are practicality two halfs of the same soul, so why Red admitting my clear awesomeness is such a bummer? I bet even Black will let me in as well, does this mean you want me to lead Voltron?" Venom in his voice was close to deathlike.

Lance felt a lot like cornered wild beast, desperately biting back yet losing fight with every minute.

"What?" alright Pidge, that hurt. Lance knew he wasn't actually the most skilled or brain-powered one there, but still a little support wouldn't be a waste. "Black doesn't even let Keith in now and mind I refresh your memory: Keith piloted him once already!"

" _Even Keith!_ " mimicked Lance, gesturing to said boy with grimace what in all could be called full of malice. "Well then, let _even Keith_ pilot his goddamn lion, because I DON'T WANT TO!"

"You're hurting her feelings!" et tu, Brute. Hunk, the nicest human and probably nicest amongst other species as well, always thought about everyone's feelings. Huge sentient mechanical lions included. But Lance-train was only gaining speed.

"Oh, do I? I greatly apologise then! I couldn't even _imagine_ how could it feel to be neglected like this!"

"Lance, this isn't the time," Allura, the mighty princess, a voice of reason.

"Oh, but isn't it always? Somehow it's never the right time then it comes to what I have to say! _"Lance, this isn't the right moment", "We can't get distracted now"," Let's complete our mission first"._ Well, hello here, we're guardians of peace in the middle of intergalactic war, our mission won't be over anytime soon! And you just can't believe Black would let someone as _unleaderlike_ as me in, do you? Well then allow me to demonstrate you this little showoff of mine!"

The distance from one lion to another wasn't that big, especially for someone empowered by pure force of poisonous mix of jealousy, anger and bitterness.

 _They don't think you're worth anything_ , he thought, words sinking deep into his mind, into guts, pulsing through veins.  _They think you're less than Keith, always thought so, and you're supposed to be his shadow yet again, piloting his lion just as you took his place in Garrison, being reminded now and then how Keith is ALWAYS better._

Lance knew he was petty, he was well aware of it; but the tight knot deep in his throat, growing with every day without their leader, every moment his voice was ignored in discussions they tried to hold, every single of his ideas being dismissed, clouded his mind, freezed his clear thinking.

 _I know_ , he thought with sorrow. _I know what I'm useless, selfish and pathetic, you don't have to remind me._

A deep purr full of worry and soft affection echoed in his mind. Even at his lowest, Blue never left Lance's side. Even then he practically run away from her, moved by pure force of pettiness.

Somehow piloting Red, even entering Red's cockpit felt like a betrayal towards his lion, while marching in general direction of Black wasn't. _Speak about twisted logic._

He was distinctly aware of others calling his name, following right behind. In the retrospect, it could have ended dangerously. Shield could stay where it was and Lance would get ugly damaged and not to mention how it would look from aside. The worst could happen, and yet it didn't.

The moment before Lance's body was going to hit the shield, it disappeared, air filling with static. Voices behind him got suddenly quiet, steps cut off mid movement. For a tic it was only gentle humming of energy around. Lance stopped at once, but then hestitantly made two steps forward, holding hand in front of him. His palm met the calming cold of a metal and he taped gently on the front panel of a huge lion head in front of him.

"Sorry for intrusion, big guy," he apologized earnestly, voice gentle. "Had to prove a point."

 **Not going in? Won't try to pilot me?**  words in his mind appeared; slowly, like Black just couldn't care to fasten. For such big and ancient creature like Black time sure held no great importance.

"Would you allow me?", Lance asked joking, yet tentatively. Something in Black's presence made him behave, like a restless child calms down under the strict teacher's gaze. It didn't feel exactly like around Shiro. While Lance respected their leader and admired him back before Kerberos even happened, Shiro's voice of reason usually reached him lucky if once in two tries.

Black didn't even try, didn't even look, his stern presence itself stopped Lance from any reckless moves he could otherwise do. It felt like standing in front of a favourite mentor, not daring to do any move, fearing to disappoint. Distinctly familiar, though Lance couldn't exactly pinpoint where and when he felt like this before.

 **Perhaps** , an answer came.  **I** **f asked** **politely**.

Lance laughed at that, aloud, wrinkling his nose and snorting.

"Sorry, but I'm faithful to my beautiful lady."

"How did you do that? He wouldn't even talk to me!" Keith's voice cut air as his knife would supposedly cut almost anything, sharp and on full of pointy edges.

Right, _about that._

He probably should have been feeling joy. Point proven, teammates shocked into wonder, jaws down and eyes wide. But joy didn't come, neither pride, nor any other blissful positive emotion.

Lance turned around, trying to avoid direct eye contact with said teammates (one space princess in addition).

"What, our superhero has never been rejected before?" alrighty, maybe jokingly-offensive tone wasn't the best possible choice right now, but as some unknown genius said, offence is the best tactic of defence. Keith frowned, as did everyone else, surely not appreciating his friendly nature. "Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get used to it!"

"Lance," it was Allura this time, voice stern, look - even more. "This really isn't the right time, so just answer the question. Why did Black let you in so easily?"

"I'm just charming like this, even the head of legendary Voltron can't resist my blinding personality."

Honestly, what Lance was supposed to tell them? He didn't exactly know why Black put the shield down, like he haven't knew it before launching himself straight into it. He just...had a feeling? Intuition. His instincts told him so. Which was really ironic, considering what "action on a pure instinct" was Red paladin's main way to behave.

Not to be ungrateful or something, but why exactly Black listened to his internal pledge while ignored all efforts Keith made to bond? Why Black, Shiro's loyal lion, chose Lance over Shiro's protege?

 **He didn't ask my opinion on the matter** , the answer Lance didn't actually expect to hear came.  **A** **nd I'm not letting people in just because Takashi said so**. **The Red child could have tried to ask permission first,** **instead of demanding what he thinks is rightfully his.**

_But I didn't ask permission either?_

**You did, just not today. Permission was granted, and you had enough manners to act as it should and show some respect.**

_That was...really clever of me?_  

"Lance?" right. People were talking with him. Same people who asked him questions, the ones what were waiting for answers.

"Sorry, spaced out. Black said he," Lance paused, thinking how to say "doesn't give a fuck about Shiro's decision" without actually saying it. "Keith, I mean, didn't ask permission? And what Black isn't going to accept someone just because Shiro decided what it's how it should be? Um," he licked his lips nervously. "So, yeah?"

"And he let you why?" it might be Lance's imagination, but seemed like Pidge wasn't really buying all of this. "You asked nicely? While sprinting on the high speed? Internally screamed _"Oh great and mighty Black lion, I humbly beg for your permission to enter"_?" and you didn't need a high degree to notice all that sarcasm in green paladin's words.

 **I like this one** , hummed Black thoughtfully. **If anyone, they should have piloted me while my paladin is away. They're Takashi's favourite for a reason.**

"Wait, are you saying, _Pidge_ is Shiro's fav? Not Keithy boy there, Pidge? Like, our resident science gremlin?"

"Hey, I can hear you! And...wait, i'm Shiro's favourite? Ha, eat it, losers!"

"Yeah-yeah, gloat over all you want, but the point still stands. Wait, two points. First: yes, I can go through Black's shield because apparently Black likes me enough to let me in - more than he likes _some particular Mullet_ at least-"

"Leave my mullet out of this!"

"I'll leave it then you'll grow some taste and deal with such monstrosity. Anyways, point number second: Red and I? We just not destined to each other. Look, I don't even mind Keith - of all of people, Jesus, can you see it? - lead us. But im not wearing his clothes after he grows out of them!"

"No one asked you to wear my clothes, what are you even talking about?"

"It's a metathor, google this word sometimes-"

"Yeah, Pidge and I still haven't figured how to make internet or it's analog work-"

"BESIDES THE POINT, HUNK, though my dude, I have to say what I appreciate all effort you put in this hard work of yours and I love you."

"Aww, man, I love you too."

"Gross."

"Paladins, we're getting distracted from the main topic," the princess was quick to stop the fun spreading around and turn their attention to the thing in question. "And Lance, while I understand your wish to stay with your lion and your worry about her, I assure you I'll make sure Blue feels as comfortable as situation allows, while I must insist for you to take Keith's place and pilot Red until we'll be able to locate and return our leader back." Allura, politic to the brains, smooth and careful with words as ever.

"You say you'll be able to pilot Blue as she's the most accepting of all and you had strong connection to her previous pilot," he winced. Something about this information, about this previous Blue paladin rubbed him the wrong way. Was it jealousy? Was he worried he doesn't deserve his girl and felt antagonistic towards unknown person who held his position before? "But none of you even considered another option: why won't you try and pilot Red? We all know she's a little difficult to handle, but you're the princess of Altea, you're the most expirienced from all of us, and you haven't even tried yet!"

"This," princess started, but got silent quickly after that. "Isn't that bad idea actually. It would appear to be a good alternative."

"Yeah, good thinking, Lance. It could actually work."

"Nice save, buddy." Hunk gave Lance the warmest smile ever, but frowned a little just after that. "Keith, would you be alright with that? We all get what Red is your girl no matter what and none of us want to trouble you."

Lance wondered why would princess in a position of Red paladin would possibly offend Keith more than Lance in the same place.

Sure, after the whole galra-related Keith's origin was revealed, things got...tense for a while; Allura had hard time to accept one of her closest allies as related by blood to the race what played the main role in Altea's fall, and Keith was trying to adjust to the changes as well as trying not to get affected by princess' cold shoulder attitude too much. But things got better, Allura slowly came around, admittng what everyone knew from the beginning: galra or not, Keith was still their hothead lawbreaker with awful fashion sense.

Well, Lance might have twisted her words a little, but the point taken, right? Because the point is, Keith and Allura were fine. Not best friends as Lance, Hunk and Pidge were,not on the same level of sibling mind-reading as Keith and Shiro, but they were fine. Teammates, friends, mutual respect, all junk. So compared to Lance and Keith's endless bickering and rivalry, they had things going just great.

Which, again, left Lance to wonder why Keith, who looked reluctant and not very excited with the whole "Lance and Red, buddies for century" idea, but eventually came around, would mind Allura in the Red seat. 

"I think I'm fine with it," Keith said, looking a little uncertain, either confused at the concept of Allura in the Red's seat or him supposed to be troubled by it. 

'It's decided then!' honestly, for someone who was awoken from 10000 years sleep in cryopod to find out all her nation had been destroyed by someone they once trusted, Allura was surprisingly enthusiastic individual. "Oh, and Lance?'

'Yes, princess?"

"You can stop clinging to Black's side now, you have proven your point."

Lance stepped aside from lion, feeling a little flustered and caught out of guard, like a kid, reaching for sweets hidden for after lunch what just had an eye contact with their parents.

"Yeah, sure," he took his hand away, feeling strange tentative loss. Black wasn't like Blue, that's for sure, but something in him made Lance feel nostalgic, aching for the past he never knew, people he never met. "My bad."

**Lance.**

Had others notice how he flinched as he turned his head back to giant lion expectantly? God, he hoped they hadn't. He had a lot of strange unexplained things happen around already, there were no need to add suspicious group of friends to that.

_Yes?_

**Try not to die this time.**


	2. Oh I remember that feeling, I must be dreaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which camping in front of lions is the best tactic ever, "I cradled you in my arms" time happens and dying SUCKS.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must really hate myself.  
> "It will be slowly updating",she said. "I'm not fast writer", she said. *looks at 15 pages word doc* kill me pls  
> This chapter is shortie tho, as i keep writing things what are supposed to happen FAR INTO THE FUTURE. Welp.  
> Anyway, response to the 1st chap melted my heart and bless you all for staying with me.  
> ("I'll try not too hurt Lance", she said. *cradling every single angsty song what got me into Langst mood* I feel no shame.)  
> Also i have so many ideas, let's hope i'll be able to actually write them into this.

Lance was having a dream.

Dreams themselves weren't such a wild concept for him - sure, he had some especially bright ones, like this one he had then he was eight or nine and had a serious cold what resulted to pretty convincing fewer induced nightmare full of extremely fluffy rabbits. His biggest mistake was to tell older siblings the plot of the dream. After the real nightmare kid's life turned to due relentless teasing of their fewer induced dream looked kind of bleak. Thing is, dreams are not strangers to Lance.

This one particular dream felt different though.

Lance once heard what life itself is no more than just very slow dying, turtle speed process of body wearing itself down, rotting. Day by day, minute by minute, second by second. He have been informed as well, by his extremely melancholic cousin Alfred, what,apparently, sleep "is the closest to death state of body and mind". Lance didn't actually have a strong opinion on the whole "death is inevitable, we're rotting with every moment passed" topic.

He, however, wouldn't mind to know what exactly happens with people after death. Do they just...die? Dissolve into ground, soul leaving the body? Where does soul go, if it even goes anyway?

Unfortunately, in the concept of flying in space on a giant lion robots, saving the world from horrendous space tyrant (every word sounded cooler if you just added space to it, Lance was a space expert of that), The Ultimate Question of Life, The Universe and Everything seemed a little bit...not relevant. Like curiosity or not, but if Lance would keep being distracted by metaphysical questions in the middle of battle, he'd risk to find out an answer on the question of his far more earlier than intended.

So he kinda...let it go. For a while.

And yet there was this dream. This dream he had bad luck to get, it was...Awful it was, to speak the truth. Lance honestly wished it would be just a dream with rabbits instead. Rabbits couldn't stab him in a stomach with a big fucking sword. 

_It was frighteningly real, pain clouding mind, as he slowly crawled down to the ground._

_And blood....Oh, there was so much of it, splitting through his trembling fingers, strangely bright. Lance didn't recall blood being so colorful and full of life._

_But the worst of it was a surprise. Not a surprise even; a shock, a cold stoned feel of sharp realization, cruel reality looking stright at him._

_Lance felt betrayed. Tricked, fooled, overplayed. He felt so weak._

_And pink of blood made a keen contrast with black sword tearing his abdomen apart._

Waking felt like coming back to life, like making the first gulp of a clean water after months in a wasteland.

Waking felt like pain in the guts, phantom sword slowly turning, it felt like heartbreak and despair, like air pushed from his lungs only to be replaced with pure poison.

Being alive hurt, Lance noticed hastily, it hurt and it bleed and turned his insides upside down. He barely managed to get to the edge of the bed before bitter taste in his mouth got up and he curled down, giving up to nausea.

Lance wished he was home, in their old filled with things and memories house full of voices and footsteps. He wished so hard to get there just for a moment: to climb into Angelica and Estephan's bed: both of the twins were out of town for years, but their room remained untouched, not a single thing moved from its rightful place. He wondered if they kept his room like this as well or it was occupied by younger siblings already. Lance questioned, would they sort out his things, would they sit actionless for minutes, looking into distance, holding the thing for dear life? Would they miss him as he missed them, would they cry silently, trying to push sobs back?

"Lance," he could hear his sister's voice, rough from the sleep yet full of concern, "Lance, sweetheart, you had a bad dream? Tell me about it. Tell me, dear." He would sob louder, crawling to her side, hands deep into his sister's sleeping tunic. "Shhh, darling. It is over, it's gone. You're safe now."

And it wouldn't matter if she'd tease him endlessly tomorrow, or if Estephan would call him crybaby, or for Lisa to point her tongue out, saying something like "I'm three years younger than you and I don't cry myself to sleep". It wouldn't matter, because night would be over and morning would came, and mom would make pancakes and Lilo would steal them right from a pan, but would always share with others. Nothing would matter but a bright morning in a small kitchen filled with smell of coffee, pancakes and home.

There was no morning in the space and the castle ship was no home if his.

There was something remotely alike to alarm clock though, set near his bed. It had two sets of numbers, one set was for Varga, altean analog of hour, and the second represented Dobash, space sibling of their earth sisters minute. Timer was going backwards, showing how long paladins could sleep till alarm will go off.

It was currently displaying 42.

Lance stared at numbers for a moment, blinking, then snorted suddenly and wiped tears away. There were no time like present and no place like bathroom.

* * *

From all possible outcomes, all engagements one especially tired cuban boy was expecting, he sure waited for that one the least.

After hitting the shower and washing nightmare (and also its gross result. Like ew, green goo sure was gross enough before you've ate it, so goo after stomach half absorbed it was no sight for tired eyes) away, Lance found himself wandering around the Castle aimlessly, ending in the hangars.

All was quiet there, soft humming of energy was the only sound breaking the silence away.

All was quiet and all was calm, lions resting each in it's place, Red, the loner she was, cut away from the world by an energy shield.

And yet lions weren't the ones inhabiting hangars right now.

Lance stepped from a door frame he was standing in, slowly moving along lions, eyes fixed on one particular sight in the distance.

 **Lance?**  a familiar voice asked, gentle and smooth even after lion equivalent of sleep. Blue, his baby girl, attentive as ever, affection and warm spreading through mental link as a water in overflowing sink.

_Hello, mi amor. Sorry, didn't want to wake you up._

**Lance,**   carefully hidden pestering intonations. She worried about him a lot, sensing his troubles often even before boy noticed them himself. **You're hurting.**

 _Am I not always?_ came out more bitter than intended. It was always borderline impossible to hide his true feelings from her, gaze searching. _Don't you worry about me._

 **I always worry about you. Tell me, what hurt you?** not suggested but asked, like sharing embarrassing details of a nightmare was some kind of an ordeal.

 _It's nothing_ , he brushed off, _just a bad dream._

**It's not nothing, if it troubles you.**

And this is where Lances eyes, as he rested at Blue lion's side, met an unusual sight for a hangar somewhat three hours before their official morning. A small figure curled into a blanket in front of a huge Black lion's shadow.

 **He was there for some time** , Blue hummed helpfully, sensing Lance's unspoken question.

 _Seriously, does this dude ever sleep?_ A question was rhetoric and needed no answer, and yet Blue pushed forward.

 **He's trying** , she said like Lance was persisting overwise. **It's hard for him, but he's trying his best.**

It sounded defensive in a way, like Blue defended Keith of all people. Lance felt hint of jealousy as even his own lion jumped at Keith's side the first opportunity presented.

 _Well, gotta go talk with this cryptid_ , as he got up on his feet and stretched.

"Hey space cowboy, watcha doing there?" And alright, there was no need to jump, turning around and reaching for a knife. So much for trusting a comrade, just wow.

Keith blinked sleepily (a sight what sinked deep into Lance's mind unheplfully), registering a person before him, before his face formed into a frown.

"Bonding," came out grumpy.

"Looks like it haven't done you much use," Lance brushed off, getting down near his teammate. "Hey, share a blanket, I'm cold."

"You should have brought your own," but a piece of soft fabric touched his side,warm from another person's body heat.

"I've tried your advice," Keith spoke suddenly, averting gaze. "To ask Black's permission". Lance hummed in response unintelligently, sleep slowly crawling back from where it retreated before. "But he didn't answer?"

"Patience," was there something in this word or it was especially Lance saying it, what sent Keith into a shiver? "Give him some time. Black isn't going to hurry even as universe burns around. He's just...stoic like that."

"How do you know that? I mean," the boy shifted uncomfortably, brushing Lance's shoulder with his. "You seem to know a lot about all of this."

"Have been listening to what lions have to say. Not that hard once you get used to it. Ancient sentient being in your mind, thelepatic chit-chat, all junk. Makes you less lonely, you know? And what I'm saying is you need to let him in. C'mon, open up your mind, you can't expect Black to let you fly him while you crawl on your side, hovering and hiding all secrets under this mullet of yours."

"You just had to bring it up".

"What can I say, this man has some eyes and a sense of fashion. Decent one, if I may add! Simply looking at you hurts my magnificent taste."

"Gee, thanks. Don't look then." Lance gasped.

"Are you denying me a sign of your face? Wow, I'm shocked and scandalized! So much teamwork, so much bonding!"

"What bonding?" Have Lance been imagining things or Keith actually smiled?

"Excuse me?"

"Don't remember, didn't happen."

"You ass!"


	3. Into the dark below, evading shadows. Blind in a rabbit’s hole.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally some action, and so the adventure begins. Multiple universes also means endless possibility.  
> And, as you can see, Lance appreciates Hunk a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Sees kudos:69. Snickers.*  
> I felt physically uncomfortable as i wrote klance interaction at the begginning of this because?? these boys are so awkward???please help them.  
> Save them Takashi whoever the fuck you are, you're their only ho  
> P.S. Catch all easter eggs I excitedly throw in chapters. I'm a nerd and I'm proud.  
> I need to add mutual pining to tags

Lance liked to think he was a chill guy.

Not as chill as ice of course, more like room temperature water. But still, pretty much chill.

However, knocking at his door just soon as he managed to fall asleep after night adventures in hangar pushed to prove overwise.

“I don’t have energy for this,” he murmured, feeling pretty wrecked after sleep-deprivating night with a blurry nightmare.

Knocks at the door haven’t stopped. If anything, they only grew more persistent.

“Alright, whoever is on the other side of that door, you suck. Unless it’s Hunk, because Hunk can pretty much throw me into open space and still stay my best man.” Giving up to annoying knocking, Lance slid down the bed and walked to a source of disturbance. “Sorry, no one is home at the moment, please call later or leave your message after a signal. Beep!”

The door sliding open revealed Keith.

Lance stared at a sight in front of his eyes, waiting for it to disstolve into air. Keith stared back, silent.

“Hello, Space castle ship to Keith? You wanted something?”

“You look like shit,” other boy blurted suddenly. Charming.

“Sorry, have you come all the way to my door to insult me? Also just so you know, I’m a delight for a sore eyes!”

“No", Keith seemed to be actually taken aback, registering what he have said earlier. “I didn’t-I mean you look tired. Like you haven’t been sleeping enough or-? There are bags under your eyes-“

“Yeah, rough night. Have any more rude comments to make or I can go back to catch some beauty sleep?”

Keith seemed almost uncomfortable.

“I actually came to thank you, for your advice another day. Black lowered his shield and while he haven’t spoke to me yet, still it’s a start and I really didn’t think I could do it, but Shiro believed in me and so I can’t let him down, but it’s hard and I-“

Words just started flooding out of Keith’s mouth, and he was blabbering and looking _really_ uncomfortable now. Lance hurried to stop him mid sentence.

“Whoa, chill, my dude. All’s good!” he waved his hands in the air, trying to catch other boy's attention. “Look, I might not have liked Shiro’s decision at first – truth to be speak, I’m pretty opposed to it now as well – but this isn’t about me, it’s about you and what Shiro saw in you. He believed you can do it, so who are we to doubt it? Have some faith in him. And yourself. Just, uh, have some faith. It might not look like it, but we actually trust you. So calm your jets down and pilot Black, be the Head man and leave the rest for us. But maybe don’t be All head man, like leave main leadership to Allura, because I’m pretty sure If you’ll try to do all by yourself we’ll end up crashing into asteroid or something and- look. We’re a team. And as cliché as it sounds, we all in this together. So…You’re welcome, I guess?”

Awkward silence was awkward, the longer it was. Keith looked at him as he grew a second head and it started to give Lance really uneasy feel.

“Yeah, I will,” oh thank the god, he speaks! “…Thanks”.

“No biggie my dude, my man, _Bossman_ , now if you please, a guy needs to take care of his appearance before the breakfast, so if you could-“

“Sure, I’ll go just- take care, have a nice face mask and, bye!” and he practically sprinted down the hall. Lance tried to wrap his mind around what the heck was it .

* * *

And the morning meeting came.

Apparently no one pretty much slept this night, as Pidge was deep into some tech stuff, adjusting and calibrating it with Hunk, as Coran and Allura planned their actions and сarefully calculated risk. Only Lance and Keith fooled around, chilling with lions and drowning into nightmares.

And it seemed their short break was over.

* * *

_The Garrison haven't prepared me for this._

Truth to be said, the Garrison haven't prepared them for a lot of things: evil alien overlords, space witches, the whole "hero saves the world" stuff, unrequited crushes on teammates...

The Garrison wasn't that useful, not as it was represented in all advertise booklets for applicants.

And Lance really, honestly and wholeheartedly thought nothing ever would prepare him for "jump through multiple universes" deal he was informed of in the meeting.

Little alien guy Slav helped, or more like meddled, speaking about all these possibilities and options and overwise pretty scary stuff and why it applied to them.

Like you know, in theory, in full hypothesis, multiple universes thesis wasn't that bad: maybe somewhere on the other side existed better, "fixed" version of Lance who was actually worth something and not just a dead weight and seventh wheel. Maybe. A guy can dream, right?

However, multiple universes theory also included all bad differences. _All_ bad possibilities. Because in all its glory endless variation actually meant one thing: Murphy's law. Everything what could ever go wrong already had gone wrong somewhere. 

Getting in the middle of this somewhere was definetely in Lance's top-5 list to avoid.

Like there could be the universe where the Earth was invaded by Galra, or destroyed, or some terrible infection was released into the world what led to zombie apocalypse. What? It could be possible, _in theory_. Lance wasn't actually looking forward to try it in practice.

Or maybe in some universe he didn't exist. Alright, that might be not such a terrible thing to happen. But what if _Hunk_ didn't excist? What would happen with him if they'll jump in a universe like this? How will it affect him, will he be safe?

And if Lance would been asked about it, he'd refuse to go, to jump into right into uncertain deeps of wormhole. He would, truly, keep others with him as well. Better safe than sorry, right?

But Lance wasn't asked and, frankly, not like his opinion even mattered. Or anyone else's, for all that's worth.

Because somewhere on the other side of wormhole, in one on myriad of universes, was Shiro . He _was out there_ and he was all alone without his teammates or lion. Stranger world with stranger things surrounded him while they hesitated, unknown dangers pursued his life as team gradyately build their plan from smallest pieces.

Shiro _was there_ and Shiro _needed them_ , what kind of teammates they would be to abandon him in a situation like that?

And Lance kept his fears unspoken, so did everyone else.

 _Hell or Glory_ , he thought, as the last preparations were made before their Big Jump into unknown. _All for one, and One for all ._

 

 

 


	4. Please, please tell me what they look like, did they seem afraid of you? They were kids that I once knew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Searching a single man in bunch of universes is hard and paladins have very little of patience, also Lance tries to cheer everyone up and completely forgets about himself (such a Lance thing to do honestly).  
> Literally everyone is sad as Shiro is away (and probably sad too) and I cried as I wrote it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lance: I'm just gonna shut the fuck up bc what's what Shiro would want and I'm completely useless anyway  
> Shiro from another dimension: This is not what I wanted, Lance *sigh* I guess it's a time for me to be found
> 
> Lance *tries to cheer up literally everyone in the Castle*  
> Lance: who's selfless and caring i don't know her
> 
> Also get ready for weird quintessense stuff, as I'm gonna play with it hella lot.

He wasn’t in the first world they entered. Or the second. Or the third one.

Fourth world to try and still no sight of Shiro.

They actually seriously planned all this, calculated chances, recalibrated wormhole so when it opens it leads not to another place in this universe, but practically breaks the wall between two different ones.

Coran took a sample of Shiro’s quintessence, apparently left from that one time he had to use cryopod to heal and it helped to narrow their search, as quintessence print with some weird altean scanner updated by Pidge allowed to determine whenever or not Shiro – their Shiro as in Takashi Shirogane who owned this quintessence – was there.

This whole quintessence deal was pretty complicated, but Coran assured them the tech they used would react only to Shiro from their universe, leaving other possibly excising versions of Shiro alone. And honestly, who was Lance to question Coran’s weird altean knowledge?

Every universe jump wasn’t exhausting physically-wise. Even though it used their recourses and energy, they had to fight no-one and pretty much left as scanner showed no search results. Mentally-wise, however, it was a trainwreck. They all already knew how small was a chance of finding one single human representative in not only one space, but whole lot of different alternative spaces.

They could jump from the world to the world endlessly. Of course, thanks to Slav, Coran and Co calculations, their area of a search was narrowed again, leaving from myriad of different universes only like…hundred of the ones Shiro could get into. Lance had absolutely zero idea how they managed to count it and program wormhole and all – this was too metaphysical and full of small details and facts and it was so easy to mess up, so he just preferred to stay as far as possible to not ruin anything. They had enough complications as well without him already, there was no need to add more problems to that list and accidentally result an opening of a wormhole to universe where everything is wrong – and no Shiro. No, thanks. Knowing Lance, he’d just organize something like this without even trying. So, it left him to wait. And hope. And wait one more time.

It was the 5th’s universe and no positive result yet. Everyone started to slowly loose hope. How long can they jump aimlessly till their scanner will find something?

Keith got more grim and distant with every universe fail, spending more time alone and – surprise! – training. With no Shiro around no one could actually convince him go to rest: he just snapped at whoever advised it, or used a silent tactic and moody glaring, or just completely ignored person at all.

Pidge was not better, locking themselves in their lab, projecting, building theories, trying to find more easy way, trying, trying, trying…

Hunk lost like half of his friendliness, looking more and more like Keith with everyday. He kept shakingly checking and rechecking everything, trying to find a mistake, a malfunction, anything what could go wrong.

Allura pretty much locked herself as well on a captain bridge, looking intensively at the maps, plans, schemes. Blaming herself, possibly.

Coran was the only one who tried to keep spirits up, not forgetting to visit and “give a friendly bother” to every single one of the paladins, and princess included. He was the one who finally managed to convince Keith go to sleep. As he later confessed to Lance, this medical herb well known for it’s calming and relaxing smell he kept putting all over the places Keith usually visit might have helped a little. Lance asked for a sample of this herb, lately throwing a bunch of it under Hunk’s bed and sneaking the rest to Pidge hoarder’s room. All Earth and alien gods know these two needed it.

And Lance…He was fine. Good, even. Peachy! He haven’t lost his hope, he couldn’t allow himself to do so. So he stayed calm. Collected, professional, serious. This was what Shiro would have wanted, this is how he ever tried to make Lance to act. So here he was, finally obeying, finally listening, even though there was no Shiro to show it to. No more stupid jokes, no more annoying flirting, everyone had enough things to worry about without his attitude already.

Instead he tried to help them out, ease the tension. Coran helped a lot with the advise, provided information about what princess liked, as she was the one Lance knew the least.

It was all in a small things. To remind them why they were here, what they were fighting for.

Idea for Rover 2.0 for Pidge. Lance even got Hunk into helping to create some schemes and plans: his friend surely needed some rest from endless checking on everything tech related in a castle – he even regulated space goo machine!

With all this checkout Yellow Paladin almost completely forgot about his hobby and passion – cooking. Lance was there to remind him of that, subtly dropping hints now and then, mentioning some details about altean cooking he “accidentally” found (This accident cost him extremely detailed lecture from Coran, and while Lance loved Coran with all his heart, sometimes ginger man could be too much. )

Despite all Coran’s good advices, idea for a princess actually came to him in a dream. It was awfully cheesy, even for Lance.

He had no idea if it would work and even less confidence about turning it to life.

It was a melody, a lullaby of a kind. Lance suspected it might be altean, which gave him absolutely no explanation to why he heard it in his sleep. Maybe he heard it somewhere in the castle and his subconscious remembered it and showed him at the random moment? It was the most logical explanation of all. Lance abused his friendship with Pidge once again, asking them for a help to “play melody I have only in my mind”. First of all they had it recorded from Lance’s voice, then did some transformations, cleared and converted sound and in the end it was a simple polyphonic melody as first mobile phones of old had.

It was nothing fancy and yet Lance was ecstatic, hugging Pidge for five minutes straight (till they hit him in the stomach with their small but surprisingly strong baby fist). The last part of the plan was to play melody near Allura, and here Coran was the best man of choice. As princess spent almost all time in the control room, it was decided to install song file in the main program there and set it to play as princess enters.

The last thing was a little bit tricky, but unexpected help from Hunk and Pidge came just in time. Pidge, noticing Lance’s conspirative attitude, couldn’t help but spill details to Hunk, who immediately got invested. Both of them had nothing against cheering princess up a little. So all was set and they left to not being caught. Pidge wanted to control process, but Lance insisted princess would need some privacy as she’ll hear the melody. He had a gut feeling about it.

It was the easiest with Coran: just speak with him, help with whatever man is doing and spare him some of your time. Lance listened to anything princess' royal adviser had to say attentively and yet he missed the moment it turned from him listening to confessing his own thoughts and fears.

“You know, my boy,” Coran looked almost hesitant. “This melody you found for princess, she liked it so. Some particular place you managed to find it, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Despite seemingly easy and careless tone, Lance was able to recognize some kind of restriction behind, an expectation of sorts.

“I dunno,” he said carefully, not knowing what to add. ”I just…I think I’ve heard it somewhere? Is it weird, does it sound weird to you?”

“A little, if I may confess. You see, there is one thing what complicates this: a melody you prepared for princess to play, it’s an old altean lullaby.”

“I-I haven’t known it!”

“I’m not saying overwise,” the ginger man looked at him thoughtfully yet caring. “It’s just curious, don’t you think? I remember how the queen used to sing it to her children.”

“Children? As in plural “more than one child” way?” _stop talking, Lance, just stop asking questions, shut up!_

“Oh, yes, the king and the queen had two children actually. Allura doesn’t like talking about it, so I’m trying to avoid the topic, but she had a brother once. You remind me of him sometimes, just as selfless and caring.” S _elfless and caring? Was Coran actually talking about him? No, for real, **selfless and caring?**_

Lance left out a hesitant chuckle.

“Well, sounds like he was an amazing guy, if he really was similar to the great old me.”

“Indeed. There is another thing you have in common though. He as well was a Blue paladin of Voltron.

* * *

The last but not the least one who clearly needed some cheering was Keith, who was practically impossible to track down these days. If the boy didn’t tire himself out in a training fight, he was nowhere to be seen. Lance even thought about asking Pidge about some tracking device, because he had limited amount of patience and this all got really ridiculous.

It was resolved by accident soon enough.

Lance was having his usual promenade around Castle, checking on people. And people, as much as he was concerned, included ancient sentient robots as well.

So he was just entering hangar, getting ready for his usual mind-melding session with Blue (it always left him a little bit shaken afterwards, as Blue’s mind was so much for his poor human brain, it was so big and wide and full and emotions and visions), then he noticed, yet again, what hangar wasn’t empty.

Keith was there and he was talking with Red.

“I miss him,” red paladin said and there was no question who this “he” was. There was so much pain and sadness in this voice of his, Lance suddenly felt like he’s interrupting something very personal, like he’s better turn back silently and leave right now.

And yet he didn’t.

“I know he wanted me to pilot Black, but I don’t think I want to do it. And I think _Black_ knows it too, that’s why he’s resisting as well. None of us wants this and yet we have to. It’s the fifth’s try already and still no result at all. What if we won’t be able to find him? How big is the chance of finding one human in million different realities? I know Coran and Pidge did something what makes search easier, but there is still no result. I know I’m being selfish and I have nothing to say then I put no effort to help them, but I just can’t sit and wait any longer.”

There was a loud roar in response, along with a dash of warm air. Lance supposed what Red also answered his paladin mentally through their link.

He considered leaving again, not wanting to ruin moment of vunerable sincerity, not wanting to interrupt.

But somehow his legs started to move, not to the direction from where he came, but to opposite, closer to Red lion, closer to her paladin.

He put a hand on a Keith shoulder the way he recalled Shiro did. _Maybe_ , he thought as Keith flinched, turned his head back almost hopefully and then went still as he registered the person behind him, _it wasn’t the best choice of the action._

Lance immediately thought of a fast and shameful retreat, but opened his mouth instead.

“I miss him too”, he started. “We all do. I know we weren’t as close to him as you were-still are, but…I just want you to know you’re not alone in this. We miss him and we want him back and we will find him. I promise.”

* * *

Shiro-detecting sensor went completely wild the moment they left wormhole to the sixth universe.


	5. Rules were made for us to break, chances meant for us to take

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance finds Shiro but looses Keith. Also it's the wrong Shiro and everything is a mess.  
> A lot of actions and talky talks, a very little of reflexia, our guys will have to deal with feelies later.  
> (What is whole linear narrative? Only pieces put together, only hardcore)

Everything was in a blur.

There was a smoke in the air, as well as a smell of burned flesh. Lance's side hurt and his visor cracked dangerously close to his eyes.

 _Where am I_ , he thought weakly, _W_ _here are everyone else?_

There was a noise at the distance, helicopter's blades cutting through the air.

"There he is!" a worried and familiar voice came. "I can see him! Lance!"

 _Pidge_ , he thought. _At least I know you're fine_.

There was a little he could see, broken visor and a smoke puzzling the view.

And yet he heard hurried steps, then someone's hands touched his side, sending another wave of pain through his body. Lance left a small, chocked cry.

"Sorry," they whispered, and then figure in front of him turned away. "Get medics quickly, he's hurt!" The man bowed in front of Lance's damaged self one more time. "Hold on, bud, help is on it's way."

"Shiro," he was finally to get a grip on the voice and the face in front of him, concerned. "You're alright!"

"Why wouldn't I?" the older pilot asked, clearly confused, yet jokingly. "I wasn't the one who fell to the ground from terrifying height as his plane has crashed. Do you remember what happened? Does your head hurt?"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, it's all my fault," Pidge sobbed as they lowered themselves in front of Lance as well and took one of his hands on their own. "Matt warned me what this model was experimental and unstable, but I was too excited about something I took part of to be launched I didn't listen. It's all my fault!"

Lance had absolutely zero idea what the quiznak was going on, but he sure as hell knew one thing: he hated seeing Pidge cry.

"Hey," he tried, voice weak. "Don't blame yourself. I'm sure this is at least eighty present of my idiocy. Birb, please" he tried to squeeze their hand a little and it took boy a huge effort. "But speaking of help, it would be nice of these guys to hurry up because I'm pretty sure one of my ribs is dangerously abut to my lung and I suspect it's not good for a health."

"Oh, for the fuck's sake!" Pidge muttered desperately.

"Language."

"What language, Shiro, he's gonna die!"

"He is not going to die,"Shiro said, face strained with effort it took him to sound calm. "No one is dying here."

Lance sight got more blurry with every moment the conversation went.

The last thought he had before finally getting to blissful rest was a realisation: There was no white strand in Shiro's hair, no scar across the face.

* * *

Lance woke up to whiteness surrounding him in tight cocoon, silence ringing uncomfortably in his ears.

"Shush, he is waking up!" was the first his ears proceeded aside from sharp nothing. "Hey bud, how are you feeling?"

It was Hunk this time, face crooked in concern, eyes searching. "Does anything hurt? How's your head?"

Lance tried to sit up, and several pair of hands immediately helped him, pushed a soft pillow behind his back. Boy looked around, disorientiered and sleepy.

"Where am i?"

"Hospital," Shiro without white hair and a scar was here too, as he was talking at this taken moment. "There was an incident. Do you remember?"

"Yeah...a little bit...But why I was in a plane to begin with?"

"Em, Lance?" the third voice spoke and Lance moved his attention to them. Whom appeared to be Pidge, but unlike the one Lance knew and fought alongside with, this Pidge's hair wasn't cut short.

"Pidge? Since then you have a long hair?" Lance asked in confusion.

"What do you mean? I've always had it like this, you even taught me how to braid it."

"Huh, really? I must not remember. Probably a contusion?" he looked at people circling around him one more time.

"Wait, where's Keith?" he blurted out.

_Did he not want to see him, were they not friends in this universe?_

Shiro frowned as like not understanding who Lance was talking about.

"Who is Keith?" Lance felt the dread freezing his insides. "What do you mean _"who is Keith"_ , he's like your brother or something!"

They all looked at him in concern, clearly having absolutely no recognition of his words.

"Well, _Keith!_ Fancy black mullet, stupid leather jacket, high boots, super moody, best fighter pilot at the Garrison?!"

"Lance," Hunk spoke, fake-calm, carefully choosing his words. "You're the best fighter pilot at the Garrison."

* * *

He was lying in the same hospital bed, staring blankly on a wall.

 _What the hell_ , he asked himself. _What the hellish hell??!_

Keith wasn't in Garrison in this reality, so where was he? Was he anywhere at all?

All Lance's fears before they tried to enter wormhole to another universe for the first time reminded of themselves. What will happen with _his_ Keith if there was no Keith in this world to begin with? He can't just disappear, can he? What's not how multi universe rules work, right?

 _Isn't what you always wanted?_ a sly and wicked voice inside of him spoke. _To be the best pilot, to be recognised by your friends, your hero? Isn't that's what you were asking for?_

"No," he said, stubborn. "This is not what I've asked for, not at that price. Not at the price of _Keith!_ "

"Lance, who are you talking to?" boy practically jolted, turning to the source of voice and meeting with worried look of his best friend.

"You okay, pal?" Hunk asked. "You were acting weird before and talking with yourself now...Shiro asked doctors if you have a head injury, but they said it's only a slight contusion."

"Hunk, my dude, my main man! Can you please tell me honestly: there is totally no-one around here called Keith? Try to remember, maybe he was ditched out of Garrison earlier, or you've seen him in town? Dark hair, pale, moody, violet-ish eyes? Maybe you've met someone like this near this pretty wasted desert? Or anywhere else? _Literally anywhere?!_ " It came out desperately, as Lance tried to get up from his bed.

"You're seriously scaring me now!" Lance was immediately put back in bed by gentle but firm hands of his friend. "Please, calm down, do you need me to call a doctor?"

"No-no, I'm fine! I'm just disorientiered, guess I hit the ground pretty hard then I fell from heaven, huh?"

"That's the Lance we all know and love," who could have guessed one stupid joke can calm down a person so smoothly? "You sure you don't need anything? Also who is this Keith you keep asking about?"

"He's..he just...Its nothing, I guess I've seen him in a dream. Funny, right?"

" _I guess I've seen him in a dream"! Honestly Mcclain what the fuck is this star-crossed cheesy bullshit?_

"Um, Hunk, I'm actually feeling pretty tired right now, I'd like to lay down and take a nap, if you don't mind?"

"Of course! Scream if you'll need anything, we're not leaving till Shiro stops interrogating doctors anyway. I will be in a corridor with Pidge." He turned around in the doorframe, hesitating. "You know, they're blaming themselves for what have happened."

"It's not their fault though," Lance shook his head in dismiss. "Tell them so. I'll do it myself later as well."

* * *

"What the fuck," he murmured, losing all composure as soon as the door closed. "Keith, _where the fuck_ are you?"

**...Lance?**

Have he imagined it right now? For a moment Lance thought he have heard someone calling to him.

 **Lance.** Here it was again. This time Lance recognised this voice. Well, not like recognised-recognised, but he knew voices alike to it, deep, echoing with glimpces of metal and mechanical noise in then. Blue sounded like that, as well as Black.

 _Red?_ he tried to guess.

 **Lance** , came an affirmative. **My paladin needs you.**

_Keith? Where is he, is he alright?!_

**Not for long** , this time response took longer. **He is about to do something very in his nature.**

_Reckless?_

**The word I was searching for was "impulsive", but it's all the same, so yes.**

_Where is he? How can I get to him?_

**I'll lead the way** , lion hummed. **Get out of the place you're in.**

_The hospital? Yeah, a moment,let me just...Wait, I can't leave with no warning, others will worry!_

**What does it matter?**  she said indifferently. **They're not yours anyway.**

_It doesn't matter if they're mine or not, they're still...well, them. I need to leave a note at least._

_Do it fast then._

Not listening to petulant voice in his head anymore, Lance hurried to get up from the bed. However, he had hard time finding splitters and even harder - a pen.

 **Write with your blood,** unhelpfully suggested Red.

_Not helpful at all and also fuck you._

**Are you sure you want to do this action with me? Not my paladin?**

_You're bully, are you aware?_

**You didn't deny my assumption though.**

_Not talking with you anymore._

**Lance.**

_I'M NOT LISTENING!_

**Hurry up.**

He gave up on trying to find pen or something to write, apologising to his/not his friends, and started to knot sheets together - chiche'd and last century, but still a good tactic.

Lance was halfway to his way outside, already out of the window, then the voice behind interrupted.

"Care to explain what are you trying to do?"

* * *

 Situation Lance got himself into wasn't the best of the kind. It was actually far far away from the top of the list. Well, to speak absolutely candidly, it was somewhere in the deep bottom of it, down all the way.

He had three options. First, to try lying to Shiro and fail miserably as he had very little idea of how to explain the action he was caught in. Second, jump out of the open window, break something in addition to ribs and loose all hope of finding Keith and especially helping him. And the third, say all as it is and hope Shiro will believe him.

"So you're saying," Shiro clarified somewhat a half of an hour later, "What you're from another dimension. Where you and your teammates fought-"

"Still fighting," correctled Lance. "It's an ongoing battle."

"-are fighting in intergalactic war against empire of aliens called..."

"Galra."

"Yes, what is ruled by tyrant called Zar...alright, his name doesn't matter. What matters is you're doing it by flying on a ancient space lion robots."

"Yes."

"Who are actually sentient beings with their own mind who can speak with you thought mental link."

"...yes."

"And who can be formed in a robot called Voltron, as they get combined together like in power rangers?"

"...yes?"

Shiro sighed, clearly not knowing what to think about the story he just heard. He looked at Lance closely, as if trying to solve some kind of pazzle, searching for some signs, deciding, how to respond.

"I could have thought you got seriously injured and you're hallucinating," he started. "Or what you're trying to perform some kind of joke. Though it doesn't look like you're joking, does it?"

Lance looked back, silent, waiting for verdict to come.

"Or," pilot continued. "I can try to believe you. This is hard, trust me, practically impossibly hard as I'm pretty rational human. But...Lance, we know each other for many years, you are one of the brightest students the Garrison has ever seen and my protege. I'm proud of everything you've achieved, but more importantly, I'm proud of being your friend. And I have a sick habit of trusthing people I call friends."

"Does it mean-?"

"Let's go wherever this lion wants you to."

* * *

 "Are you sure you know what you're doing," Shiro asked, the fifths time around.

"Am I...oh _for the fuck's sake_ , yes, I am sure! Like completely 100% positive. Red might have a fierce personality, but she's a cool lad and she wouldn't led me to a trap. If she's saying Kei- my friend needs my help, it means my friend needs my help and I would hate myself if I didn't provide it."

"Well, if you sure."

"I AM."

"I'm just a little bit worried, we've been walking for a while now, I'm starting to suspect I know where we're going and I don't like it." Shiro confessed.

"I'm sure it's nothing bad. Well, too bad. Nothing terrible, if we'll get there in time."

"What do you mean by 'if we'll get there in time'? Lance?"

* * *

Luckily, they _had_ gotten there in time and Shiro haven't found out unfriendly answer to his question.

They, however, found Keith, even though he was the first who have noticed them. Or, well, noticed Lance.

"Lance," he shouted, allerting both of the men and drawing their attention. "Lance, I found Shiro!"

"Right," boy coughed uncomfortably. "So did I?"

Takashi stepped forward before Keith had a chance to respond.

"So this is a friend you was talking about?" he asked, looking at Keith thoughtfully. "Sure you can trust him?"

"With my life," Lance had to admit. "Uh, yeah, so introductions: Shiro, this is my friend and teammate Keith. We don't always get along, but he's actually super cool guy and way more talented than me, he was № 1 fighter pilot at the Garrison in my universe. He's also badass as fuck and has two weapons what I  _swear is cheating_ , also he's part alien which is probably the only reason why he's able to pull a freaking _mullet_. Like just look at him - what is this shit?!, what are we in, 80s? And yet he's all cool and silent moody personality and hot - no, can you believe this shit?"

Shiro coughed, stopping Lances trainwreck of a speech.

"My bad! A-and so," he took a nervous breath." Keith, this is Shiro, he is...oh, c'mon, do I really need to tell you who Shiro is? Best instructor in Garrison Academy - Shiro shush, don't interrupt - fighter pilot, a man and a legend, the one who first stepped on Kerberos moon. Oh yeah," he stopped to make a side note. "Kerberos was a success. No weird purple aliens - no offence, bud -, no abduction, no prison, just a simple exploration mission what went smoothly."

"It's this universe's Shiro?" Keith asked, cautious. "Why doesn't he recognize me? Do we not know each other here?"

"Yeah,about that...I asked guys where are you and seems like no one around here knows anything about you. Maybe...I mean, there is a chance what you-"

"What I don't exist in this universe?"

"Um, kinda?"

"I don't care about it,we need to rescue Shiro and go back to our world."

"You said you found him, but where?"

"Out there," and Keith showed.

* * *

 And of course it had to be fucking government secured facility.

"What, again?" Lance all but whined. "Why are we always breaking and entering some highly guarded buildings?"

"So it's not like your first...raid?"

"This isn't a raid, we're rescuing Shiro," Keith glanced at standing just in front of him man. "Our Shiro, and Garrison can't be up to anything good anyway."

"I am working for Garrison?" Shiro asked as like he couldn't decide if he should be offended or not.

"Then you might want to consider changing workplace."

"You know, Lance, I'm starting to doubt if we should trust this friend of yours. Breaking the government facility is a serious business, as well as illegal."

" _We_? There is no "you", Lance and I we're together, we're the team going to find another of our teammates and-"

"Aw, I didn't know you cared," cooed Lance. "Who could have guessed what under all that cool rebel demeanor hides a real softie!" he leaned to pat red paladin on his shoulder. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. C'mon, space partner, let's go find Shiro," this time it was Lance's turn to glance at Takashi. "Another Shiro, and get out of there."

"You can just call him Shiro Two, to make it easier."

"Why is he Shiro Two though? Maybe you're the second one!"

"We honestly have no time for this discussion or trying to find out which one was first: Shiro or Shiro, as it'll require to find what universe was created before the other, and I really don't think we have resources for that research. Not speaking about what it could take months, years, so let's just drop that topic and start heroing around. Shiro, you with us?"

"I'm afraid to think of what mess two of you can get into alone, so yes. But just so you know, I greatly disapprove of your marginal actions," the man got silent for a moment, as if debating should he continue. "Also I happen to know someone who can help, we won't be able to wind it around without him."

* * *

"So," Matt said, fixing glasses on the bridge of his nose. "Just to make sure I'm not getting anything wrong: You want me to help you break into government facility to steal a clone-" Keith coughed loudly. "-Sorry, another Shiro who's kept there so then he and you two", he pointed at Lance and Keith. "Would then fly away into a black hole-"

"Wormhole", this was Lance's time to interfere.

"-irrelevant. Into a black hole on a huge mechanical lion. So this is it, all correct?"

"...yes," Shiro had to admit after a moment of hesitation.

"Takashi, you know I love you with all power my dead cold heart can produce, but I must be honest with you: this is a complete madness."

"So you'll do it?"

Matt's lips curved into a wicked grin.

"You bet I will."

* * *

And he did, the whole operation went impossibly smooth, and soon Lance and Keith - as well as additional Shiro, who refused to let Lance go alone with Keith, whom he still didn't fully trust - sneaked in the best ninja style, while Matt did some magic at this laptop of his.

"You're genius," proclaimed Lance, as they were just the turn away from the place their Shiro was supposedly held. "Teach me your ways."

"I've tried, actually. Not you, but another Lance, and it ended in the greatest fiasco."

"Don't remind me."

"Oh yeah," Matt laughed through intercom, "Shiro still has nightmares about this incident."

"Accidentally cutting your finger is an accident," it appeared this world's Lance was able to annoy Shiro just as good as his other version. "Forgetting homework at home is an accident as well; blowing a half of a tech laboratory isn't an accident, it's a freaking disaster!"

"Wow, I did that? Also you just sweared!"

* * *

And then they finally reached the lab they needed. And Shiro - their Shiro, black paladin Shiro - was there, in some kind of cryopode, asleep.

"Why the heck they held him there like this?" Lance wondered. "For that?"

"They probably tried to find out where he came from, as he's practically identical to one of well-known Garrison instructors. Maybe they thought it's a clone?"

"He isn't a clone!"

And indeed it wasn't.

It was Takashi Shirogane, famous pilot, disappeared into space years ago, former galran captive, paladin of Voltron. Tempered in fights and covered in scars, with galran tech hand in place of his amputated right one, glowing familiar purple.

White steak in a hair, deep scar across the face. It was Shiro.

They have found him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Red, probably used to teasing Keith about his crush: So do you like my child?  
> Lance: no i'm not fuck you i'm not listening to you*blushes*  
> Red: Wait WHAT
> 
> Me at work: *daydreams and writes instead of actually working.*  
> Me at home, editing: why the heck writing is such a nightmare
> 
> Also some questions (As in why Lance appeared on Earth in another Universe and why this universe jump looked so different from the others and so) will be answered in next (maybe the one after next) chapter :3


	6. I get this sudden sinking feeling of a man about to fly.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Journey back home is long and a lot of deep conversations happen. Also Keith is awkward, Lance is enjoying himself and Shiro is not amused.
> 
> *looks at chapter's length* Why the fuck are you so big  
> Also whoops, all explanations about what the heck happened with this universe jump are gonna be in next chapter, as in this some deep convos were born

The first thing Keith decided to do as they released Shiro out of the pod and he barely opened his eyes was to start screaming at him.

"Takashi, honestly, what the fuck, stop getting lost in space and trying to die in the most dramatic way possible!" Keith yelled, surprising both Shiros and Lance. "We had to search though several universes to track your adventurous ass!"

"You didn't have to do that," tried to reason the rescued. "I'm sure you could have managed without you."

"Yeah, and just to leave you quiznack knows where as a freaking space Nemo?" Lance found himself backing up Keith.

"Captain Nemo?"

"No, the clownfish from a cartoon who gets lost away in the ocean and his relatives have to turn it upside down only to find him on the other side of the world. You haven't watched it? We need to fix it as we'll come back! Pidge was trying to make us workable internet anyway, we can whole have a movie marathon then!"

"Lance."

"But think about it! We sure deserved some break. There can be a sleepover and we will tell each other stories making each other’s hair and-"

"How did you find me?" their Shirogane asked, stopping Lance's daydream mid sencence and trying to stand on his own, but failing. It had to me some medicine laboratory workers used on him.

"Pure luck, even more pure misfortune, one huge space lion, another version of you and magical hacking of Matthew Holt", Lance answered, helping his leader to stand, as Keith did the same. _Deja vu_ , Lance thought,  _It all started just like this._

"Matt?" Shiro repeated, looking a little bit shaken by this knowledge. 

"As I understood from Lance's worlds, this universe differs from yours in several aspects." Shiro as in the one who helped to organise all this raid spoke. "I suppose the main one is the result of Kerberos mission, it ended a great success there and everyone returned in one piece. Matt is currently working on some expiremental projects and I had I feeling he would like to take a part in this risky venture."

"That sounds very much like him," admitted black paladin.

"Sorry to interrupt your sweet discussion, but we need to get out of here as soon as possible. We can't risk getting caught by the guards or scientists or whoever is here."

* * *

Surprisingly, no one was alerted as they sneaked their way back. Lance suspected it was another card from a pack of Matt Holt’s witchcraft, and so, working as a team and combining efforts, they managed to leave the facility undetected - Bless Matthew Holt and all other modern saints.

As they stepped out to the light of the day (more like early evening, to be completely honest), Keith spoke up yet again.

"We need to get out of here, Red's waiting not so far away."

"Alrighty, but where will we go? Does Red know where wormhole back is, and if it's still opened? And what about the others? Pidge, Hunk, 'Lura, they have to be somewhere in this universe as well!"

"I know where is wormhole is, as Red and I actually came from it."

"Really? It was completely different for me!"

"That's not the only part of it what doesn't make any sense. Red says it's only us, she can't sense anyone else, not even other lions. Something must went terribly wrong then we were jumping."

"Yeah, no shit, Sherlock, I've kinda realised it already then I woke up at the place of plane crush with broken ribs!"

"Wait, you have your ribs broken?!"

"They're fixated by this weird corset thing what makes me feel like courtesan or something, but yeah. Hurts hella lot, but it's not like I've never broken anything, and again, being got shot by Sendak hurt more. I'll live, I can even move more or less freely, though I suspect it'll get much worse as all meds guys in the hospital put in me would wear off. But whatever, I guess, if we're the only ones here, then let's get out of here!"

Keith looked like he was going to argue, but submitted, following Lance away from the facility as this universe Shiro walked in front of them, supporting another Shiro.

It was weird as hell to see two same yet different in details persons so close to each other. At first Keith insisted at supporting their Shiro all the way to Red, as he was still weary after laboratory and whatever medicine it's creepy inhabitants put in him, but he soon had to admit what he is but a person, half-galran or not, and what he gets tired as well. And as much as Keith was wary of this world's Shiro, he still was the strongest one of them, so after Lance's convincing "Oh c'mon, he helped us to break in to a lab, I think dude deserves a little bit of trust!", Keith finally gave up and walked near Lance as Shiroganes were leading the way.

It seemed Keith had some kind of mother hen instinct though, because as soon as he let go of Shiro and found out about Lance's broken ribs, he tried to help _Lance_ walk. Which, honestly, was kind of sweet - Lance got used to be the weakest and least used of the team already, so not like it offended him - yet a little ridiculous.

"Kogane, I swear, I won't turn to ashes if you let my hand out of your death grip. I promise. So it would be nice if you'd stop getting into my personal space as if your life depends on it."

"It's safer that way, you don't want to trip over on a stone and break already broken bones, do you?"

"I'm pretty sure that's not how it works."

"Whatever."

"So you're not going to move away?"

"Not a chance."

Lance sighed. Keith was a little bit to close to a comfort. Not like guy smelled bad or anything, and he wasn't hurting Lance, and yet his presence so close was unnerving. For some absolutely unknown reasons, whatever any snarky lions might say. It was going to be a long walk. ...

* * *

Lance stayed a little behind as red and black paladins moved to Red lion in front of them.

"So, I guess this is goodbye?", he asked, stopping and turning to face another, less damaged by life Shiro.

"Seems like it."

"Alright, then...Thank you," he looked away awkwardly. "I mean, between 'caught red handed in the middle of trying to run away from a hospital' and my super realistic story, I wouldn't blame you for sending me to psychiatrist or checking my head one more time or at least not believing me. But you...You put your trust in absolutely wild story and helped me-", he glanced at Keith, supporting their Shiro and Red, who lowered the shield, just behind them. "-us to sneak into the government facility to find a man who looks exactly like you. It's not an easy thing to do. And I honestly don't know how you're going to continue living like none in this ever happened as we flight away, but it won't be easy either? So..."

"Lance," a hand lied on his shoulder, reassuring. "It's okay. I know it was hard for you as well. You was harmed in a crash you had zero idea about and thrown in a situation where you had no orientieres, confused and alone, with no one you know but people who looked familiar. It had to be a lot to take. And I appreciate what you decided to trust me with the truth, especially considering how unbelievable it was and how little hope you had I'll believe you." Shiro's grip on boy's shoulder strengthened. "I don't know what happened with our Lance and where he even is right now...I guess we'll have to start searching in the area of the crash yet again. It pains me to think what he still can be somewhere out there, alone and hurt, while we're wasting our time."

"Sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"But it is! If you haven't found me, you'd just continue searching, right? And would probably found the "right" Lance. And because you've found a pretender, your Lance can be in danger or-"

"Dead. I've thought about that possibility, no matter how hard I tried not to. But even if "our" Lance is long gone...There is nothing for you to blame yourself for. What happened was a technical error and-"

"Yes, about that. I've heard, back then you found me, Pidge was crying and blaming themselves. And Hunk mentioned this too. I know it's not my place to ask, but Shiro...can you please look after them? If it will appear what your Lance is gone...It will be especially hard for them. Please, can you-"

"Got you. You don't need to ask, I'll look after them."

"And can you please...my family...Lance's family. We seemed to be close in this universe, so can you be the one to tell them, if Lance will appear to be dead? I don't want Hunk to do it, it'll break him apart even more," Lance sobbed. He haven't noticed then he started to break up himself, but now his face was wet from tears. Shiro looked at boy in front of him, pained expression at his own face, and then hugged him suddenly, bringing closer.

"Of course," he said. "Lance...our Lance, I mentioned what he was not just a student, but a friend, already. He was - is, we haven't found what happened to him yet - he is like a brother to me. I...of course I'll tell his family. And support them as much as I can, will be terribly hard for them."

"Have anyone informed them about latest events, about a crash?"

"Lance didn't want them to worry for nothing then he went for a flight, and after... we were too busy looking for him, then - trying to transport you to the hospital and worrying around."

"Well...at least they avoided a trainwreck of "we found Lance, wait, wrong Lance, where is ours?!" Oh, it will be so hard to explain it guys...Especially Hunk, he won't believe you. He saw me just not long ago, and now I'm gone and possibly dead? It will be so hard-"

"I'll manage. Matt will help, he saw you and Keith and what happened in the lab. Don't worry about us, you have a whole lot of universe to save."

"Yes, then I... probably should be going."

"Yes."

"You'll need to let me go then."

"Oh, right, my bad," and so the hug was gone.

"It's nothing. It was actually nice, to be cared for..." Lance can't help but laugh bitterly. "Even though I'm a person you know just for a day."

"You're not very different from Lance I know. And I can see you're a good guy. Just as caring. You're worried about Pidge and Hunk and Lance's family even though these people have nothing to do with you. Well, maybe they have, but they're not-"

"Mine?"

"Right. So, this is a goodbye?"

"Yeah," he laughed once again. "Feels painful."

"It's hard."

"I gotta go."

"And I'll wait till you fly away, if you don't mind."

Lance turned away, back to his teammates, face still in wet from tears. He could see their expressions full of concern, but avoided the gaze, looking at his feet as he walked to red lion.

"Lance!" he heard a voice call from behind. "You've done well! Safe journey, cadet!"

He smirked.

"Yessir!"

* * *

They were silent as Red went upstairs, getting higher and higher. Lance looked at the small figure back on the earth: Shiro haven't lied, he stayed, watching as the Lion flied away.

As Lance looked outside, he felt someone's gaze at him, tried to brush it off, ignoring, but soon the second look added to the first one, and it was hard - avoiding two people staring at you in the insular expanse inside the lion.

"Nice flight," he said, trying to sound as cheerful as possible. "Red sure knows what she's doing."

A soft purr responded to his words, lion appreciating the praise. Shiro and Keith kept being silent.

 _Okay_ , Lance thought. _Let's try again._

"So, Shiro, you didn't get a chance to tell us how in the hell you ended in a freaking government lab, for real-"

"Are you alright?" suddenly blurted out Keith, interrupting the train of Lance's speech.

"Um, yeah? Peachy?" he pretended to sound surprised. "Why do you ask?"

"Lance," and who could have guessed, their Shiro sounded _just_ like the other Shiro - Lance started to miss him already. Somehow around that Shiro he didn't feel like he's disappointing him with everything he did.

"Yep? That's me, your local saviour, Lance McClain at your service."

"I must apologize," and whoa, this wasn't what Lance was expecting. He waited for a lecture, a "Lance, stop acting like a fool" speech, not apologies. He was honestly dumbfounded.

"Um, for that? If it's about this time you've stepped on my foot back in lab, then it's no biggie, you're forgiven."

"It's not about me stepping on your foot," Despite his best efforts, Shiro couldn't help but smile. "It's about how I've treated you till now. Seing how you interact with this word's Shiro made me realise how I interact with you. And I have to admit, I wasn't always fair to you." Lance's confused expression grew to very confused.

"You always joke and flirt and take everything so lightly, and I guess it made me close my eyes on other traits you possess. Like how you're always here for any of the team, whenever they need you. You was the one who made sure to go and find Keith after his connection to galra was revealed and offered to listen, even though you guys are not always get along. You stayed with Allura as Keith and I went to find about my past but eventually found Keith's: princess mentioned how you were by her side and tried to distract her from dark thoughts. You're always here for Hunk and Pidge, knowing them better than any of us. Don't know if you've noticed, but you're the only person on the whole ship who can make Pidge to go to rest then they're working all night long once again. You always here to cheer Hunk up even before any of us notice something is off, it's impressive how good you two know each other. And I'm not forgeting this time you jumped in front of man you barely know to save his life. Coran appreciates you a great deal, and not only because you're willing to get into coma to keep him safe. And me,"

"You?"

"I don't think I've ever thanked you for rescuing me."

"Wait, when?!"

"Back on our Earth, don't you remember?"

"But it was mostly Keith's doing, I was just...there."

"I don't think so. And today as well: weren't you risking your life to rescue me one more time?"

"Again, all Keith's doing. I was there because Red needed someone to look after Keith so he wouldn't accidentally get himself killed."

"Red spoke to you?" Keith interfered.

"Um, yeah? How else do you think I've found you, used a hidden micro chip in your jacket?"

"Is there micro chip in my jacket to begin with?"

"Sadly, no, it could have make everything so much easier. Maybe I can convince Pidge to install one?"

"It's another thing to add then," Shiro said.

"Micro chip in Keith's joke of a jacket?"

"No. Your close connection not only with your own, but other lions as well."

"Black actually lowered his shield for Lance before I even managed to convince him to do the same for me," Keith added, not helpful _at all_. "Black also spoke to him, while he stayed silent with me."

"See? Just as I said. Also you're the one with most precision, able to shot anything from almost anywhere. You're our sharpshooter."

"Not what I don't appreciate it, but what is all this "Lance is good, Lance is great" thing for?"

"To let you know what you're important member of team and we care about you."

"Um, right, thanks?"

"Now back to the obvious: you sure you're feeling fine?"

"Why would you think otherwise?"

"Well, tears on your face speak a different story."

"I'm just allergic."

"To what?"

"Feelings: every time I catch these, I start crying. Just plain awful!"

"Sure," Shiro smiled once again, letting him slip out of quistion escapade. 

They were silent for a while, Red getting them far into outer space, away from Earth with every given moment. Lance looked back at now but a small blue orb with glimpses of green.

"It's an Earth," he said in awe. "With all this being half-dead and freaking out and chasing for Keith I didn't have time to process it, but we were on Earth. Just for a while, but we stood there, inhaled Earth air. And this," he gestured to the sight outside. "Is the closest to Earth any of us will get in a long time. Closest we've seen in months too. I guess you could say we're lucky ones, huh."

"What was it like?" Keith asked, and Lance turned away from a view to look at him only to be met with intense unreadable gaze. "This Earth, you've seen more of it than I."

"Not so different," he shuddered. "Well, no unlucky engagement with Galra and I haven't heard anything about you, but otherwise it's pretty much the same. Earthy." He looked back at Earth longingly. "Pidge has a long hair and Shiro has no scar or PTSD, also it seems this universe's me is more talented and successful than I ever be. But it was...nice. Felt like home."

"You liked it a lot out there," Keith constanted.

"Yes. But I'm worried about my-Lance's family. With the circumstances he met, there is quite a big chance he haven't survived."

"Circumstances?"

"Oh, sorry, Shiro. He kinda crashed with a plane he piloted, some kind of technical error. Pidge mentioned what this model was an experimental one. They and Shiro was searching for their Lance then they found me."

"I'm...greatly sorry for your loss?"

"Loss of myself?" he chuckled humorless. "But thanks. I asked Shiro - that Shiro - to tell my family if I didn't make it. We seemed to be close here."

"Yes, Keith and I have noticed it by your goodbye."

"Did you like it more?" Keith, being silent for a while, suddenly raised his voice yet again.

"Did I like what more?"

"This universe's Earth. With no me on it. You seemed...quite fond of it."

"Wait," Shiro said. "What does it mean 'with no me on it?'"

"Lance said I don't excist there."

"I haven't said _that_! Only what no one around seems to know you, but these are very different things!"

"Oh please, even Shiro didn't know me!"

"Still doesn't prove anything! Maybe you just on the other side of the Earth, maybe we all meet up later?"

"Would you want it? Meeting me?"

"What in the hell is even this question about? We're friends?! Of course I'd want to meet you, asshole!"

"Are we, truly? I thought you hate me, with all this rivalry going around..."

Lance looked and Keith, hestitating, then he spoke.

"I'm just jealous of you, you dumbass."

"What?!"

"Don't you "what" me here, you sure have noticed how I majorly suck at everything then you succeed at anything you try!"

"I don't-"

" _Don't interrupt me._  Do you know how hard I worked to get into the Garrison?! And yet there you were, getting there smoothly, all talented as fuck. There I had to do all 100% and still failed you just moved one freaking finger and was on top. And no matter how hard I tried, no matter how I jumped over my head in attempt to reach you, I never did. Even after you dropped out and I took your place your shadow followed me around. Or more like I was anything but your shadow. Everywhere I went, anything I did, everyone reminded me how you was better and what I got this place only because you left!"

"Oh, for the fuck's sake...Was it Iverson? I bet it was Iverson, that dick!"

"Keith..."

"Don't 'Keith' me, Shiro, even you hated him, and you like _everyone_. The point is, Lance, you're _nothing_ like this."

"Ri-ight."

"No, you have to believe me. I remember you being the first to finish your test and how you always answered questions and always correctly and-"

"Wait, you _remember_? Like, back in the Garrison?"

"Uh..."

"You asshole! You lied what you haven't remembered me!"

"Guys, I know you're busy talking soul to soul, but can you put down swearing a little?"

"Sorry, no can go, it's a serious dispute here."

"The one what especially requires shouting and swearing?"

"Yes. Back to our wolf in sheep clothes: Keith, you absolute dick! Do you have _any_ idea how much time I spent thinking about how shallow I must be what you didn't remember me while I was practically jumping right to your face every opportunity I could? Do you?!"

"It's really hard to forget someone as loud and generally annoying as you."

"Hey!" came out offended.

"Sorry," for a note, Keith actually looked a little apologetic. "I meant what you're not shallow. And I didn't want to lie, I just...panicked."

" _Panicked_?!"

"Yes, I panicked! I'm not as easygoing and friendly as you, socialising was always hard for me, even with close ones!"

"That's truth, the first time I told him I think about him as a little brother, he hit me in the guts and run away."

"I wasn't ready for that!"

"Yeah, so Keith natural response to any kind of unexpected social situation is to fight or to flight."

"And I didn't think you'd remember me! We practically never spoke back at the Garrison, I ignored almost every of your attempts, so I didn't wait for you..."

"And why exactly you ignored me?"

"You were always so chatty and surrounded by people, I didn't know how to act! So I just...brushed you off."

"Oh...my...god!" Keith looked at Lance with confusion and, as the later started to giggle suddenly, worry.

"Are you...okay?" he asked, uncertain.

"I can't believe it!" Lance managed through laugher. "All that time I thought you were some stonehearted too cool for school badboy, and you're just awkward!"

"This isn't funny!"

"Oh, but it is! I can't wait to tell Hunk, he won't believe me! Wait, no, I can't tell him, he'll probably respond with something like "I told you".All this time I complained to him what you ignored all my attempts to become friends, what you probably think we're not cool enough for your punk ass self, and he was like: "Maybe he's just shy", and i was like: "What the heck, Hunk?". He was: "Maybe he's not used to people interaction and you're scaring him off" and I was like: "Nonsense! Also I'm literally the friendliest person around with him, why would be be scared?" But he was right, of course be was right, Hunk always is! All this time you were just some wallflower in cool attire! Oh my god!" and he started to laugh even louder, somewhat relieved.

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself." Keith said dryly, trying to hide creeping on his checks blush.

"Best. Day. Ever. We need to check it on calendar and selebrate as international holiday. What day is today? Damn, should have looked for it while we were back on Earth!"

* * *

The rest of the flight went more or less calm, as every single one of Red's current passangers had a hard day and needed some time to rest.  Lance actually dozed of soon enough after the talk was over. 

He woke up to Shiro gently shaking him by the shoulders, as Keith looked intensively to something outside the cabin.

Lance followed his gaze and saw a sight what sent unexpected thrills down to his spine.

Huge, deep and dangerous, full of unknown, hard to get used to and yet strangely familiar and even homelike, a wormhole created by altean castleship stretched in front of them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lance, with broken ribs, face covered in tears: yeah im good, how are you?  
> Takashi 'It would take more than a glowing wound to kill me' Shirogane finally found someone who's deathwish rivals his own  
> Also i need to make a statement: I no longer control where this story goes, it does as it pleases and i just try to write it all down. (as if i had any control before, lmao)


	7. Well, baby, I’ve been here before. I’ve seen this room, I’ve walked this floor.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team is finally together, a lot of hugs happen, Lions care for their paladins and Lance has to rest.  
> Also Shiro and Allura both use parent voices at Lance, as he doesn't want to heal.

Traveling through the wormhole always felt weird.

Frankly, getting sucked in practically dimension hole only to be spited out light years away from original place - an experience of a rare, not exactly good kind.

It always twisted insides, stopping heart just for a bit only to make it race twice as fast later. There was this moment of stillness and calm, then time and space both stopped, and there were only you, only now. Never before Lance felt himself and his surrounding clearer than at that time.

A wormhole between universes was even more complicated. Or, well, felt like it.

You could distinctly feel that moment then one universe ended and another started, in a blur, smudged and surreal. You could feel that happened and that could have happen meeting, acknowledging each other's existence and going every each own way.

Leaving the wormhole felt like falling down, fast, uncontrollable, air pushed out of the lungs, eyes tearing up from the fast speed.

It probably felt a little bit like dying, though how could Lance know how dying ever felt?

It also felt a little bit like living. Or just starting to live.

* * *

Another side of the wormhole met them with silence, then intercoms bursted out with voices, screaming, demanding, worried and uncertain. Never before noise felt so alike to home.

"Look, it's Red! Red came back!"

"Oh, thank the god!"

"Keith? Are you out there, can you hear me?"

"I hear you."

"Keith!"

"Keith, buddy, are you alright? Is Lance with you?"

"Yup, right at you."

"Oh, _thank the god!_ "

"Do you assholes have _any_ idea how worried we were?!"

"It's not their fault wormhole malfunctioned!"

"We talked about it already, it didn't malfunction, universe pushed us back and let only them in!"

"That actually...explains some things?" Lance commented, still confused.

"Well, at any rate, we all glad you two returned in one piece," princess said. "Unless...Are you in one piece?"

"Lance has his ribs broken."

"Hey! _Betrayed_ by my own teammate. It's nothing, also-"

"Yeah, sure. Get the pod ready-"

"- _Also_ there are three of us."

A silence of slow processing of his words followed, then was disturbed once again.

"Shiro?!"

"You have found him? I _can't believe it_ , have these losers actually found him?"

"Is he in one piece?"

"I am alright, princess," Shiro, being silent before, finally spoke. It was met with yet another roar of voices.

"Shiro!"

"Oh my god, oh my god. You're alright, _you're back_ , I can't believe it!"

"Hunk, don't you dare! If you'll begin to cry I'll start as well! _Don't. You. Dare_."

"Alright, no one is crying."

"Too late, I'm sobbing already."

"Pidge!"

"What?! I thought we lost them all for real! To think about it: we tried to rescue one of our teammates only two others to disappear into nothingness."

"They actually were transported to the universe we were originally intended to go?"

"Details! I'm just...I'm _so sick_ of losing family members!"

"Aww, this is so sweet!"

"Shut the quiznak up, Lance, I'm going to hit you then you'll get to the castle."

"Hey, why are you going to hit me?! Keith was there with me as well, hit him too!"

"Oh, I absolutely will. I'll fight you, I'll fight Keith, I'll fight Allura, I'll fight Zarkon, Haggar and Lotor at the same time-"

"Please, don't."

"- I'll freaking fight myself too! The only ones I'm not going to fight are Shiro and Hunk, because they're too nice, and Coran, because I suspect he's secretly ripped."

"A buddy of mine saw Coran take the shirt off in the shower. He said Coran had eight pack. What Coran was ripped."

"Yep, this is our Lance we got back."

"Hunk, buddy?"

"Yes, Lance?"

"You meme a world to me!"

"Leave me out of this PDA."

"Said a person who tends to climb other people at any sign of danger ever."

"Hey, I'm very small and the world is a big and scary place, okay!"

"Fine, but you're not getting out of this! I'm gonna hug the hell out of you as we land."

" _Please_ , leave the hell there it belongs."

"No way. I'm going to hug you, I'm going to hug Hunk, I'm going to give a hella big hug to Coran as well, and princess-um. Allura, can I hug you?"

"Yes, Lance, you can."

"Great, then I'm hugging everyone! ...Wait a moment, I haven't hugged Shiro since we got him back!"

" _How could you_."

"I'd appreciate if you leave your sarcasm for later, this is a touching moment."

"A bonding one?"

"Exactly! How Shiro, if you please-"

"I don't think it's nessesar-...oh. Alright, then."

"Let me guess: he's currently hugging you."

"Yes."

"Wrapped like a damn coala."

"You could say so?"

"Clingy as fuck."

* * *

"Lance, haven't you forgotten something?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you said, and I quote: "I'm hugging everyone!", and yet you're missing someone. Don't you think he can feel bad, being left out like this?"

"Oh, damn it. You're right. It pains to admit it, but you're."

"Go get your boy!"

"Pidge! I seriously hate you so much right now."

"No, you don't."

"...no, I don't." 

* * *

Lance was nervous.

Alright, a huge underestimation, he was on the edge of turning away and running all the way back to his room.

But a thing was: he was a hero. Paladin of Voltron, protector of the universe. He wouldn’t run. And maybe, _maybe_ , the new realization what Keith was just awkward and not unfriendly would help him.

And just try to guess where this yet unhugged fucker was.

No, just try.

He was _training_. All that they went thought after the moment Shiro just disappeared right from his lion, all preparations they made, all nerves they lost, all trainwreck of universe jumping and their charming adventures on the other Earth, and this boy just couldn’t give himself a single day off.

No, he had to be training.

Lance spent some minutes watching as his teammate was dodging and attacking gladiators before he ordered the training exercise to be over.

“Alright, real question here: are you secretly a robot?” he asked.

“How can I be a robot if I’m half-galra?” came a confused response. “I don’t think it’s possible?”

“But just think of it, half-galra and half-robot: perfect badass mix! You’ll be like your own terminator!”

“I don’t think I like this idea,” the boy frowned. “And I’m pretty sure my father was a human.”

“Was?”

“He wasn’t…around for a while.” Keith elaborated, somehow unwillingly.

“Oh. I’m sorry for your loss.”

“No, he isn’t like, dead or something. He just went away." Keith was silent for a moment."To think about it, it all have a pattern, kind of: mom left me, then he did,then Shiro disappeared at Kerberos, then Shiro disappeared again... I guess, I’m just leaveble like this?” he laughed, but his voice held no humor in it.

And Lance had thought hugging him would be hard.

“Um,” Keith made a huffed sound what absolutely, with no possibility was cute. “What are you doing?”

“This thing is called a hug,” Lance informed helpfully, getting himself comfortable in Keith’s personal space. “People who are close to each other use it as a sign of affection or a comfort.”

“Which one is it?”

“Hm?”

“This hug…Is it a sign of a comfort…or affection?” and boy, if Keith wasn’t at least a little embarrassed asking this.

“Both.”

“Both?”

“Yeah, both is good. Also I just memed at you and you haven’t realized, probably because you lived in a shack in the desert, you poor uneducated soul.”

“ _Please_ ,” and Keith finally responded to a hug, hesitantly wrapping hands around Lance’s torso as well.

“Ow,” Lance said, as Keith’s hands brushed one of especially bad bruises.

“Your ribs!” red paladin exclaimed. “I almost forgot- have I, um, did I hurt you?” and then he tried to sneak out of the hug. _Not at Lance’s watch._

“And where are you going now,” he grumbled as he kept Keith close to him and even had an audacity to put his head on boy’s shoulder. Mullet tickled Lance’s face as he did so, relaxing and inhaling Keith’s scent.

It smelled surprisingly nice. Not like Lance expected him to stink or anything, but he haven’t expected it to smell nice either. Honestly, mix of someone else’s sweat, leather and some unrecognizable and probably exclusively Keith thing wasn’t supposed to smell so good. And yet, it did.

“Um,” Keith was still in the embrace once again, as if he was scared to move. “We need to treat your wounds? To put you in a pod. It’s dangerous to just walk around with your bones broken!” despite of his words, he haven’t made another escape attempt yet.

“I don’t want to,” Lance whined a little.

“Lance.”

“No, seriously; pod just makes me feel dizzy and sleepy and cold, I don’t like it.”

“It’s a necessity.”

“Still won’t make me enjoying it. It feels like being in a coma, or even dead.” Keith stiffened under his hands. “And trust me then I’m saying: feeling dead absolutely sucks.”

“You’re not going to die,” red paladin said, with probably too much force in his voice. “You’re going to sleep and wake up well rested and healed and alive.”

“Well, if you say so.”

None of them have let go of another yet.

* * *

Lance felt it bouncing in his ears from the very second they left wormhole, aching, calling for him. Boy brushed a call away for a time, but then, after all greetings were done, all people hugged, he found himself unable to resist any longer.

Lance's legs lead the way to lion's hangar without his own participation in this. And as the door of the elevator stopped wide open, he caught himself hurrying steps, getting into a run, launching his body right into Blue lion's head.

 **Lance** , bounced in his head, happy, relieved, a soft purr echoing in his ears, warm lion's presence holding him like a baby. **Lance, Lance, Lance, _Lance!_**  

 _Hi, Blue. I'm back, sorry for making you worry_.

 **You weren't there. We were supposed to go through wormhole but we didn't and you weren't there, weren't anywhere. I couldn't feel you, like you were...gone. Like that last time then you were gone and I was left, alone, so alone, for thousands of years,**  Lance felt her words rushing through his head, hurried, worried and desperate.

_Wait, last time? What are you talking about, Blue?_

**It doesn't matter now** , she avoided to answer. **You're back, you're here with me once more. You have come back.**

_Of course I came, you didn't think I'd just leave you here?_

**I didn't want to, yet was afraid of a possibility.**

_Ow, babe, you hurt me. I'd never abandon you like this._

**Not by your own choice, no. But things - bad things - happen. Yet here you are,** **you _have returned_ to me**.

 _I did, girl, I sure did_.

They were silent for a while, perfectly comfortable in each other's presence.

Blue felt like home, like deep oceans of Earth, like sky at the sunny day. Blue made him feel safe, secure, like nothing bad could ever happen. She made him feel to be a part of something big; Voltron, perhaps, or universe itself.

He could stay like this forever, cheek touching the refreshing cool of Blue's metal, but a sound of energy shield getting down drew his attention away.

It seemed Lance wasn't the one who decided to check on his lion.

From his position he could see them clearly: Black, with no shield up, dark, silent, waiting; and Shiro in front of him. Black paladin was still, looking at his lion as if deciding something, and even though Black's lights were off, Lance knew - he gazed back. After a silent moment of that could be called hesitant approach, Shiro seemed to decide something for himself and stepped forward. He let his left, human hand rest on Black's front panel gently and closed his eyes.

Lance decided what something had to be off with him, as he could, from far away, being another's lion pilot, feel Black so clearly.

Because he could feel it, a silent wait, a response to Shiro's soft touch, a deep calmness in realization what his paladin is back, unlike previous one. There were a lot of hidden undertones in it: melancholy, deep cut carelessly loss there connection once was. A weak image of a previous person once staying on that place, more blurry with every moment taken.

It made Lance close his eyes harshly, but a darkness of his eyelids haven't helped to get rid of the feeling Black rewoke in his mind. If anything, it made the feeling grew even stronger.

 _Am I the only one who' practically faints in the weak memory of Zarkon's presence?_ he thought. _And if yes, why?_

This sense of distinctional familiarity was back and it seriously hurt something inside him, as there was a piece inside of him, a pained, broken part of a puzzle he didn't want to recognize.

And yet, a piece wanted to be recognized.

A call took him out of drifting apart. He snapped his eyes wide open.

"Lance?" Shiro was now standing near him, looking a bit concerned.

"Right at you."

"Looks like we had the same idea here," man's posture eased as he smiled.

"Blue was calling to me very eagerly, I had to respond," he somehow felt the need to explain himself. "She feared I have died."

"I think everyone in the team were. What reminds me: you were harmed, were you not? I think cryopod is waiting for you."

"If you want to get rid of me, just say so," Lance joked, but tensed Shiro's expression showed what it wasn't the best idea.

"No one wants to get rid of you," he said, way too serious. "We care about you and your well-being. What's why..."

"Pod?"

"Exactly. And right away, if I'll ever see you wandering around the Castle with ribs broken ..."

"What then? You'll put me in a corner?"

"I'll be very concerned. And disappointed. And would _have to_ put you in a cryopod forcefully."

"Suddenly nap in a cold ancient life-preserving machine sounds great!"

* * *

"Guys, you all didn't have to gather here, honestly. It's not my first time in a pod, probably not the last either."

"I think I will express an opinion of everyone what we all prefer to see you in a pod as rare as possible."

"Aww, well, isn't it sweet. Still, no need in telling me group "goodnight"."

"Shut up and strip!"

"Pidge!"

"What? He needs to get out of these dirty clothes of his and put pod's suit on."

"Oh, right, I forgot about it." Lance chuckled as he started to unbutton jeans he took back in the hospital of another universe's Earth.

With a side of an eye he saw Keith pointedly looking in the opposite direction of undressing comrade.

 _Nerd_ , Lance thought affectionately, as he took off a shirt now, grimacing from the pain the effort it took reawakened. And maybe undressing in front of everyone wasn't the best idea after all.

"Okay, what the fuck!" Pidge not asked, but screamed.

"Dude," Hunk said, voice earnest and strangely fragile. "Were you walking around - rescuing Shiro and stuff - like that?"

Keith, who finally glanced at his direction, looked a little pale, as his eyes followed deep bluish and purple bruises on that part of skin what wasn't fixated by the courset. Some parts of Lance's torso had burning marks as well, alongside with small scratches.

"And you were all _"Oh, it's nothing!"_ " Pidge complained. "It doesn't look like nothing at all!"

"Looks like I'm going to turn galra any minute, right?" Lance joked. "It looks worse than it feels, trust me."

"Pod." Allura said, voice stern. " _Now_."

* * *

_He was having a dream._

_A dream there he wasn’t himself, and yet he was._

_Lance recognized himself laying on the ground, his sides dangerously aching, hands torn to blood. A figure rose in from of him, high and mighty, familiar, observing expectantly._

_“What’s going on,” Lance wanted to say, but “I lost again,” came instead. “Maybe I’m just not cut for it,” he continued, defeated. “Maybe it’s not where I belong.”_

_“You’re looking for excuses,” the one in front of him cut him off. “To give up and stop trying. A really disappointing view, I’ve expected more from you.”_

_“But what can I do?” Lance cried, desperately. “I can’t, no matter how hard I try, your warriors always win. I’m just not strong enough…”_

_“Physical strength isn’t everything,” a hand reached for him, offering help. He took it immediately._

_“There are another ways to win in the battle, you just need to learn them.”_

_“Can you teach me?”_

_His mentor was silent for a tic._

_“I suppose,” he finally said. “T_ _he_ _re is no arm in it. Get in position.” “_

_"Wait, now? Like right now?! But I just got beaten-“_

_“Do you want to learn or not?”_

_“I-I do!”_

_“Good. Then get in the position, take your bayard and attack me.”_

_“But I can’t even win against your lower rank soldiers, how could I possibly…”_

_“Attack!”_

_He had nothing to do but obey, and so he did. Blue paladin stood up steady, activated his weapon, getting bow ready, concentrated, finding target, and finally, fired._

_Nothing. His opponent hasn’t even needed to dodge an arrow, he just caught it, dismissing, making quintessence wrapped into form of a sharp line disappear._

_“Again,” he commanded. Lance signed, but aimed again. “The key to the victory is thinking as a victor," his mentor said, not even glancing at him. “And thinking. You might be not the strongest person around, but you have your brain, so put it in some use.”_

_The warrior depicted the second arrow with his sword with no effort taken. “_

_Watch your enemy, look for their flaws, use their strength to your advantage.” As the first two ones, the next arrow disappeared without hitting a target. “Fine, now it’s my turn. Protect yourself!”_

_“Wai-“boy wanted to scream, but had to concentrate on dodging and avoiding enormous attacks what started to fall at him then._

_“Now, start thinking! Don’t hesitate to use any trick you have in mind.”_

_"But isn’t it-“ he huffed, trying to catch a breath, only having to jump out of the way of a sword yet again. ”Isn’t it cheating? Father always… says we have to... fight fair.”_

_“Forget about what your father taught you. You’re in the battle, it’s you or your enemy. One of you will walk home victorious, another – lay dead on the ground. Which one you prefer to be?”_

_“The first…one.”_

_“Then prove it!”_

_He couldn’t speak anymore, had to time to pay attention to words as he tried not to get hit, not to get beaten to near death yet again, as he tried to survive._

_It was hard, of course it would be hard with his mentor._

_But if Lance wanted to get better, he needed to learn. To look for flaws, to use them. He needed to win a battle._

* * *

_Lance’s head was buzzing, body heavy and weak after an especially intense training, but he was proud. At the very end of a fight he managed to make a move, using a force with which his opponent hit as an advantage, avoiding the hit at the last moment and getting his enemy launched at the nearest wall, as he jumped away, getting bow ready and aiming there he knew a badly healed wound was._

_He passed out soon after what, blood loss and many cuts and bruises finally getting to him. It was true what everyone were saying: “Galra were merciless in a fight.”_

_As boy sat on a bed of the medbay, he heard a two hushed by the door, yet still clearly heated voices._

_“What have you been thinking, you could have killed him!” the first voice spoke, full of anger._

_“...is one of us now, he needs to learn now to fight properly.”_

_“He is just a child!” “_

_"No paladin of Voltron is a child! And he is a one now. Better me being the one to beat your son to near death now, than some unknown enemy taking his life later. Our cause is hard and dangerous; you can’t expect to shield him from everything.”_

_“You didn’t have to wound him up though! Honestly, your methods…”_

_“Do you want the child to be a burden to all and himself as well, or you want him to be a worthy of his title?”_

_“I want him to be **safe!** ” _

_It haven’t felt like this was the first argument of that kind. Rather, the continuation of long chain of heated conversations._

_Lance felt a hint of annoyance gathering in his rib cage. Honestly, who his father thought he was? He refused to train Lance properly, and how he was interfering in their trainings as well! Lance tried so hard to be useful, to be worth of something!_

_His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a door open._

_It was another door, not the one what lead to two arguing at the moment men, but the one what was behind the infirmary, to the inner rooms._

_A woman came from that door. Though, she wasn’t exactly a woman, a young lady, girl at the heat of her youth. She had her hair put in a tight bun, leaving pointy ears to a view. Warm brown face, framed with two glowing pink marks right under deep blue eyes, that were looking at Lance concerned and affectionate._

_It was Allura._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Freaking universe explanations just keep being put away to the next chapter, and then to the other one, and then again...


	8. I seek the stars above the world to be the guide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance has yet another dream, a big explanatory disput happens, also Allura and Lance have a talk and Lance discovers something special about himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty much boring chapter, as all they do here is talking and explaining stuff.  
> Give paladins internet connection 2k17.

_The first dream smoothly turned into the second, just as dreams often do, getting lost in a distance, vanishing away and not giving Lance a chance to process the happening._

_The second dream was nothing like first. There were no people, no actions and no surroundings. Whatsoever._

_It looked and felt like being deep underwater, no light getting to the bottom of it, just a dark water expanse everywhere he looked._

_Though, perhaps, not everywhere._

_He could hear a distant sobs, small and full of grief. Sound of it tore his heart apart for some reason, made him want to comfort person in pain. So, expected, he moved at the sound._

_She was crooked on her knees, desperately trying to stop cries and failing._

_Older than Lance remembered her, hair louder, a fresh bruise on a knee._

_"Lisa," he thought, "My little sister."_

_Apparently she somehow heard his thoughts, looking up faster than Lance though was possible, staring at him wide-eyed and then bursting out with sobs yet again._

_"Lisa," he tried again, getting closer to her, reaching his hands to hug immediately wrap her in a tight brotherly hug, softly pat her head, wipe her tears. Comfort her, protect._

_"Liz, sis, what happened? Who hurt you?"_

_She got a grip on his t-shirt, holding for dear life as if not letting go ever._

_"Lance," she half-sobbed, half-chocked. "Lance, where are you?! I miss you, and mama misses you, and Jellie with Este miss you too! Come back!"_

_"I'm sorry," he started. "I would be happy to, in truth, it's all I wish for, but I can't."_

_"Why?! Why whatever you’re doing now is more important than us? More important than mama?! They said," she stopped to leave another heartbreaking sob. "They said you're dead! With no...n-no body to recover!" for a moment there was nothing but her crying. "Like...like you're not even a person! You're not a body, you're **Lance** , you're my brother and I want you back! I don't believe this "dead, no body" bullshit, none of us does. Come back to us, Lance! P-please! I promise I won't tease you anymore, I'll even do your chores! Just...come back!" _

_"Lisa," he whispered, nuzzling into her hair. "Baby Lisa."_

_"You know I hate then you call me that."_

_"My dear little Lizbet, fierce valkirie warrior in thirteen years old body-"_

_"Got fourteen just some days ago."_

_Something cracked in Lance's heart then, stopped and then broke to pieces. He missed Lisa's birthday. He promised he'll be there and wasn't._

_He failed her. Her, Angie and Este, Leo, Lexandr, who probably had a child already, as Veronica was pregnant: he failed them all. And mom. Oh, their sweet, gentle, caring mother who could rip anyone apart if only they dared to hurt one of her children. Mother of six, a single parent since their father was taken away by cancer. Always strong, always standing unbending, proud of every single one of her children, no matter how much they actually succeed. Proud of him as well._

_"I'm sorry! So, so sorry," now there were two sobbing teens. "I'll be back soon, I promise! To your fifteen birthday, I hope...Definitely to you sweet teen sixteen summer beach party."_

_"Is whatever you're doing important at least?" He looked her straight in the eye._

_"Very. You won't believe me, I know. But I'm...I am a part of something big now, something serious. We're protecting universe, or, well, we're trying,at least? We're deep in outer space. Every time you look up? I'm somewhere out there. Oh, and aliens? Totally real. In fact, one of my teammates is part-alien. Remember Mullet?"_

_"Oh my god!" she practically screeched. "Are you saying what your crush is out there with you in space? What you're protecting universe from whatever together?"_

_"I d-don't have a crush on him!"_

_"Sure. Every time I called you, or mom, or Angie or Stefan, all you could talk about was that too cool for school moody dude with awful hairstyle what he somehow managed to rock. **"** **Kogane this, Kogane that, Kogane aced the stimulation again** ," she mimicked him. _

_"I do not, I repeat, I do not sound like this! Absolutely not!"_

_"Lie to yourself, brother, but don't you dare lie to me. Now spill all details, so, you're in space, fighting someone. Are you like resistance from Star Wars? Are you fighting an evil empire? How many aliens have you seen? Any pretty ones? The ones with like twenty legs and three heads?"_

_"Whoa, chill, little one, let me get started..."_

* * *

Lance woke up and immediately fell into someone's arms.

Very familiar arms. In fact, they belonged to one extremely talented and good-hearted engineer whom he had a privilege to call his best friend.

"Hunk," he said, voice hoarse from a sleep. "I knew I could always trust you to caught me in your arms."

He was hugged gently, and then put back to the ground, though Hunk still helped him to stay vertical. Boy, if these pods didn't make you dizzy.

"How are you feeling?" his friend asked. "We were worried, it took you more than it should to heal."

"So I kept you waiting?" he chuckled. "You did. But we're ready to wait as long as you needed, it's just..."

"Just?"

"It was different from the first time. Coran said your ribs healed pretty fast, in two hours or so, but you was kept in a pod, in a sleep, for the whole day. You just didn't wake up and pod kept scanning you like there was some kind of damage it just couldn't deal with. It really scared us all."

Hunk looked all over Lance; as if checking if he has all body parts human requires, if everything was on its place.

"I don't know, dude. It was weird. Also," Hunk's face took the expression he usually had before spilling some sweet gossip. "Keith was practically climbing a walls while you were out. I think he blamed himself for not bringing you to pod earlier or something, and maybe it has to do with this hug _Pidge totally haven't recorded_ on a Castle's cameras, or what you two were the only ones getting to another universe and rescuing Shiro, but he was pretty worried as well. Not like he said so, but I think I know him enough to recognize such attitude." He looked at Lance's skeptical face. "Alright, do you recall how he acted then Shiro just disappeared?"

"That's hard to forget," Lance frowned. "He was like a wild caged beast, restless, ready to snap at anyone, to fight anything."

"See? He acted just the same, as you were in the pod. Dude, he snapped a _t Shiro_."

"Whoa there, are you seriously trying to convince me he said something just partly rude to his brother, the only person in probably the whole universe he listens to and respects? Did he eat an especially nasty portion of green goo or something?"

"I know! Well, he apologized almost right away and honestly looked taken aback and surprised by his own words, but point still stands."

"Whoa twice!"

"But anyway, I know you just woke up and still a little bit disoriented, but we haven't discussed what happened with the universe jump as you were asleep to not leave you out of this, so Allura wanted to have a meeting as soon as you're able. You think you are?"

"Heck yeah, let's go, can't wait to find out what went wrong _this time_."

* * *

Room they entered was a little bit crowded, as everyone was there already. Pidge was sitting legs crossed on the coach, laptop with them, typing something furiously. _Typical Pidge_. Allura was  on a chair near the table, as Shiro was standing with her, leaning closer and saying something quietly. Coran stood not so far away, side-eyeing princess and paladin with all-knowing look.

And Keith... Keith was sitting on the coach near Pidge, he looked like he was holding himself from doing something rush, silent and unmoving, but clearly restless. As the door slide open, letting Hunk and Lance in, he glanced quickly in that direction, before looking away. Then froze, looked back, this time with attention. Lance felt like he was being scanned, Keith's demanding look pierced into him, observing, searching for something. It was left unknown if he found what he was looking for, as at that exact moment Allura noticed newcomers.

"Lance, I'm glad you're well rested!" she exclaimed. "Ready to join us?"

"Ready as ever!"

"Good. Then, if no-one mind, I'll start. We all have noticed what our last travel through wormhole to another universe hasn’t worked...as smoothly as we'd liked it to. While Keith and Lance were away, we, besides being extremely worried for both of them and keeping wormhole open so they could return, as it was all we could do, also tried to find reasons and causes for what have happened."

"Princess, may I?" a familiar alien figure appeared near her. "Of course, Slav."

"Thank you. I believe the process we all managed to experience was created by universe we tried to enter itself. You see, universe is alive, as much as quintessence is. And to function properly, as in to avoid whole universe rolling up in a black hole and self-destroying, it needs to maintain a balance, an equilibrium. As long as we entered universe just for some time, trying to detect your teammate, universe's equilibrium wasn't disturbed much. It probably would if we'd stay for longer, but luckily we left a dimension as long as we detected no Shiro in it. With the sixth try, though... This universe already had some kind of minor disturbance in the face of our Shiro. Two exact persons, as in that universe's Takashi Shirogane and our as well, in the same dimension created unbalance. So then we tried to enter, the cloth of universe itself resisted, protecting it's safety. And we were pushed back."

"But Keith and Lance went thought! And in different conditions."

"I believe I have explanation for this as well. You see, Red paladin the only one went through wormhole without any disturbance or discomfort, with his lion, and appeared on the other side of wormhole, just as it was planned. This leads to conclusion what there was no resistance from universe's side, meaning no danger to equilibrium from Keith. It could be in one situation-"

"If the universe he entered had no Keith to begin with?"

"Yes."

"Then it would not create an imbalance, but a minor inconvenience, just another piece added to the whole puzzle. Not planned, but not bothering either."

"I believe so."

"So," Lance started. "The universe we were in has no Keith? At all?"

"It appears so. Though it's hard to identify if he existed but his lifetime was over before we came or he simply never was."

"Damn it."

"And what about Lance?" Keith spoke, successfully getting away from a topic he wasn't comfortable with and asking about what worried him for a while. "He appeared at that universe differently and was hurt in a process."

"Oh, yes, about him...He, as we already established, existed back in that universe."

"Exist... _ed_? In past tense?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Could you...elaborate?"

Lance had a bad feeling about this.

"Well, let's start from the basics: if that universe had Lance's alter ego, he wouldn't be able to go through. Correct?"

"Yes. Wait, backup a little: you’ve said about Keith "it's hard to identify if he ever existed", meaning what if someone had alter ego there but they died, they could have enter universe without a trouble?"

"That's my hypothesis, yes."

Lance's bad feeling became very bad.

"I think, Slav is trying to say," Coran continued. "What there was possibility of someone to get into that universe if their alter ego is in a grave danger. On this thin line between death and life, while alter Lance both existed and not, our Lance had a chance to try. However..."

"Did universe tried to keep balance somehow?" Lance heard himself saying. "If alter Lance would have survived, equilibrium would be disturbed."

No-one answered him, as everyone was trying to wrap their heads around the theory they were presented. Lance continued.

"Like for me to be able to enter, alter Lance had to not exist. And he was in a great danger. Could I...while trying to get through...Could I finish him?"

"I believe it was more like you both were thrown at life threatening situation and whoever had more chances-"

"-or thought against universe more-"

"-survived. We can't say why exactly it happened; all we're trying to achieve on this meeting is to have some idea about what happened."

"But another Lance is dead?"

"I'm afraid everything is leading to this conclusion."

"And I'm the cause of his death."

"It's not that simple-"

And this is where he found himself laughing loudly, yet humorously, tight knot of bad feeling what have been forming there for a while finally letting to know of itself.It was the edge of hysterics, the moment then brain is so overwhelmed with negative information, it tries to laugh it off, as if that would get rid of the bitter truth uncovered.

"That's...pretty ironic, in some cruel way. Totally the most hilarious suicide I've heard of."

Lance thought about Lisa in his dream. Lance, come back to us, echoed in his head. Have another Lance had a younger sister too? Was she waiting for him at home? And his mother, other family members?

 _They haven't even knew alter Lance was taking part in a fly on the experimental model_ , he though bitterly. _Good thing I asked Shiro to look after them._

Lance hasn’t even noticed how everyone moved, but now they appeared to be close to him, everyone trying to share a little bit of a comfort. Several hands were lying on his shoulders and back, supporting, and Pidge's small hand was playing with his hair gently.

"Whatever happened, it's not your fault," Shiro said, and painfully reminded Lance of his alter ego from that universe they were in.

"And don't you even dare think you were less deserving than another Lance," Pidge commanded. "Don't."

"Yes, Lance," at this point Lance was practically buried in Hunk's hug. The best creation of universe, these Hunk's amazing hugs. "I'm glad you were the one, who survived. I feel sorry for another Lance and a little bit bad, but I wouldn't choose any other Lance over you. So thank you for staying alive. Thank you for returning to us."

Lance sobbed. He had a feeling he was crying too much lately, but sometimes...sometimes tears were too hard to hold back. They stayed like this for a while, team silently supporting their friend. Finally Lance raised his head, whipping the last of tears.

"Alright, I'm good." he sniffed one final time. "But why we needed to uncover the reasoning behind last universe jump anyway?"

"Oh, you see," Allura stood up and walked back to a table she moved from, each step echoing through the silent room. "You all aware what we're in a dimension pocket right now? Early I explained Shiro about how we had to find small uninhabited platform to ease our travels between words. Dimension pocket we're in is basically a small universe model what haven't developed further than limited part of space, several wasteland planets and meteors. It's practically the embryo of universe. We used it as a main ground to travel to other to universes and return from them. This choice also helped us to avoid engagement with galra forces: even as Zarkon is out of the view for now, galra empire still stands and stays a huge treat. We couldn't get distracted by fights, not to mention what they could interfere into jumping process and it would lead to grave results."

She stopped for a moment, looking at every single person in the room thoughtfully.

"Unfortunately, as the last universe jump went in quite... unexpected way, our system went though high energy calibrations and have endured severe damage. A lot of our calculations and hard working of last weeks went to ashes."

"And that means?"

"We have lost coordinates and set off universes data, our original universe included. We can no longer return."

“Well, not as dramatic as that,” Pidge intervened. “We can return, we just have absolutely no idea where to. Like, we lost coordinates, so we can just jump endlessly from universe to universe till we’re out of energy and then die from starvation.”

“We still can try to restore data and gather recourses in universes we try,” Hunk suggested. “This is the main plan, as we don’t have another. We have already started calculating possibilities and recollecting information what was lost. The way back looks hard indeed, but it’s not impossible.”

“We had harder challenges.”

“Indeed. But what’s why it was important for all of us to understand universe’s mechanics, or basics of it. There is a possibility of universe’s resistance repeating, as well as some of paladins getting though the wormhole while others can’t, so we need to be ready. Both physically and mentally.”

“Sounds like a plan. A very uncertain, and yet a plan.”

“Then that’s all for now. Please, make sure to rest after everything we went thought, Shiro, you especially.”

“Princess, I assure you, I’m fine-“

“And yet, I insist,” her voice softened. “I know it’s hard for you, but I also know what you’re the one who needs rest the most. If you’ll have…hard time sleeping, you’re always welcome to spar with me. Additional training won’t hurt. Or just,” she stumbled over her own words. “Just talk? I do enjoy your company.”

“I…it would be a pleasure,” he answered, sounding kind of unsure of what’s happening. Pidge snickered quietly, sending their leader a sly look not promising anything good.

* * *

It appeared, Allura had something to discuss with Lance in private.

Lance was going to leave the room as soon as their informative meeting ended: he needed some time to get used to everything he found out and reflect on the dreams he had in cryopod as well. He had suspicion these dreams of his were a little bit more than just dreams, but he had no prove to support this theory, so he tried not to jump to conclusion. Some time to at least think in piece would be nice, though. In Blue's company, perhaps.

Allura, however, had another plans.

"Lance," she called, as he was halfway to exit already. "Can you please stay for a moment?" Lance grimaced jokingly to Pidge and Hunk, both of them raising eyebrows in question - "Someone is in trouble," Pidge whispered, sounding too joyful for Lance's taste -  then saluted them and turned around to face princess. Door behind him closed with soft "whoosh", cutting away escape.

He tried to pinpoint that moment then he stopped to think about Allura as of a hot alien girl and started to see her as some kind of big sister figure. It was a strange change, unexpected. Maybe it was because she and Shiro always acted as a "parents" of the group of teens, the most mature of all of them, Coran excluded.

He flirted with her at the beginning mostly because that's what he did: he flirted with everything what moved. What didn't move, he made to and then flirted. It was some kind of coping mechanism of his, he thought, helped to deal with his creeping insecurities, cover them, pretending to be super confident. However, as his attempt to flirt with princess lead to nothing but her - and the whole group, to be honest - annoyance, he eventually stopped. Because, hello, Lance wasn't dense and was pretty aware that everyone considered him annoying already, so it would be better not to add oil in the fire.

Lance thought about how just weeks ago he'd try to turn private time with princess to use, annoying her with his pathetic attempts yet again. Now he was just a little bit curious.

"There is a topic I would like to discuss with you," Allura started, as they were left alone. "It's a delicate one, so I'd thought you'd like to keep it private."

"So what's up, you finally realized how great guy I am and decided to confess your undying feelings to me?" weirdly, it was more a joke than a flirt. Allure still frowned, though.

"Not exactly, " she said. "As you were in cryopod for a second time, Coran and I have noticed an...anomaly of a kind. You're aware you were asleep longer than your condition needed, am I right?"

"Yes?"

"We were expecting you to leave pod after your ribcage was fully healed, and yet for some reason you couldn't wake up. Coran and I run some additional tests to figure out the cause of it and it appears... It appears you have some abilities as a quintessence-sensitive."

"Wait, who? What abilities?"

"Quintessence-sensitive," Allura repeated. "Is a termin used back in Altea to describe a person who has natural ability to sense, manipulate and guide quintessence through the world around them and themselves."

"Wait, so they're like galran druids?"

"Less violent in their ways, but yes. Fully trained quintessence-sensitive could become a good protectors and support to their people. Your newfound abilities could prove themselves quite useful, especially against Haggar and her kind."

"So the thing yours saying is what I’m badass space mage?!"

"Quintessence-sensitive."

"Whatever! Wow, there is something special in me after all!"

"Don't get all enthusiastic!" Allura, despite her words, was smiling herself. "Though I'm quite excited myself as well. I just recently found in myself abilities to quintessence manipulation and would be happy to have a partner to learn with!"

"Wait, you want to train with me?!"

"Not train," princess corrected. "Learn. Though train will come too, eventually. I honestly don't know how often these abilities are between humans, as you five are the first members of that race I have ever met. I believe if Altea was still around, there could be something alike to academy for quintessence-sensitive, humans included. But for now, "she sighed. ”You're the second human I have seen even a hints of this ability."

"Wait, the second? Who's the first one?"

 _Watch it being Keith_ , Lance thought bitterly.

"Shiro," princess said simply.

"Shiro is another badass space warlock?! Wait a minute; it actually doesn't surprise me so much. It's this thing he does with his mechanical arm, right?"

"Yes. I noticed some time ago how he manages to push galra-inflicted quintessence in his arm back with his own will, that was clear quintessence manipulation, even if unintentional. It's also can be a reason why he manages to control his arm in the way he does."

"So why don't you want to train with him? Why choosing me instead?"

"Shiro has a lot on his shoulders already, i don't want to burden him even more with these new facts."

"But you can burden me?"

"Forgive me for intervention, but I couldn't help but notice what you feel inferior and seek a way to prove yourself."

"Mice told you!"

"They did."

"Little gossiping traitors!"

"They were worried about you!"

"Cool motive, still a murder."

"A murder?" Allura repeated, confused. "Lance, there was no murder."

"Sorry, it's a reference to one of tv shows back from Earth. Holy quiznack, I miss TV! And internet, I miss it so much!"

“Oh, I’ve heard about this earthling technology from Hunk! It’s basically human version of wide virtual dimension available for everyone, am I correct?”

“More or less,” Lance nodded. ”It’s available mostly for purchase, but like you have to pay for everything these days, capitalism sucks. But yeah, you could communicate with people on big distances – I’m not saying big space like though, planet like mostly – use text chats, video calls, watch stuff. Oh, I bet I’ve missed so many new episodes of my favorite series!”

“Castle has an equivalent of it, actually.” Allura noticed. “Perhaps we can arrange one of movie nights sometime? For teamwork and bonding purposes, of course!”

“Of course!” Lance nodded slyly. “I still hope Hunk and Pidge will find some way to make internet for us, though… It would help everyone, let us stay grounded…Also we could watch videos with kittens!”

“Are those…”

“Oh, they’re baby cats! Cat’s are animals from Earth, not like wild ones, but domesticated, pets! They’re like galra,” Lance looked at Allura’s frown and tried to quickly save situation. “-But not exactly! They’re pretty much not humanoid and homicidal! Though we don’t know what exactly happens in cat’s mind, so I can’t say for sure. They’re like…like lions, but small and live in our homes! Though they not always live there, there are kinds what live outdoors, wild ones, and there are stay cats and-“

“Thank you, “ Allura stopped him mid sentence. “I understood you and I’d like to see these kittens one day. But we got distracted from our main topic. I was speaking about us, you and me, getting used to out quintessence-sensitive abilities together. I could help you to understand books we have about it, they’re on altean and I’m afraid translator loses some important details in process. I’ll try to explain them the best I can. In the meanwhile you’ll help me as well, providing training companion and helping to expanse my abilities. You don’t have to learn it if you don’t want to, but I would insist for you to, “Allura looked at Lance attentively. “These abilities would help us in the battles we still have to win and protect us from druid’s influence.” 

"Alright,“ Lance finally said, after the long princess’ speech. “It seems you’re offering me to prove myself with this space wizardry. I’m in. Then do we start?”


	9. Breathe in, breathe out. Let the human in.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They are trying, also known as Allura and Lance start training/learning and it doesn't give immediate results both of them expected. Nothing is as easy as you want it to.  
> Also Coran appreciates paladins a lot and Pidge is a genius.

The thing about being locked in a space with nothing but, well, space, is what there is no things to do there. Whatsoever.

The thing about trying to learn weird space magic is what, apparently, you need to learn to feel yourself first. Whatever it even means.

Lance lifted eyelids a little, spying at Allura’s direction. She looked calm: eyes closed, palms resting on her crossed legs, face emotionless.

"Lance," she warned. He immediately closed his eyes as well.

"I'm trying," he said, pleading. "But it's hard! How am I supposed to sit still, relax and stop thinking at all? Is it even possible?"

"Judging by your usual attitude, I wouldn't think you'd have so much trouble not thinking."

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"

"Shush."

"But-"

" _Shush_! Eyes closed, breath stilled, relax and think about something nice."

"I wonder then the food will be ready."

"Lance!"

"But I'm hungry," he complained. "Also my nose is itching and I can't feel my right leg, which is funny because _I am_ right leg-"

" _Lance!_ " Allura opened her eyes, clearly irritated. "I'm trying to teach you how to get in touch with yourself, but it won't work if you'll keep getting distracted. Concentrate, please. Breathe in, breathe out, close your eyes-"

"And think of England."

"What?"

"Sorry, it's nothing. See, I'm sitting here, still, eyes closed, just as I was for the last half of hour. And! Nothing happens. Is it supposed to be some kind of revelation? What should happen?"

"Stop talking and just do as I say," princess commanded, clearly having very little patience left. " _Please_."

"Well, if you insist."

"I do."

"Alrighty," he shifted, getting into more comfortable position and froze still yet again.

And nothing was happening. Only silence, only breathing of two creatures in a locked empty room and gentle humming of castle's energy.

"I still don't get-"

"Lance!"

"I'm sorry, but-"

"Stop getting distracted!"

"I'm trying, but it's hard-"

"There is literally nothing hard about it!"

"Well, it's hard for me! Sorry for being so dysfunctional! Maybe it would be easier if you'd stop raising your voice at me!"

"I'm not raising your voice, but just trying to guide you!" "See? You're doing it again, right now!"

The door separated them from the rest is the world opened, revealing Shiro.

"Is everything alright?" he asked, concerned. "I heard heated voices."

"Yes-, no-, I don't know," princess finally admitted, defeated. "Lance and I were trying to meditate, but it doesn't seem to work. We need to find some other way."

"I'm sorry, I have tried-"

"I know," she looked at Lance softly. "I'm sorry for pushing you so much and getting annoyed. This method isn't for everyone. I'm sure we can try something else, later. It's over for now."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, go rest."

"But I haven't achieved anything yet."

"You have tried and it matters as well. Don't worry about it too much. You have a potential, we'll find a way to unlock it in one way or another."

* * *

Lance has left the room, feeling relieved, uncertain and guilty at the same time.

He was excited to find out about his ability to manipulate quintessence, but it seemed now it was but another unreachable thing for him.

Just because he couldn't concentrate properly. Lance's thoughts just kept jumping from one to another, sometimes trying to outrun each other. His mind was in a constant buzzing of ideas, images and impressions and he didn't know how to just make it all stop. Internal peace sounded very foreign to him.

He walked to a kitchen, expecting to see Hunk there, but was met with noone but royal altean adviser himself instead. Coran was cooking something looking slightly disgusting, humming some melody to himself.

"Hey, Coran," boy greeted him, sitting on one of the free chairs nearby.

"Oh, Lance, my boy! Hello! I haven't expected to meet you there at this time, weren't you supposed to be meditating with princess?"

"We were," he sighed. "But well, it didn't work. I kept getting distracted and couldn't calm down and in the end Allura got angry at me and said we're over for today."

"I see. Would you mind to serve as a food tester for me then?"

"Um, sure?" boy glanced at something on a pan Coran was making.

"And...What is this exactly?"

"It's the traditional celebratory meal we used to have back in Altea! With Shiro back, I decided we all deserve a moment to celebrate what we all have and to be grateful for it. Our situation is far from perfect, but it could be so much worse!"

"That's true. And how is this celebratory meal called?"

"It's called Rolyac's Blessing. Rolyac was one of the altean heroes of the past, it is said he was the one who made Altea as glorious as it was! He also was a path holder of peace and protector of nature. People in Altea always made this meal as a symbol of a future grown and progression. It was usually prepared for someone's days of creation."

"So it's like birthday cake?"

"Not exactly a cake. It's more like a dessert made of various Altean plants. Unfortunately,"Coran sighed. "All plants on Altea died alongside with a planet. What we have there are just a few stocks what were kept in castle's kitchens."

"Shouldn't you save it for some special occasion then? For then galra empire will be defeated fully? Why waste it on us?"

"My dear, this is not a waste! And I'm convinced all of us staying alive and gathering together is a good occasion itself. We can celebrate what we have achieved already and wish for future grown and success."

"Alright then, it sounds good." Lance glanced at the dish yet again. "Is it supposed to be so...purple?"

"It's should be bright pink, but unfortunately I lack one of the ingredients, so it differs from its original version. But it still supposed to taste just right. Care to try?" the man offered Lance a spoon full of violet jelly-like substance.

"Uh, yeah!" he took a spoon and eyed a weird dish suspiciously. "Here comes nothing!"

It hasn’t tasted bad, not as Lance expected it would. A dessert was unusual, with hint of grass taste; also apparently it had spices in it. But it was sweet and left a unique salty yet fresh aftertaste on a tongue.

"It's actually pretty good!" Lance admitted, surprised.

"Splendid! I'm glad you enjoyed my humble cooking."

"Oh, it's more than just humble!" boy protested. "I know I complained about your cooking before, but this one thing is really tasty. I think others will love it!"

"Your words reassured me, "Coran smiled, clearly pleased with compliment. "As my main cause was to enlighten you and not to cause a food poisoning." He looked at Lance thoughtful. "You can never know how your earthling's stomach would react to alien food: you humans are so fragile, it worries me a lot."

"We're a lot tougher then we look," Lance disagreed, trying to sneakily steal another piece of weird alien birthday jelly. Coran caught him red handed but just nodded allowingly, moving plate closer to the boy's reach.

"You seem to be troubled by something, " he mentioned, looking as Lance tries to hold jelly-like substance on a spoon and failing.

"Hm? What do you mean?"

"I have noticed it a while ago already, but thought it was just a result of Shiro's absence and all troubled included. But He's back and you're still acting a little bit off than usual." Coran examined Lance with a knowing look. "Is there something bothering you?"

"Not at all," he tried to deny, but patient look of his older friend have won against his composure."Well, actually, there is something...But I'm sure it's not important!"

"Allow me to seize its importance, if you will."

"Well...where to start...I've been having these weird dreams lately. They have started as Shiro was away and continue now as well. They...feel different than all other dreams I have. More real," Lance stumbled, trying to find the right words, as Coran waited patiently. "In these dreams I'm me but not me at the same time. Like, I know it's me, but I just can't recognize myself? Everything is so foreign: places, people around me. But at the same time I know what I was there before. I- it's just as I said, nothing!" He waved his hands, trying to dissolve tense atmosphere he somehow managed to create. "Just silly dreams, no biggie!"

"I wish I could have an instant answer to your worry, but, unfortunately, I don't. However," Coran raised voice enthusiastically."There is one thing we can try. There is possibility of monitoring your mind at the moment then you see a dream, this way the visions you see would be available for seeing on the screen and even could be recorded. It's somewhat alike to that mind melding exercise Allura showed you, difference is what in your case helmet would work on a asleep, subconscious brain. We could try it, if you'd like. Of course, if you are uncomfortable with the idea or have any other negative emotions towards it, you don't have to. I understand person's need for privacy."

"No, I-I think I'd like to try. Don't know why, but I feel like this is important. Like I'm missing something big. It won't hurt to try, right?"

"I'll make sure to get everything prepared then."

* * *

 "Get up, losers!" Pidge practically fell through an opened door. "While you were busy doing nothing I've solved all our problems!" they paused. "Well, not _all_ of them. But I did manage to cut a trillions variations of different realities to somewhat 10 of the ones what definitely include our universe. This is, compared to original number, is a hu-uge deal. So," they smirked. "Where is my applause?"

* * *

"Okay, so we have like 10 universes."

"More or less."

"One of them is ours."

"Yeah."

"And chances of getting to it are 1/10".

"In the worst case scenario we'll just have to try all ten of them."

"If our resources will allow us."

"Alright, team, quick briefing while the last preparations are being made," called to everyone's attention Shiro. "Remember, the most important thing is to stay connected. Hunk modified intercom so it would supposedly work even if persons communicating are in two different realms. I have no idea how he managed-"

"-miracle worker!"

"-Yes, Lance, we all appreciate Hunk's hard work."

"Just making sure."

"It's nice of you. Anyway, interuniverse communication is set only between all paladins and Castle, I suppose it has to do something with your bond to lions as well. The point is, even if we'll get separated, as in the case of just some of us getting though wormhole, you still can and absolutely should contact others. Staying together is our main priority, second one is resources. Pidge installed in everyone's suit quintessence crystals detective scanner, also we'll need food supplies as well. Do not engage battles, explore area, as soon as you find out anything that varies from our universe, return."

"Don't we have like...scan to detect if the universe we entered our or not?"

"No, unfortunately. We'll have to find it out yourselves."

"But like, clearly if not all of us have came through universe, then we're in a wrong one, right?"

"Correct. In this case the ones who got though have to return immediately. Got it, team?" A chorus of varied affirmative answers came in response. "Good. Then get into your lions, it’s time to return home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watch all their plans getting ruined and another mess to ensure.  
> (I wonder how long fic will be...Chapters 20, I guess? Everything is so slo-ow, why all these small details matter so much)


	10. We only got one shot, so let’s make it count.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything goes wrong (again). Also a lot of things happen with Lance: he gets captured, breaks out, almost dies and flirts with aliens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is written mostly in dialogue form as it's the most appropriate for that situation.  
> Also no space magic for y'all yet, but enjoy Lance being a hero.  
> P.S. You'll pry Bi Lance away from my cold dead hands.

Nothing has gone according to plan.

In fact, everything went to hell. Very progressed, came from sci-fi dystopian novel, full of extremely unfriendly aliens hell.

Hell was located on a planet Wrysh; population one milliard aliens of different species, former pirate harbor, currently controlled by dictator government.

Hell was all neat and cool and full of exiting technologies. It also included Lance and only him, as other four paladins weren't able to come though wormhole.

"Fucking amazing," Lance exclaimed emotionally, yet quietly, so that side walking guards wouldn't hear him.

"It would be freaking nice if our plans have worked just for once."

"How are you holding up?" Shiro asked, concerned; interrealm communication proving itself functional.

"Like a prisoner. Or rebel. Or rebel prisoner. Imprisoned rebel?"

"Lance, it's not the time for jokes," Lance absentmindedly wondered if galra had some relation to snakes, as Keith's voice was nothing but angry hiss. "Do you understand how bad is the situation you are in?"

"Well, better than someone," he snapped, too tired to hold back, too tired to worry either. "These charming lads have promised to "reprogram" me if I won't behave, "fixing a general error in existent code". Pidge, what the heck, you should have ended in this hellhole!"

"I agree, I'd be so much more of use than you anyway-"

"Hey!"

"But it was you who got into this mess. You're the one who's getting out of it and successfully returns to Blue and then goes through wormhole back to us. You understand, McClain?!"

"Ouch, stop pressing me so much or I might decide to stay in this welcoming neighborhood."

"Don't you fucking-"

"I'm joking, _joking_! Alright, these jerks that captured me are back, I'll be back in a moment."

* * *

"Might....have taken me more than...phew, a moment."

"Lance?! Where have you been, it has been an hour!"

"...might have...had to break out... of prison..."

"What?! How are you? Why are you breathing so hard?"

"Out...of breath. I was running...for last ten...fifteen, maybe?...minutes. Let...me catch it."

For a while it was only breathing on the other side of comms. Finally Lance spoke again.

"Sorry for keeping you wait."

"It's fine. How are you? Are you hurt?"

"Nah, in one piece. Kinda "tired and lost in sewers" piece, but still."

"What happened?"

"So you remember guards coming for me, right? They took me to this guy called Uik, who's kinda their big boss. And he was all: "Cooperate or else." Well, of course I said: "Fuck you, dude, where is my lion?" So he's like: "We have your mechanical beast, cooperate and get it back, resist and you'll regret it." He seems like pretty awful individual, so I'm like: "Fuck you twice as hard," and Blue is like:"Agreed". Then he gets all super angry to the point his face gets several shades darker, then he says shit like:"Get him into recalibration room and prepare to blast through beast's shield." I'm trying to resist, but it's pretty much useless. So they take me to this lab, throw me in a huge metal table and start connecting some cables to me. I'm clearly not happy, but guys have a strong grip, so I obey. Apparently they're going to electroshock me to tech-brainwash, reprogram or whatever. But something goes wrong, all these cables suddenly spark and room catches a fire. Imagine a picture: everything is on fire, dudes are screaming, I am screaming - I was hit with a electricity wave just a moment before -, Blue is panicking in my mind. It's just like that meme: "this is fine", you know? Though its not fine at all.

So I decide: it's my chance! I'm breaking free and trying to run, but then this lab dude scientist or technician or whoever the quiznack he is tries to stop me with - attention! - my own Bayard! The audacity! Luckily for me and unfortunately - for him, he can't activate weapon. I can, though; so I push it to myself, activate and shoot asshole where I can. It appears to be his face. And then I'm running again, fast as I, all covered in weird alien slime they have instead of blood; a lot of hella buff soldiers after me. Exciting, am I right?"

"Wow, I don't know what to say. It was definitely...an experience."

"Oh yeah, it was."

"Have you recovered Blue?"

"Not yet, apparently they took her on another base. But she'll lead me the way."

"Lance, please, be safe."

"Trust me, I'm trying. Gotta go, Lancelot out!"

* * *

"Why is Lancelot though?"

"Well, he's Lance and he kinda liked tales about Lancelot as a child and we're kind of like knights of the Round Table? Knights of the Space Lions."

* * *

"Houston, we have so many problems," Lance smirked, getting in position and aiming his Bayard.

"Lance?" Pidge's worried voice came from intercom. "What's going on?!"

"An ambush," first of the soldiers went down with a soft "zip" of a bullet cutting though the air. "Seven - six already - highly armored tech upgraded brainwashed Uik's war dogs." Another zipping sound. "Five now. Okay, I've been noticed, gotta go, gotta change position."

"Don't go, _run_!"

"No need to hurry, babe," he sang. "We have all the time of the universe. Though maybe not. Ouch. Alright, that seriously hurt!"

"Lance, what the fuck!"

"Hey, I'm not the one who's shooting at me! A-a-and, miss! Dude, what was that?! Who aims like this, don't you have cool cyber eyes or something?"

"I'll kill you then you'll come back," Pidge murmured.

"Hah, get in line!"

* * *

"Alright, where are you?"

"Uh...somewhere?"

"Very informative, asshole! I'm starting to think you don't actually want to go back."

"Hey, try to navigate in sewers! Everything is the same here and nothing smells like daisies! And-ugh! Oh my god, it smells even worse here! Wait a minute; I think I saw something that way!"

* * *

"Do I hear more shots getting fired?" Shiro asked, clear worry in his voice.

"Yeah, but it's nothing serious, they're just trying to hit me,"

"What doesn't sound like nothings serious! Why haven't you said anything earlier?"

"If I'll start alerting you every time someone is trying to kill me, I won't be able to breathe! Everything on this god forbidden planet has some kind of personal vendetta against me!"

"Alright, you don't have to alert us about any minor thing, but make sure to inform us next time something big happens, please."

"Okie-dokie. Oh shi-, Lancelot to Castle, Lancelot to Castle, we have unexpected visitors!"

"Already?!"

"Yeah, seems like these guys called for help. I'm popular!"

"Please, be careful."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll turn comms off for a while: Lancelot out."

* * *

"Lancelot to Castle , Lancelot to Castle, please respond!"

"What happened? Are you under attack?!"

" _Stranger danger_!"

"What does this- wait, why is Pidge making that face?"

"You better be _kidding_ me right now."

"I'm absolutely, 100% serious! My heart is suffering from severe damage of this blinding beauty in front of me!"

" _Oh my god_ , Lance!"

"What? He's pretty and doesn't try to shoot me! It's hard to resist."

"Wait, he...?"

"Well, it's hard to say with an alien thing, also I've learned hard way what gender binary is but a social construct-"

"Glad to see you've remembered my lessons. Good job, young padavan."

"Happy to please, master. Anyways, he looks pretty male bodied, but should I maybe call him "them"?"

"Go for it."

"Got it. Wait a minute, I'm going to say hello and ask how to address them. Lancelot out."

* * *

 "I actually asked because I didn't- have you known Lance is attached to guys?"

"Well, yeah, you didn't know?"

"How would I? He only ever flirted with girls-"

"First of all, they're aliens; second of all, gender binary is fake. But he does "swing both ways", as he says. And why do you ask?"

"N-no reason at all!"

"Sure thing."

* * *

"Okay, guys, I'm back! Dude's name is Otto and he's clearly a dude."

"Have he said so?"

"Well, kinda. I came to him like:"Yo, my pal, the name's Lance. A quick question, are you a man?" And he was: "Heck yeah, I am. I'm Otto." And I was like: "Neat, me too!", to which he responded with: "Nice!"

"A good manly talk!"

"I know, right? He seems to be pretty friendly so far. Was a little suspicious to me, but then I said I broke out of Uik's prison, he got all welcoming. Apparently Otto is part of rebellion against Uik? Also he's much prettier up close, let me describe it! Look, he has this greenish-yellow skin with something alike scales, wide red eyes with no irises, no head hair, but bone plates on its place and...claws? Oh my god, he has claws - it's so cool! Clear eight out of ten!"

"It's still less than Keith."

" _Hunk!_ " Lance practically screeched.

"Oh, my bad."

"Wait, were you _scaling_ Keith?"

"I gave a scale to all of you!" he tried to recover. "Hunk is a strong eight, Keith's nine, I refuse to scale Pidge because they're aroace and it's disrespectful-"

"Thank god."

"-also they're like my sibling? It would be inappropriate. Coran is seven, though I'd give all ten for personality, Shiro is definitely ten and Allura is, sorry Shiro, clear eleven."

"I'm flattered."

"I speak nothing but a truth! Also, Nyma and Rolo are both six, Plaxum is seven because she's nice as hell. Wait a tic- Yeah, sweetheart? Oh, sure! Blue is asking what scale does the have. She's twelve!" soft pleased purr was clear even through intercom. "Well, of course I love you the most, you're my girlie! Anyways, back to hot alien dude there: Otto says their rebel base is somewhere near, so I'm got to walk with him there to meet the others, I'll talk to you in a while! Oh, almost forgot: Lancelot out!"

* * *

"Guys, Otto is totally checking me out! I caught him staring at me and he winked. I think I'm in love."

"Can you not flirt with everyone just for one damn minute?" Keith burst out. "Do you want a history with Nyma repeat? Haven't had your lion stolen for a while?!"

"Hey! I'll let you know what I've got more careful from that time! Also Blue isn't with me right now, and compared to the guys I had to fight on my way out Otto is just a sweetheart!" they could hear Lance's smirk. "What's your problem with me being friendly anyway? Are you jealous I was able to outrun you and find someone who's into me so fast?"

"I don't- I'm not! Whatever." Keith took his helmet off, throwing it away, and stormed out of the room.

"Lance," Shiro said, accusing.

" _What?_ I wasn't the one who started it this time! And what can I do if aliens like me?"

"It would be wise not to encourage them though."

"But no one is getting hurt just from some of my flirting and eyeing!"

"You can't be sure about it." Shiro glanced to Keith's helmet, left behind lying on the floor.

"What even- _what does it's supposed mean?_!"

* * *

"Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Mo. Guys, I'm so bored! Then rebels asked me to help them in revolutionary stuff for them to help me get to Blue I didn't think I'd be stupid sitting in one place and doing nothing. When do we start?!"

"What was the plan again?"

"I distract big angry ones with my super aimed shots, trying to give as much damage as possible and then try to lead them away, so rebels could sneak in and turn off all defense systems, then they come to help me, we get into a base, I blast Uik and his team of losers with Blue's cannon and we part our ways."

"So you're playing a role of a bet?"

"Well, seems like it."

"I don't like it. It sounds too dangerous, you can easily get hurt."

"And why you've decided you can trust them anyway? Only because Otto is hot doesn't mean-"

"You get chained to a tree _once_ and everyone starts to think you have your head in your pants! I know what I'm doing, okay? Oh, it's a signal, my time to shine! Lancelot out!"

* * *

" -bzzzzz- ..Guys? -bzzzdszzzzz- ...can you hear me?"

"Lance?"

"Oh thank the god, it's still working. I got a pretty bad shot in my helmet: I'm fine, but front panel is shattered practically to pieces. Was worried it somehow damaged the comm. Also, guys...My situation is pretty bad. I think I overestimated myself. Or underestimated them? There are too many of them and can only shot so much and my hands are getting numb and- what the hell, where is Otto and others? They should be here already!"

"Lance? Lance, you're rambling! Hold on, buddy! I'm sure they're on their way!"

"I'm not sure, Hunk, maybe Keith was right after all...I- uh, can't talk right now, call you later."

* * *

"I t-think this is it."

"Lance? How are you holding up? Wait, are you crying?!"

"Sorry, I'm just s-so sorry...I thought I'd be enough, just for one time... Be a hero of my own story. But I've failed. I can't hold them up for much longer."

"Wait, no, no-no-no, don't say that! You can do it, I know it, Lance, please!"

"Hunk, are _you_ crying?"

"I'm not crying, you're the one who's crying! Don't you die on me! In some freaking alternate realm! No, Lance!"

"I'm...sorry, bud. But I'm just so tired...Can't feel my arms. Hey, Hunk?"

"...yes?"

"You're the best man I've ever knew and was proud to call you my friend."

"Stop talking like it's a farewell!"

"But it is one. Pidge!"

" _Fucking lying asshole_! You _promised_ we'll find Matt together! You said you'd be my brother till then!"

"I...know. I'm...sorry...Your family would be so proud of you. You'll find them, I just know."

"You're my family too, you jerk!"

"Such a brother I am...Hey, princess?"

"Lance?"

"Forgive me for...being such a pain in the ass most of the time. I honestly...admire you. Can't imagine what you had to go through and I'm proud to be...your ally...and friend."

"So do I, my paladin."

"Coran, you here?"

"Yes, my boy."

"Thank you...for everything. You made me feel like Castle was a...a-" his words were interfered with coughing. He could feel metallic taste of blood on his tongue. "- _home_. Take care of them for me, will you?"

"Of course."

"Shiro?"

"Lance, just hold up, just a little bit longer, I'm sure we'll find a solution, there _has_ to be one!"

"I'm afraid...not this time. Shiro, you've always been my hero...even before Kerberos... I always," scream of pain cut through the connection then, suddenly, then there were swearing and more gunshots. "I've always wanted to be like you. I hope...in the end...you were proud of me...just a little, just for a heartbeat. I won't ask for more!"

"Of course! I'm proud of you, _I'm so proud!_ Just wait until I'll be able to tell it to you in person. To give you proud big bro hug? Lance. _Lance!_ "

"I'm still here...haven't said all...I wanted. Still one person left."

" _Listen here_ , McClain, if you think you can just give us a dramatic speech and die you're wrong, _so quiznacking_ _wrong_. And I swear I'm going to burst through universe's border and tear you a new one if you won't stop with this self-sacrificing bullshit! _I told you_ not to trust stranger aliens, but did you listen? No, fucking no, you didn't, and now you're dying and-" there was a quiet, desperate sob on the other side of connection. "Don't. Please. _Don't die_ , I beg you, don't do it, don-"

"Shhh, it's alright, buddy. You'll be fine without me. All of you. It sucks Blue will stay here, but I'm sure you'll be able to rescue her. Take care of my girl, okay? I trust you with this. And don't give new Blue paladin cold shoulder."

"I... _Lance_!"

"I wish I could see your stupid face right now...A sight worth dying for. I'll miss you, wherever I'll go. Hell or Heaven, or just quintessence energy. You're so... _so you_. It's beautiful. I...no, I can't. Even now, I still...It doesn't matter. Goodbye, _partner_ , see you around."

"Lance! Lance?!"

"...He turned comms off."

* * *

"You won't believe it!"

"...Lance? _Oh my god, everyone, Lance_ -"

"I just heard him, _right_? I've heard Lance?"

"Yep, I'm still here."

" _Thank the god._ Just thank- You asshole! You made us so worried! You made us grieve for you! How did you- what happened?"

"They have come! Rebels with Otto! They came practically at the last tic! I thought I'm done for good this time, but they appeared and just busted through enemy lines and then Otto grabbed me and took to their medic and now I'm all bandaged and in healing gel and - more importantly- Blue is with me! I'm so happy I swear I could kiss you all! Otto? Otto, come the fuck over here! Can you believe we did it? _Can you_?! Oh my god, you guys were _so amazing_ back there! You've saved me! Wait, what? Uh, sure. Hey, guys, Otto says he'd like to speak with me in private before Blue and I will go. So I'll turn comms off for five minutes, 'kay?"

* * *

"He seems to be fine."

"I can't believe- oh my god, I thought he had _died!_ "

"Keith, why are you so quiet? Don't you happy Lance survived this battle?"

* * *

"Did you know eirians kiss by biting partner's lip gently?"

" _Please_ tell me you found it out not by experience."

"Top or bottom?"

"...Well, I think I wouldn't mind any way?"

" _You nasty fuck_! I meant lip: top or bottom?"

"...Oh. Bottom, they don't have top one. Also I must inform you I'm a happy owner of a lip bit now."

" _Leave us out of this_!"

* * *

"Lancelot to Castle, Lancelot to Castle, please, respond!"

"Castle to Lancelot: give us your report!"

"Oh wow, you properly answered for once! Blue and I on our way to wormhole, I can see it already. _We'll be home soon_."


	11. Cover your crystal eyes and let your colours bleed and blend with mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance is back to the Castle of lions and everyone is happy to have him back.  
> In the meantime past stops reminding of itself tentatively and freaking knocks right into Lance's scull, and Coran KNOWS.  
> (Watch me write this memory shit as vague as possible.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me before: This is a plot-building chapter.  
> Me throwing a bunch of klance: fuk u previous!me this is gay and i'll call this in the name of the gay
> 
> Keith, clueless: I don't understand...Who do you have crush on?  
> Lance: high pitched screaming.
> 
> Everyone who has ever worried about Otto: Joke on you, poor guy was but a plot-moving device.

It sure felt like returning home, especially with the welcome he had.

They all were gathered in the hangar, waiting for Blue to land. Every single of the paladins, princess and her adviser, mice and even Slav. The sight of it made Lance's heart ache.

 **Look, my child** , Blue purred softly.  **You're needed here, you're loved.**

 _I don't deserve it_ , he thought.  _I...It's so much! Are they really waiting for me?_  Blue grumbled, annoyed with his thoughts, but didn't say more.

Then they landed.

And he found himself wrapped into not one, not even two, but multiple hugs, everyone making sure it's actually him and he is back.

Pidge practically climbed on him, not caring at all about his complains, murmuring something about stupid self-deprecating Cubans who try to die at every chance possible. Hunk wrapped and held both of them up then, crushing into bear hug and crying happy tears. Shiro was next, getting a place for himself and softly taking Lance in a brotherly embrace.

"I am proud of you," he whispered. "You've done well."

Allura joined him, adding another pair of hands to a hug pile, somehow getting to his forehead and planting a chaste kiss. Mice immediately went running all over Lance, squeaking happily, tickling his neck. Coran waited for it to calm down a little and then came too, patting Lance's head and shaking him a little from excitement. Slav wasn't left behind, just wrapping his long body around the group of people and blabbering about all bad possibilities Lance had managed to avoid.

And Keith... Keith stayed a little away, looking at Lance wide-eyed, silent, and hesitant. Lance locked eyes with him and smiled weakly, motioning to himself in what he hoped was welcoming gesture.

And Keith moved then, rushed in, practically launching himself into a hug pile, to Lance, fighting his way closer to him. Everyone kind of allowed him to; no one wanted to deal with hug desperate and determinated Kogane. Lance felt Keith's hands to wrap around his neck, hair getting all in the boy's face. But frankly, Lance would be willing to eat that mullet if that would mean he'd be hugged like this more often.

"I hate you," Keith said, voice soft despite of words' meaning, his action also contrasting said. It was like he was trying to push yourself into Lance as much as he could, to make the physical contact infinite.

It was practically overwhelming in every nice way possible: Lance found himself inhaling Keith's scent avidly, like it was the most important smell ever. He nuzzled his chin into Keith's hair, sighing happily, and closed his eyes.

"I'll need to almost-die more othen, if what's that I have to do to be hugged like that," he noted.

"Don't you fucking dare," Keith hissed. "I'll kill you if you die."

"Don't you see a paradox in that statement?"

"Whatever."

"Aww, they're so cute!" they heard cooing on the background.

"Guys, don't embarrass them! Let's give boys a little of privacy."

Lance could feel his face heating up and tried to hide it into one particular ridiculously soft mullet.

* * *

 

_Lance was floating in a dense dark substance, not being able to locate where he is._

_It smelled like death there, like blood and steel and electricity cutting through the air._

_Electricity wave back in Uik's lab didn't brainwash him, but it sure unlocked something deep hidden beneath, something what would better stay hidden. Lance could see blurred faces; hear distant voices, cries, laughing, angry shouts. He saw a man stroking his long white hair gently; a woman, softly humming a familiar song; a girl not much older than him, hugging him as rocks were raining outside._

_He saw a black Bayard, covered in pink, sticking from his stomach. There was a pair of yellow eyes in front of him, merciless, a hand with claws getting sword out of the wound._

_"It is but a sad necessity," familiar voice said, a voice what could command him to go to the hopeless battle, and he would._

_And it's too much._

_It overwhelmed him and hurt, hurt so much, he tried to close already shut eyes, he screamed then._

_"Stop," he pledged. "Stop! I don't want to know this, don’t want to remember!"_

_**Lance** , a mechanical voice echoed._

_"Blue?"_

_**She can't reach here. It's your mindscape.** _

_"Black?!What...what's going on?"_

_**You're remembering. Good. You need to remember, you need to acknowledge who you are.** _

_"What are you talking about? I have nothing to remember! It doesn't make any sense!"_

_**And yet you do.** _

_"I don't have to listen to you!"_

_And then the lion said the name, not Lance's, but another, the one what can't possibly belong to him because he's just Lance, he's nothing more than a boy from Cuba, a child of his mother, a brother of his siblings. He isn't...someone else._

_"It's not me," he whispered. "I don't know who you are calling for. He's gone; he is dead and buried deep underground. There is only me left."_

_**You are him.** _

_"No."_

_**You have to remember. You have to come back to who you were before.** _

_"I have no "back" to return to! That's the problem; I don't want to remember because there is nothing left! Everyone is dead, I am dead."_

_**And yet you're not.** _

_"I am, I'm dead and don't exist, leave me alone! All I want is to come back to Earth, to see my family again! I just want to go home!"_

_**You are home.** _

_"No. No, that home is gone. It's destroyed thousands of years ago and I can do nothing about it."_

_He was crying now._

* * *

 

Lance woke up, struggling to breath, sobbing heavily, shaking.

Coran was sitting on his bedside, stroking his hair gently.

"You have awoken," he noticed absentmindedly. Lance just sobbed in response, trying to catch a breath, whipping out tears.

"It is hard," Coran agreed. "Practically unbearable. But you're not alone," he looked boy right in the eyes, understanding, sharing same grief.

"Have you remembered something, am I correct?" Lance just looked away, trying to get a hold on him and stop shaking, refusing to talk.

"You don't have to say anything," Coran reassured. "Take the time you need, just know what I'm here for you."

The boy nodded, trying to turn covered in tears face into a smile, but failed, producing but a sad grimace.

"Do you want me to sing you to sleep?" the man asked, still moving his hand through short brown hair in a calming gesture. "A lullaby?" Lance nodded hastily. "Good. Lay back down and try to calm down."

Soft humming of familiar, dear to heart melody filled the room, nursing old wounds gently. Lance slept, dreamless, till the morning came.

* * *

 

"Ouch!" Allura twitched suddenly, pulling her hand away and shaking it violently. A fresh blood started to cover up a little cut she had got just now.

"Princess, are you alright?" Shiro, her knight in the black lion armor. "Let me look at it ."

"Oh, it is nothing," she tried to hide a hand behind, but black paladin pulled it back gently, hovering over small, but precise cut."

"It doesn't look too serious," he noticed. "And yet we need to treat it right."

"Shiro, please," Allura smiled. "It's but a little cut. You think I'm so weak a single cut like this would harm me?" she joked.

"Never," Shiro locked eyes with a princess, straightforward, gaze full of affection. "But let me be a gentleman for once. You deserve all care and gentleness the world hasn’t gave you."

"Oh my god, first Lance and Keith, now these two," Pidge whispered. "Is it space spring acting or something?"

"Oh, shush, don't you think they look adorable together?" Hunk cooed, looking at a couple from aside. "They both deserve some happiness and comfort."

"Lance?" Keith wasn't looking in the direction of princess and paladin, but at his teammate near. "Is something wrong? You look a little pale." He followed boy's gaze to princess and back. "Does the fact what Shiro and Allura interact like that...upsets you?"

Lance just kept staring at a cut on a princess's hand. Even from distance he could clearly see bright color of blood on her dark skin.

Allura's blood wasn't red as human's was.

It was pink.

_Pink blood on the edge of the sword. Two voices, arguing behind the closed door. Allura enters the room._

"Lance?"

_Beautifully crafted blue bow in his arms, energy rising around in a wild graceful dance._

_"_ Lance...?"

_A lullaby being sang by a woman long gone. Altean man in a red paladin suit, hair white and eyes blue; yellow helmet in Allura's hands._

_"_ Lance!" he was shaken now, Keith looking at him, consusion mixed with worry. "You alright? Why aren't you responding?"

"Keith," Lance says, his voice emotionless and distant. "Altean's blood is pink."

"Yes, I know, and so what? Lance? Where are you going?!"

He stormed out of the room, running, faster, even more, turning one crossroad, another. He knew this place, he knew these people, he  _knew._

He was there before.

He lived there.

He was...

Name from a dream echoed in his head, ringing, reminding of himself.

Lance felt himself starting to shake again.

This was ridiculous, it couldn't be possible.

_Who was he?_

* * *

 

Lance hasn’t left his room for the rest of the day, excusing himself as feeling sick.

He was, in kind, sick. Sick of that bullshit what was going on with him lately, of these cryptic dreams and vague phrases and feeling like he's missing something.

Was he missing something? Maybe it was some kind of weird lion connection playing tricks? Or quintessence? It just didn't make _any_ sense.

All his feelings: intense fear he experienced practically every night, strange nostalgic melancholy, feel of a great loss, practically physical pain in a stomach- none of it made any sense.

He remembered being a child, his brother taking him for a quiet ride late in the evening.

Living in a house full of seven people sure was exciting experience, but sometimes it - especially twins - could be too much, even for Lance.

Lexandr jokingly called them "Cuban Weasley", as their household indeed had some resemblance with particular ginger family from books about the boy who lived.

They usually ended in some random place away from the town and just...chilled, played cards, read books or just stargazed; Lexandr named these moments "To Pause the World" time. It was nice, only Lance and his big brother, for once relaxed and not holding the weight of responsibilities on his shoulders.

It was a great soothing way to spend a night, and Lance's favorite thing was just to gaze at the stars then, lying on the back on a blanket or even just a grass, counting stars, looking for constellations, reaching for the sky.

"You are always trying to fly," Lex would mention. "Like the ground isn't enough, like there is something waiting for you deep in outer space."

"It's as though stars are calling for me," he'd answer. "Singing me to sleep. Space is just an ocean with no water, and fish are stars."

Maybe they both were right back there; maybe something was calling to him, light years away. Or someone.

Hunk knocked at his door once, checking on him, getting an evening meal.

Allura came around as well, but Lance just pretended to be asleep then. She entered the room quietly, stood near his bed for a moment, then, after fixing blanket in heartfelt caring manner, left as peacefully as she came.

He couldn't sleep, didn't want to, scared of dreams returning, Black's voice echoing in his mind yet again, demanding to remember; having the same reoccurring nightmare about the death from the stab wound. So he waited till he Castle was asleep to leave his room and wander around aimlessly.

Legs lead the boy to the observatory deck, one of the most common for him places to kill the sleepless night.

It appeared he wasn't the only one getting all comfortable under the light of myriads of stars. Keith was already there.

Lance paused, thinking about possible retreat: red paladin haven't noticed him yet, being enchanted my a magic what evermoving nebulas and supernovas were.

But something made him step forward, then again; closer to the boy who was alike to a sun, with hallow moon always circling around, reflecting a part of his light at the best. The moon couldn't leave its orbit, forever locked in tandem with the Earth, whenever Sun left or came back. _Moon has to be pretty lonely_ , Lance thought.

"Lancelot to Castle", he said softly, getting closer as if gravitated towards another boy. "Please, respond."

His voice snapped Keith out of whatever thoughts he had. Red paladin turned around hastily, looking at Lance with the same familiar expression he had earlier; like he was doubting if the boy was actually here.

"Hi," Lance continued, lowering himself near Keith. "How are you doing?"

"How _am I_ doing?" Keith asked, voice high and demanding. "How _are you_ doing! I wasn't the one to run out the room and lock himself up! What happened?"

He had such a gentle look, like Lance was something to treasure, as if his well-being and pitiful feelings actually mattered.

"Could be better," Lance responded, physically holding himself away from leaning in, brushing his teammate's check gently. "Could be worse. I'll manage."

"You haven't answered," Keith frowned, knitting his brows together in the concern."What happened?" he was silent for a tic, thoughtful. "Is it Allura? You like her, right?"

" _What_ ," Lance practically screeched. "Wait, no, I don't like her! Not in _like-like_ sense." It appeared to confuse Keith even more.

"But you always flirt with her, and you run away as soon as Shiro got up to treat her cut and I thought-"

"You thought wrong," Lance interrupted. "Allura _isn't the one_ I'm crushing on."

"So," Keith hummed."You are crushing on someone. Is it Hunk?"

"Holy Jesus, no. Man is practically my brother!"

"Pidge?"

"They're fourteen and aroace!"

"...Shiro?" Keith got more and more lost with every try he made. " _Oh_. It is Shiro. You were jealous, but not of the princess." he looked at Lance wide eyed, shook by revelation.

" _No_ , it's not Shiro, _oh my god_ ," Lance sighed desperately. "Seriously, stop it, what use do you have in knowing? Drop it like a hot potato."

"No," Keith refused.

"No?"

"I have to understand. Is it Coran?"

"Dude, _I swear to everything what matters_ ; are you dumb or something? You can't be _that_ clueless."

"I don't get it."

"For the fuck's sake, don't make me say it aloud." Keith kept staring at him right in the eyes, and Lance felt himself blushing under the persistent gaze.

"...Is is Slav," Keith tried last time.

" _Oh my god_ , Kogane, what's wrong with you? I was trailing you around as much as I could, rifling your feathers, pulling the metaphorical pigtails, and you still have _no_ idea?!" Keith looked at him expectantly, waiting. "It's _you_ , you dumbass."

Have you ever broken someone's picture of the Universe; presented the fact so controversial to everything they have known what it just tore their view apart? Lance thought he just did that.

You'd thought Keith's eyes couldn't get any wider, and yet. _"Me?_ " he repeated, as if not believing.

"You," Lance admitted, giving up. "It was always you."

Keith reached forward gently, putting a finger on Lance's lip, brushing the little bit mark there carelessly.

"It's me," he repeated, in awe. "You have a crush _on me_."

"S-stop saying it aloud!" Lance begged.

"I'd murder him," Keith continued, touching bit softly once again, irritation rising in his face "How _dare_ he? He wasn't the one longing, catching every nice word, not being able to look away from board shoulders, smooth skin, blinding smile. _How dare he_  to get it all easy while I was suffering for so long, drowning in these deep ocean eyes?"

"What are you saying," Lance murmured, trying not to get lost into soothing feel of calloused finger touching his lip so gently.

"How dare _you_ , "Kogane continued. "Dismissing and belittling yourself, thinking for a second any of us will be fine without you?" He looked at Lance like he was the universe itself, like he was everything, any single opportunity presented. "Do you have _any idea_ how important you are? How you reach every person you meet, cocooning them into affection layers, making them get used to it, not being able to walk away? Do you have any idea _how much_ you're worth? How much I will do for your single honest smile? _Do you_?"

He was leaning on now, touching Lance's forehead with his, face so open and vulnerable.

Lance never though he'll see something like this. He never thought he'd feel so much at the same moment, too much, practically having his heart tore apart. He sobbed quietly. Keith opened up eyes immediately.

"Hey," he said softly. "What's wrong?"

Lance felt hot tears gathering in his eyes. "It can't be real," he whispered. "It's too good to be! You can't possibly...You shine so bright and I... I'm just no-one, forever in your shadow. You... I..." boy burst out in tears. "I love you so much it hurts!"

If it was a dream, that would be the most appropriate moment to wake up.

But it wasn't a dream.

Keith cupped his face gently, wiping tears away. He had this heartbreaking soft expression on his face, absolute affection printing on as he tried to catch every Lance's word, every move, every breath.

"Me too," he said tenderly. "I love you so freaking much."

Lance absentmindedly thought how gross he had to be now, covered in tears, a mess of emotions.

But it didn't matter, as one pair of lips moved towards another, a simple touch first, but getting more desperate, sucking in, tasting salt of tears with a tongue.

It was like falling down, endlessly, with no ground to hit; like drowning in the sea, desperately trying to catch a breath; like getting a first drink of water in months.

It felt like dying, like burning alive and reborning as a phoenix.

It was everything he ever wanted and more.

Lance was kissing Keith Kogane, hid long time rival and crush, the boy who made his heart race and try to jump out of the ribcage.

Lance McClain was kissing the one he loved and had response of the same kind.


	12. There is no such thing as time, inside this moment no sun rising.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Gay™ continues and some short breaks are being taken. Also Hunk does the impossible yet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I accidentially closed the tab while editing this chapter and had a small heart attack.  
> Also! I love all your comments, thank you so much! <3 I'm always tearing up just a little bit as I'm reading them. I'm so happy my work made you feel all these emotions!

They fell asleep right there on the floor, too tired to move, exhausted from the cliffhanger of emotions, holding each other close, not wanting to be separated even in the sleep.

* * *

Lance woke up to someone trying to move him.

“Shh,” Shiro whispered soothly. “Go back to sleep.”

“Mhnm…Keef?”

“Right here. Keith is not going anywhere,” the man chuckled.”Not after what I suppose has happened.”

“They look so peaceful,” another voice what belonged to princess reached Lance’s ears. “Should we move them to separate rooms?”

Lance felt himself floating, as familiar hands were holding him firmly.

“I'm not sure it's a very good idea,” Shiro whispered, as he tried to get a hold on the both boys at the same time. “They indeed look very peaceful like that, honding into each other for dear life. I worry if we'll try to separate them, boys will simply wake up immediately to fix this injustice of ours.”

* * *

Lance was waking up, gradually and reluctantly,not being ready to open his eyes and meet the new day yet.

Frankly, new day could fuck off.

He haven't slept so well in weeks, if not months. Quiznack, the last time he was actually able to rest as a normal human individual he's supposed to be was back on Earth, on a break then he went home and Leo came crying to him at night. They ended up falling asleep at Lance's bed, tangled together, with Lance hugging his little brother close. Maybe, Lance thought, it had to have something with physical intimacy he constantly craved.

And this is where realization hit him: he wasn't alone in the bed, and the bed wasn't his own to begin with. Lance slowly turned to his side only to get right face to face with the person he shared bed with.

Keith. He was sleeping with _Keith_ , in _Keith's_ bed.

Well, not like _that kind_  of sleeping; it was nothing but tangled legs and shared breaths and Keith's arm resting on Lance's torso.

Right. _Nothing at all._

Lance stared at his bed buddy, trying to solve a mystery of how they both ended in that situation. He obscurely remembered Shiro lifting him up; did black paladin moved both of them here?

Keith looked surprisingly nice.

Not like he usually looked gross of course, but he always had this presence of tension floating in the air, as if he was ready to jump and start fighting at any given moment. He always looked ready, prepared for whatever, at watch. And now...he was lying in a weird position, both legs somehow stuck between Lance's, one arm on Lance, another - somewhere deep under the pillow; hair - absolute mess with strands getting in every directions: his eyes, his mouth, _Lance's mouth_. Lance found an explanation to that feeling, as if he was eating a spider, he experienced - it was Keith's hair, his goddamn, all good forbidden soft mullet.

Also, apparently Keith had freckles. Tiny ones, pale; on the bridge of his nose and his cheeks.

 _Why the fuck_ , Lance thought earnestly. _This is illegal_.

Keith was looking calm, peaceful and at ease, it was indeed a sight worth fighting against evil intergalactic empire for.

Lance felt the moment then his partner woke up - probably from Lance's intensive staring -, saw as he crinkled his nose, shifting, slowly acknowledging surroundings.

It was a matter of tics then he'll open his eyes and it all go the full cycle of uncomfortable. So Lance, in rushing panic, did the one thing he did the best. And started talking.

"Then I was a kid," he began in a hurry, physically sensing how Keith tensed with the first words spoken. "Not a baby kid, but eight and so; I had this habit of rushing into my siblings' bed - they're twins, by the way, Angelica and Estefan -, climbing into it, getting all comfortable as the true blanket hog I am and refusing to leave till the morning. It started then father was diagnosed with late stage cancer. I was just a kid and didn't understand what's going on aside from father being very ill. And I guess all stress, worry and tension in the air got to my child's little mind, so I started to have nightmares; they were awfuly absurd, just as you'd expect kid's nightmares to be: I was chased by rabbits, fell into endless pit, went to school with no pants on and realized it only standing in front of the whole class - not the point.

The point is, I usually woke up in tears. So I went to someone for comfort: mama was awfully stressed and busy with younger ones and worrying about papa, youngers were, well, young, and Lex honestly scared me a little. So twins were the only option left, they were sleeping on the twin-sized - heh, irony - bed. Originally parents were going to get them two leveled bed, but they started to fight over who's going to sleep on the upper one right in the furniture store, and so one big bed was purchased instead. Also their room was the one of the closest to mine, so sneaking under the dark of night wasn't a problem. So I kinda went to Este and Jellie, and while none of twins was particularly happy with me bothering them at night, they kind of went with it and with time it became a habit of mine. Funny," Lance chuckled softly, inspecting Keith's face in front of him; still with closed eyes, but posture more relaxed. "Stefan once tried to kick me out of the bed, so I ended up biting him and stealing his pillow."

"Is this something I should expect to happen with me as well?" Keith asked, voice deep and hoarse after the sleep, keeping eyes closed still.

"Depends," Lance brushed hair from the boy's face, getting a better view. "Are you planning to kick me out of the bed?"

Keith finally opened his eyes, looking at Lance thoughtfully, as if deciding. "I don't know," he said and Lance could clearly hear teasing notes in his voice. "You've been quite tolerable bed buddy, I guess?"

"You guess? Excuse me, mister, I wasn't the one getting your legs and hands all over me and putting this disaster of a hair straight into my mouth!"

"My legs were cold," Keith retorted. "I feel no shame."

"Of course you don't!"

"And I have a feeling you actually like my hair, with all attention you pay it."

" _Damn straight_ I do! Its style is horrendous and I honestly have no idea how you manage to pull it off, but it's soft and smells nice and..."

"And?" Keith repeated, expectant and attentive.

"... and it's _yours,_ " Lance practically whispered, suddenly very aware of the words he's saying and the whole situation they were in and - especially - about all what happened an evening before. He felt blush creeping his cheeks and saw it mirroring on Keith's face as well.

"Why are you doing this to me," Keith asked, sounding small and pleading.

"What "this?""

"This thing...with saying all these words...with face like that," he tried to hide burning face in the pillow, but was successfully stopped. "It makes my pulse fasten and heart hurt; I can't breathe."

"Wha- Dude, I'm sorry, are you having a panic attack- Do you need me to call Shiro?!"

"Wait, what? No-no, it's fine, chill out. It's not bad "can't breathe". It's...kind of nice, actually. Like then you're falling after a jump from somewhere very high, and all you can hear is the air in your ears, and you can't gasp for a breath - but it's also exciting, and you wouldn't exchange it for anything in the world."

Honestly, you could probably fry eggs at Keith's face instead of a pan, so hot it looked.

"There's the true red paladin," Lance teased, lazily cupping Keith's cheek with his hand, and Keith just leaned in touch. "You match your suit now."

"S-shut up!" but Keith's voice lacked venom.

"Make me," Lance smirked, pleased with the view. "And what's down?"

"Down?"

"Where are you falling to? If it's the ground, the hit will be awful."

"It's some kind of a water basin. A river. Or a lake? Who are you; a river or a lake?"

"I'm an ocean."

"Of course you're an ocean," Keith smiled, and frankly, if someone would inform Lance what he has to die right now, he'd be fine with it.

That smile...It was something; warm, openly affectionate, tender. Lance felt like he could wrap himself in this smile and walk like this, and no galra with huge laser guns would be a danger to him no more. This smile made you feel powerful; it shined like a sun, but didn't blind, warmed, but didn't burn. It was everything Lance ever wanted from a smile, to be honest. He could frame it on the wall and look at it then he's feeling down.

Some of these thoughts must have reflected at his face, as Keith frowned. "Lance?" he asked, worried. "Is everything alright?"

"I'm dying," boy complained. "Too many feelings, too little heart."

"Dork," Keith's face relaxed yet again. "You scared me for a moment." And he smiled again.

 _I could get used to this_ , Lance thought, stroking Keith's messy hair gently, as the other squeezed his eyes as a pleased cat. _I could get used to this so easily_.

* * *

Surprisingly, after The Big Reveal time didnt’t stop, life kept going on; no titles appeared, no final scene and “the end” – stars kept shining, space Castle – floating in space, Hunk – engineering, Pidge – programming. Life has’t frozen after they engaged romance, just a few new details got added.

Looks, what were quickly averted before, now stayed, their owners embarrassed yet unashamed. Accidental brush of hands under the table growed into full hand holding, nervous and shaking at first, but tender and steady further. Their bickering grew to be more soft-hearted, heart-eyed, and sometimes Lance had hard time trying to define if it was bickering or flirting. Fighting got more balanced, both of boys working better in pair than ever before, Shiro and others noticing and not forgetting to praise.

After the first, highly Lance-orientated attempt to find their universe Lance was, in a kind, grounded from further universe jumps. He tried to argue at first, but as both Shiro and Allura said, while others nodded in the background, Lance had a tendency to get severely hurt whenever he went – not like it was his fault, Allura was quick to add, he probably just had unlucky star to be born under –, so to prevent future life-threatening incidents, he was supposed to stay in Castle with Allura, Coran and Slav, while other paladins were checking out universe.

The next several days turned in some kind of reality show binge-watching, as he was mostly listening to others running around universes, getting into all kind of troubles. The only thing lacking for this to be space version of “Lost” was pop corn for Lance to eat.

He, of course, hasn’t spent his days doing completely nothing. Some sweet laziness would be fine, but honestly, every time Lance tried to relax, his mind immediately started to guilt trip him over the fact what he was chilling while all other were risking their lives, almost dying and all what entails. Not exactly the best mood to relax.

Also Allura sure didn't let him forget about their pair magic-learning. As princess has failed to get Lance into meditative training, she decided to switch tactic to more aggressive, as well known as fighting training, and chose the worst kind of it. Lance has seen a lot of movies where main hero learns to fight without depending on sight, damn, Matt Murdock also known as Daredevil was blind and badass! However he never has thought this would ever apply to him. Allura did, though.

She wanted him to train with his eyes tied off. Which was, frankly, terribly rude, as Lance was but a lanky teenage boy and not a cool superhero dude.

He sucked at this training, oh, he sucked _so much_.

Apparently the original intent was to teach Lance to lean on his other senses, as the sight was blocked, and eventually "unlock" a sixth, quintessence sense. For now it haven't worked perfectly, mostly Lance was hit and thrown to the ground while being completely disorientated.

He also had to sleep in a mind reading helm Coran programmed especially for recording his dreams. Lance honestly would want to deal as little as possible with these dreams; still, dreams came as they wanted and practically never left. He felt crowded by glimpses of memory, voices, sounds, smells.

Visions were the worst of it all though, as they were the brightest, and no matter how deep Lance shut his eyes, they still imprinted on the other side of eyelids.

But also...also he had to get it. To find what's going on. Despite his original intent, he actually agreed with Black now: he had to remember, no matter how much it'd hurt him to.

* * *

Then, somehow through seventh try to find their universe Pidge informed what, a quote:"It might be ours. It's hard to define, but everything we've seen so far doesn't differ from our version. Might have to check some planets we're in. I know it's a little bit risky, but we have no other ideas and frankly, it's the seventh from ten universes, only three left."

"We might actually have a way to define if it's the right one or not," Hunk spoke. He was mostly staying back in Castle, providing Lance company and support and, as boy suspected, being his unofficial caretaker, as team might have decided Lance will get into life-threatening situation if left for a day alone.

Hunk also confided to him what he would like to avoid jumping in and out universes more than it's needed; the whole deal made him uncomfortable and kind of anxious.

And surely, left with Lance and alteans in a Castle with nothing to do, as others explored universes, he created a thing of his own. Lance was always amazed by how little time and materials his friend needed to create something absolutely mesmerizing and unique practically from nothing, but this time Hunk have overdone himself. It looked like some kind of a box, fully equipped with all kinds of cables and buttons, and apparently was some kind of developed version of quintessence scanner. It was build from a base of Shiro-detecting scanner and reprogrammed to the wider range and cause. It seems like universe itself had a quintessence "scent" of a kind and Castle or their lions might have held a glimpse of that.

That's honestly was as much as Lance could understand, as other words of explanation were full of complicated tech-related terms and he felt headache starting to rise, while trying to wrap his head around this engineering witchcraft.

"Okay," Lance said. "I got only like half at best from what you're saying; but if I got it correct, this little box can scan surroundings and maybe detect it we're there we need to be?"

"Well, yeah," Hunk looked a bit nervous." It's just a model and probability of success scanning is only like 93 percent, but pretty much?"

" _Only 93 percents_ ," Lance mimicked and then snickered. "What would we do without you? C'mon, let’s call Pidge back to test this umba-rumba magic machine."

It appeared 93 percents were pretty good chances - who would have thought! - and so the scanning box didn't burst into flames, hasn't started throwing electricity and collected for analyze quintessence around, but quietly scanned area, was thoughtful for a moment and then let a happy little chirpy beep, indicating what data it was programmed to search and the one it just analyzed are the same.

"Yes!" Pidge saluted, thrilled. "I was right, it's our universe! Get up here with the Castle, you big nerds!"

And so they were back.


	13. But I don’t ever know just what we are, I don’t have a telepathic heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allura is being introduced to world of Dungeons and Dragons, aliens are still in need of Voltron, Keith second guesses everything and Lance is persistent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Freaking writer's block, go the fuck away.  
> Also Keith, my dude, my pal, are these trusting issues I sense?
> 
> I keep creating more random aliens bc of reasons.

Returning to their universe felt surprisingly...casual. Like traveling between the worlds wasn't even such a big deal, like everyone switched universes once in a week.

But in truth it was a huge step; a step back, a step into ongoing fight they were out of for a while. This universe needed Paladins of Voltron, and Paladins of Voltron were ready to serve.

That meant what they had no break to look forward, no rest in a sight. Successful return only set a new course of actions for paladins and two last altean, as even though Zarkon was out of commission, Galra empire still proceed to function and, as Lance called it, "empiring." They still needed to find Pidge's family and save the whole universe.

As they managed to find from getting through hacked by Pidge reports, in Zarkon's absence galra empire was ruled by his son, prince Lotor.

Allura winced in disgust as she heard that name.

"Be careful, paladins," she warned. "Zarkon might have been more dangerous, but Lotor is chaotic and hard to predict. While his father had actual line of action, Lotor just does as he pleases and tries to make as much damage as possible."

"Chaotic evil," nodded Pidge understandably. "As Zarkon is a lawful evil one."

"Oh, are we getting Dungeons and Dragons alignments assigned now?" Lance exclaimed, excited. "So who am I?"

"Chaotic good." Pidge snorted. "As Hunk and Allura. Shiro and Coran are lawful good, Keith is chaotic neutral and I'm true neutral."

"What is Dungeons and Dragons?" princess asked, not without curiosity.

"Oh well," Pidge and Lance exchanged mischievous glanced. "Let us show you."

* * *

"While walking a path through forbidden forest you engage a meeting with a sylvan. Unlike other trees with soul though, this one seems to be quite distressed and proceeds to attack you. Your actions?"

"I roll to seduce the tree."

"Lance, no."

"Lance, yes! And," he threw dice."A-ha! Take that, losers."

"You successfully seduced the tree," Hunk said, clear amusement in his voice. "It wraps you into wood embrace, its branches softly holding you close. Sylvan still looks distressed and tries to find comfort in your company."

"I ask what's troubling it."

"Hey, it's Keith's turn now!"

"While Lance distracting the tree, I roll to attack it."

"Keith, no! What if it's friendly?!"

"It just tried to kill us?! And...oh. This is bad, isn't it?"

"Depends. Your attack attempt fails and you find yourself hitting tree just so lightly. In fact, it could be easy interpreted as a friendly pat." "Yes! Befriend the tree, adopt it!"

"No adopting the tree!"

"Yes adopting the tree!"

Paladins looked at Allura expectantly. "Oh, it’s my turn now?" she took dice in her hand. "I'll ask...sylvan, right? - what's bothering it. And I rolled...Eighteen!"

"Sixteen, damn it." Hunk sighed. "You're befriending my tree. "

"Yes!" answered the gleeful chorus.

"Sylvan tells you what local villagers decided to cut off the forest and destroy its home and itself."

"Who's turn is now?" 

"Pidge-o."

"Yes," they grinned. "Let's rock and roll!"

A sound of signal for help blasted through Castle suddenly.

"This isn't fair! We just got to the most interesting part!"

"C'mon," Shiro stood up first. "We'll finish playing later, duty is calling."

* * *

 "Say, you wanted to adopt a tree just before?" Hunk asked, looking at extremely angry alien in front of them.

It indeed resembled a massive plant; huge, with skin alike to bark, moss growing a layer over it, hands and legs alike to branches, packs of leaves growing at it's sides.

"On another thought, maybe not. I kind of changed my mind." Pidge made a small step back. "Like dramatically changed it; tree can go its own road."

"Doesn't look like it wants to," Keith noticed, activating his Bayard "We'll have to fight it to pass."

He already moved forward, ready to charge, then Lance crossed his way. "Wait-wait, don't rush in!" He stood somehow between the tree-like creature and paladin. "I don't think we actually need to fight it."

"Want to try seducing it?" Keith snapped.

"Wha- no! It's just...doesn’t it look sad to you?"

"It's a tree! And has no face."

"I know, but- Its posture, how it’s lowering branches like shoulders; It looks..."

"Distressed?" Hunk suggested.

"Exactly. Just let me-, Coran, you here?"

"Yes, my boy."

"Could you maybe follow distress signal further? Find a course of it."

"At the moment," there was nothing but waiting silence for some tics. "It appears Lance was right," Coran announced."This..creature is the one who called for us."

"Of course!" Allura exclaimed. "I've never seen them in person, so I wasn't able to recognize it at first, but this creature is Ull'qi, they're not sentient by themselves but a messengers of Cuvwa, an ancient being, who's name is briefly translated to atlean as "Alltree" or "Mother Tree". Ull'qi is a spore, created by the tree to communicate with another races. It appears, Alltree wanted to contact us."

 "Pidge," Allura said. "You're the one connected the closest with the nature."

"Er, no," they responded. "Full stop no. I'm not working as tree's caretaker and interpreter."

Princess turned to blue paladin then. "Lance?" she asked.

"Um, yeah? That's me, sure," he replied nervously, not knowing what to expect.

"I think it's the job for your still developing abilities. You'll need to communicate with Ull'qi then listen to their request."

"Can't you like...do it yourself?"

"Oh, I sure can," princess hummed. "You, however, need to practice. So go on."

"I roll to charm the bark out of the tree, easy", he murmured, hesitantly walking towards the huge plant alien in front of him.

"Remember," Allura cried from behind. "Concentration!"

"Sure thing, yeah, I'm just a guy you need," he shifted nervously, approaching Ull'qi. "Uh, hello? Big plant guy, what's bothering you?"

There was a moment of silence, absolute bliss then even wind calmed down.

It was only Lance and his alien companion.

And then Ull'qi screeched.

"Whoa, okay," it took some worth mentioning effort for him to not just turn back and sprint away. "Okay, you sure seem...Angry. But why? C'mon, work with me here, I can't read your mind."

Lance was already dangerously close to Ull'qi, and still he moved forward yet again, slowly, making sure not to do any sudden moves.

It was like calming a frightened animal, he realized, with the way boy approached and plant stayed vigilant and ready to fight.

 _It's scared,_ realization hit him yet again. _Angry and in pain and very afraid._

"C'mon," he repeated, trying to make his voice sound sooth and reassuring. "What's troubling you? What Alltree wanted to tell us?"

Another step forward; he could hear alarmed shout from behind, sounding suspiciously like Keith's. Lance desperately wanted to turn back and find out what the shout was about, but he knew if he'll retreat, he won't have another chance to...

To what, prove himself? Is this what he was trying to achieve there, impress his teammates? Was Allura correct, accusing him in looking for something to be his thing?

It was it, of course it was. And yet it wasn't the whole reason. He was standing right in front of a tree now; a small figure from blood and flesh against massive unbreakable vessel of essential life.

It felt like approaching lion in a kind, familiarity hitting Lance abruptly.

It was like sitting in Blue for the first time, gentle calmness filling the air, brushing away worry. Soft approach, friendly "hello" from one mind to another.

It was like rushing to Black, energy shield lowering just fast enough to not harm him, like standing in front of huge dark figure, feeling its mind holding you up; inspecting, weighting, judging.

Or like confronting Red; neither paladin, nor lion wanting to bond, while forced to. Like being burned on a slow flame but warmed up at the same time.

It was familiar.

Lance closed his eyes, inhaled and _opened them wide._

_Surroundings changed, air filling with smoke and some distant smell what was clearly associated with illness and death. There were chopping sounds, some shouts and calls. Lance went forward, following sound and smell trail._

_There were forty of them, small figures working under the harbor of tree branches. They were chopping, cutting forest away. Multiple sounds of timber hew filling the air._

_Atmosphere was tense; people, working on their task dedicatedly, looking grim and exhausted._

_But that's not what caught Lance's attention. With every cut, every chop, he could hear a quiet, distant sigh of the Forest, pained and restrained._

_Forest was hurting._

He snapped out of a vision, acknowledging surroundings, stepping away from creature in pain.

Lance turned to teammates, who were looking expectant; Allura sized him with thoughtful look.

"Well?" she asked.

"Someone is destroying the forest."

* * *

"This is extremely unusual," princess said, as they walked further by the path leading deep into the forest. "Unexpected and utterly weird. Ruhcans always were a peaceful race, deeply connected with forest and Cuvwa. They were living in a perfect harmony for as long as they were around. What would possibly make them start harming the sentient being what was feeding and protecting them for eternity?"

"Zarkon?" Shiro suggested. Allura sighed deeply.

"Or Lotor," she agreed. "We have no data about his current actions and intentions for now, but it could be his hand's doing. His father's absence gave him a chance to prove himself and if I know him as good as I think I do and if he hasn't changed much from old times, he'll try anything to achieve that goal."

"You knew him back then?" Black paladin spoke yet again.

"I did," Allura winced. "Can't say it was a pleasure though; even in his best days he stayed quite wicked and flawed person. And I'm not speaking of little flaws, the ones you accept in the end, but deep, corrupt ones. If he was a fruit, he'd be a rotten one."

"Wow, you sure don't like guy, do you?"

"No. Although, I might be a little biased on the topic, as Lotor used to give especially hard time to my brother."

"And what did he do?"

"Treated him as a dirt from the ground, constantly belittling his abilities, questioned his status as a paladin on a constant basis - I believe, this one was caused by the fact what Lotor himself wasn't able to form a bond with any of lions, while my brother, being younger than him, was chosen by Blue in a matter of tic. Lotor really couldn't let it go, and that fact what Zarkon himself took a duty to train Blue paladin haven't helped either."

"So, in simple words, Zarkon's son was bullying your brother?"

"I believe so, yes."

There was a silence floating in the air for a while, as Allura was clearly lost in thoughts, painful expression slowly creeping down on her face.

Shiro made sure to move closer, trying to support princess with his presence, questioning, if he should say something or put a hand on Allura's shoulder or something else. This mental dilemma of his was imprinting on his face so clearly, he could just start voicing his thoughts now.

Hunk, however, having no awkward crushes on princess of Altea, felt much easier around her, and so he tried to console Allura the best he could.

"I'm deeply sorry for your loss," he began, squeezing Allura's left hand in his big one softly. "But at the same time I feel honored what you're willing to share this memory with us. Talking about your brother seems to be deeply painful for you."

"It is," she nodded. "Logically I know what this all happened ten thousand years ago, but for me it happened recently and the wound I wear since my brother's...depart is still fresh."

"What happened to him," Shiro said cautiously, voice getting deep gentle and caring tone. "If I may ask?"

"Zarkon."

"I- could you elaborate?"

"Zarkon killed my brother." Allura said flatly. "This is how it all started; with my brother's murder."

Deep in thoughts and conversation, no one noticed as Lance's eyes widened, as if he was hit by some revelation.

He also couldn't help but notice: during the whole talk Allura hasn't, not even once, said a name her brother was living under.

Maybe past hurt her too much to say it aloud.

* * *

Keith was walking, taking big, harsh steps. He knew he was acting stupid and maybe even selfish, but deep irritation, once raised inside him close to insecurity he tried to ignore, wasn't going away and took a place somewhere in his heart as if it always was there.

It was stupid, stupid, _stupid_ ; Lance hasn’t done anything bad yet anyway!

Maybe this exactly was a problem; what Keith expected it to happen, as if nothing nice could be happening with him for too long.

They haven't exactly...discussed anything, too distracted by each other's warmth and first, gentle and hesitant approach.

It was a new feeling, new experience; of roots growing deep inside, cocooning heart, wrapping it into a soft embrace.

It seemed none of them ever expected something to happen what would lead to confession, to kiss, to lazy morning laying in each other's embrace.

The problem was, Keith didn't know how long it'll go on. Was it a constant, forever and ever thing or just...a timed one? Then it was going to end?

So,obviously, seeing Lance to be a usual flirty goof he was, choosing "seduce" from all options he had in his dnd campaign decision, hit Keith as the burning stick would.

Because things have changed between them but Lance was still, well, _Lance_ , and Keith might have been over thinking it, but it looked like nothing changed.

Was it intentional? Was Lance ashamed of what happened, has he changed his mind already? They haven't exactly...announced their relationship development to others, though they seemed to notice anyway - after all, they weren't blind - but was there a relationship to begin with? Were they officially dating? Were they dating at all?

These thoughts followed Keith around all day, and so, tired of constant anxious worry, he took the first opportunity to have some peace in solitude and quietness of the Forest, excusing himself for a walk.

Shiro nodded, giving affirmation, understanding; it seemed Shiro always knew what was going on with his brother before Keith even managed to turn to him for consolation.

Red paladin hurried further into forest depths, seeking some silence and desolation.

Life, however, had other plans.

"Keith!" he heard familiar voice call from the distance, but only fastened steps. "Hey! Keith, I said!"

And then red paladin was grabbed by a collar from behind, pulled back,unwillingly turning to the source of disturbance.

"Hey, maybe you haven't learned this as a child, but it's a common courtesy to answer then someone is calling to you," Lance said, his mouth forming into a pout. "Even simple "What?" would suffice. What's your deal?"

"What's my deal? I'm not the one who run extra mile only to try to choke his teammate with his own collar!"

Lance was actually taken aback by that, looking a little bit shaken.

"Hey," he said, voice much softer this time. "Did I do something wrong? I feel like you were extra moody around me lately."

"So?" Keith deadpanned. "It's not like I'm usually all smile and flowers around you anyway."

"Yeah, but," Lance hesitated. "After what happened, I thought...Look, it's obvious you're holding a grudge on me, so just tell me where I failed: I won't be able to fix it if I won't know."

"Everything is fine."

"Is it?" Lance stepped closer, getting into Keith's personal space, studying him intensively. "Look me in the eyes and say it again."

Keith rolled his eyes. "Everything. Is. Fine." he said between his teeth, mildly annoyed.

"Lie!" Lance exclaimed, not leaning back and being disturbingly close for Keith's comfort. "You're mad at me for something, but I don't know, what! Everything was fine till this dnd campaign we introduced Allura to- Oh. This is it, isn't it?" Lance inspected Keith's closeted face yet again. "Is it because I chose to flirt with sylvan? You disliked it? I thought it will be fine since it's obviously just role-play, but if it made you uneasy... And you made a comment about it then we engaged Ull'qi! This is it, am I right?"

Keith was still stubbornly silent, looking away and refusing to show any kind of acknowledgement or response. It hasn't stopped Lance, however, as he started to blabber quickly.

"Oh my god, I'm sorry! I didn't think it would- I've cut off flirting with everything what moves since we're kinda... _a thing_ and I'm not like, a major dick; but I didn't know...I'm-"

"Are we?" Keith asked sharply.

"Are we what?"

"A thing."

"Well, yeah- I kind of assumed, I mean-... We have confessed to each other, haven't we? It's just natural to think what dating is the next step- Was-was I wrong?" Lance was stuttering now, stumbling over words. "You don't want us to be a thing?" he asked then, looking a little bit pathetic, as a kicked puppy.

Keith examined him silently for a moment; nervous posture, wide open eyes with a glimpse of uncertainty and fear, restless hands, tugging into each other.

Lance looked like someone who really needed to hear an answer; like a person who _cared_. Someone who took it seriously, for whom it was a big deal.

It was said Red paladin is the one most impulsive and tends to act on his urges. That wasn't wrong.

Keith felt a sudden need to do something; he wasn't the most eloquent guy ever, but sure knew how to show things with his actions.

So he did the first thing his impulse told him: grabbed Lance by a collar of his hood, getting boy even closer and forced lips on his.

It was an angry kiss, full of rush and roughness; it was messy, his lips persistent and vigor. Lance didn't mind though, gladly surrendering, as he parted lips welcoming, soft and responsive; getting his hands into partner's hair, sighing gently. He made a longing deep sound in his throat as Keith pushed further, eyes shut and face burning.

They parted a minute after, panting heavily, still holding each other close.

"Holy shit," Lance breathed out. "Does this mean you want to date me?" he said, trying and failing to get a hold on gleeful smile forming on his face.

"You and I," Keith responded, softly bumping forehead to his boy's. "Are _the most significant thing._ You're stuck with me now."

"Oh no," Lance smirked. "What shall I do."

And he leaned to kiss Keith again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted this from my phone bc I'm too tired and depressed to sit, and so I'm laying in bed. How nts manage to work without being dead inside?


	14. A revelation in the light of day. You can't choose what stays and what fades away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone remembers their siblings as they walk through devastated lands, a reason of a great betrayal gets revealed and cost of memory appears to be unbearable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WITCHCRAFT, WITCHCRAFT EVERYWHERE  
> Haggar, you ~~bitch~~ witch
> 
> This chapter is deeply inspired by "The Evertree Inn", a game from Choice of Games. Play this shit, folks, you'll love it!  
> Also Dragon Age Origins' quest "Heart of the Beast" played some role in this too.

The further they were walking into the forest depths, the stronger it became.

The smell of guilt, death and despair; the smog full of agony and suffering, burned corpses, illness and filth.

It seemed ruhcans needed help as much as Mother Tree did.

“What have happened here?” Allura wondered, as she tried her best not to inhale awful mix of scents. “I remember their village to be the most charming place; clean, covered in flowers of all species and kind. Ruhcans were known for their ability to make any lifeform feeling welcome; the one from flesh and blood and the one with chlorophyll inside and covered in leafs, the one made of stone, the one with no physical manifestation at all. They were the most gracious hosts and often gave a place to stay to any traveler or refuge in the known universe. They were immune to the most intergalactic diseases and lived longer than their species originally were supposed to because of protection Alltree was granting them. Now it smells- seems like they’re on the edge of extinction, ill and forlorn.”

“Well, I guess Tree took its protection back?”

“Oh, I don’t doubt it. But I do not believe what they would just start harming their closest ally out of nothing. What forced ruchans to such a desperate action? I know,” she cut out, before anyone was able to respond with usual “Zarkon” answer. “What it’s galra’s hands doing, but I don’t need general answers, I require _an explicit and detailed_ one!”

Ull’qi, what was walking in the head of procession, leading the way, stopped then, indicating with a sound, close to creak of an old wooden door, what they’re near. It hesitated, not wanting to move forward.

“I think our guide will part ways with us now,” Shiro noted. “It doesn’t seem like willing to walk further.”

“Understandable, after all it has suffered from these guys.” Pidge looked tree spore up and down, and then raised their left hand, letting integrated visual and voice recording processor to catch a view of a creature before it left.“I wouldn’t want to deal with them either.” They caught Hunk’s curious look and explained. “For data collecting. I know Castle have a massive base, this bark-made guy includes - believe me then I say what I’m the third in the line person in knowing everything about the Castle – but it’s still not fully translates to English and even if it would, I just want to have memory collected on my own. “They looked abashed now. “I want to show it to dad and Matt then we’ll find them.”

“I’m sure they’ll like that,” Shiro smiled, sharing an inside, melancholic look with them. “Matt always liked everything obscure and new, I remember him being the biggest alien believer back into out Garrison days.” He blinked, trying to hide sadness clouding his face. “Well, he wasn’t wrong here for sure.”

“You think he’ll still enjoy all alien junk?” Pidge asked, tentatively. “After being kidnapped by aliens themselves?”

“Katie, _please_. Your brother’s nerdyness can’t be suppressed by a single alien abduction. I bet he’s sitting somewhere out there, absorbed in some kind of absolutely hilarious research for the sake or research.”

“True.” Pidge snickered.

“What is this, brother remembrance day?” Lance tried to change topic before it slide into darker shades. “I have like three of them, wanna hear?”

“Like three?” Keith imitated, teasingly. “How does it even possible, you have two brothers and a half?”

Lance hummed thoughtfully. “Well, kinda?” he responded. “Este is actually genderfluid. He’s fine by going by ‘he’, but still doesn’t fit all male or brother picture perfectly. He’s just pal, just sibling. So it leaves Lexandr and Leo in “brothers” category.”

“Oh god, Leo must be so big already!” Hunk exclaimed, suddenly all enthusiastic.

“I know! He’s in a fourth grade already, these kids grow so fast!”

Well, maybe changing topic from Pidge’s family to Lance’s ones wasn’t the most clever decision ever.

Because yes, Leo _was_ growing up so fast, he soon would enter middle school already, and Lance was out there, in the space, missing everything.

Missing his brother grow; get his first girlfriend or boyfriend, or nonbinary romantic interest. Missing Veronica giving birth to his nephew and Lexandr becoming a father; making their mother a Grand one for the first time. Missing all twins’ adventures; missing Lisa’s fails and victories; missing mom getting a first, second grey hair.

 _Oh god, she probably already got it_ , he thought. _As I went missing._

Lance was out there in the space, saving species one by one, shooting out of his gun and being generally cool guy, but at the same time he wasn’t _there_ , down _on Earth._

Allura had to sense change of his mood, as she tried to divert his attention kindly.

“Well, we all seemed to tell you about our brothers already,” she noticed. “Aside from Hunk and Keith; but Hunk is the only child, and Keith can just point in Shiro’s general direction silently and it’ll give a better explanation than his longest speech. So it will be only fair for you to share your story as well. Tell us, what are your siblings like?”

“Wait, _all_ of them? Because there are five and I can talk about a chaotic nightmare of our household forever and-“

“Yes, all of them. _Please_. We all would want to hear it.”

Lance looked from face to face, uncertain, hesitating. But everyone just nodded, or smiled, or gave some kind of other affirmative response.

And, well, they had to walk further for some time. It wasn’t hard to navigate through forest, as the closer they went, the less undamaged trees they saw around and the stronger smoke of destruction became.

 _This place could use some nice family story_ , he thought.

“Alright. Sit up straight-“

“We’re walking and you’re bisexual, how can you ask us-“

“ _Silence_. Yes, just like this, great. So, there is the oldest of us, Lexandr. He’s usual pain in the ass, “an older lawful boring sibling” type...

* * *

“And so there is Leo, who’s nine and is the biggest mischievous shit you can find. You’d think he’s all smiles and sunflowers, with the way he looks at you with his big blue eyes, battling his eyelashes, and as he innocently says what “he did absolutely nothing, this neighbor’s son started it first”, and then you find out what this asskid was talking shit about Estefan and how freaky he is and got hit with a basketball ball right into wicked face because apparently Leo won’t allow anyone say shit about his family-“

“Lance,” Allura said, gentle and melodious, stopping him out of necessarily. “I enjoy your family stories; we all do, however, your family is big and full of curious things what happened to happen with them, and our road is short and came to an end. I hate to interrupt, but we have to get going.”

“Uh, yeah,” he nodded, a little bit shaken out of his giggly, beaming mood, but understanding still. “Work first, long family shit talking later, gotcha.“

* * *

It was like walking through the ruins of once prosperous town, like looking down to a beautiful glass castle shattered to pieces and mixed with sand, like observing a mummy in its grave.

The most rueful feeling.

Allura stepped forward as they approached the village; the leader, the messenger, diplomat and protector. She looked dedicated, ready to anything, ready to fight or talk, to help and to kill. Shiro moved closer to her, standing in front as well, showing with all his presence: the one who messes with princess will have problems with him. Left behind paladins got gathered closer to each other, staying in safe amount of numbers.

Something in atmosphere of village made them be extremely vigilant, to hold into each other close, to look into shadows for possible treat. Village was practically empty though; only some alien kids playing. Thin, covered in dirt, lacking usual children’ enthusiasm, they haven’t paid attention to intruders. It was like they had no energy to care anymore.

As they walked further they saw more and more sights of destruction and decay, more imprints of cruel fate and lack of Alltree’s protection showing.

“Strangers are not welcomed here,” a voice said suddenly, sharp and warning.

A figure appeared in front of them from a shadow; it seemed like paladins weren’t wrong for not trusting dark corners.

“Your village was the most gracious host for any visitor once,” Allura said. “Things have changed.” Person who appeared to be guard answered. “Everything is different now, and I have to ask you to leave.”

“We’ve been summoned here by request,” Shiro interfered. “Of Alltree.”

Guard actually looked taken aback by that. “Cuvwa?” he asked in worry and disbelief. “We haven’t heard from it since out first…”

“Your _what?_ ” princess demanded. “Betrayal? How dare you cut the forest what fed you, harm the tree what protected you since ancient times?”

“We don’t _want_ to, but we have no other choice!” guard defended. “And who are you to judge us?”

“We’re paladins of Voltron.”

“Voltron?” guard looked at them as if questioning their sanity. “Voltron is long gone, and its leader walks around, conquering and destroying planets as he wants.”

“Zarkon is no longer leader of Voltron,” princess cut off. “He lost this title the moment he betrayed alliance and his duty and turned his sword against innocent. Voltron has a new leader now,” she looked at Shiro, supporting and proud. “The one who actually treats his teammates as people and not weapons or assets. And we’re here to help”

Ruhcan looked at them, studying their expressions, looking for some kind of a trap.

“Very well,” he finally said. “I guess there is only one way to find out if you’re speaking the truth. Follow me.”

* * *

Paladins were lead to a small craved into a mountain cave, strongly contrasting with all other places village had.

Cave looked much cleaner, for starters, and was practically empty, aside from a single figure sitting in the middle of it right on the ground. It was another ruhcan, an old female-looking lady, clothed into something alike to grassy robe.

“Memory keeper,” Allura whispered, as guard left them in the cave face to face to unknown lady. “Village always had a person whose entire purpose was to collect and preserve knowledge and memories from the past generations, from all visitors who willed to share. They weren’t exactly a leader of community, but clearly the most respectable one. She must be the current keeper.”

“Oh, I recognize this voice,” the figure in robe said. “Though I have never imagined hearing it again. Allura, princess of long lost Altea. “

“Misto?” princess responded hopefully, looking into woman’s face features.

“Unfortunately, no.”Keeper shook her head. “But my ancestor left me memories about you and your people. And the fall; oh, what a fall it was! A group of dedicated to protection of universe people, breaking apart after their leader’s violent actions, entire empires tearing up and disappearing. And Altea was the first.” She looked at princess, exploring every minor detail of her appearance. “We did not know any of your kind has survived. Or is it only you?”

“Coran, my father’s adviser, survived too.”

“Oh, dear old Coran! I remember him; such a bright young man! Always with a spark in the eye, always ready to whatever fate will throw at him. Is he all well?”

“He is, keeper. What is your…”

“Name doesn’t apply to me anymore, dear child; I’m no more than a rotten corpse after all.”

“What do you mean?”

“Have you looked around, have you seen what happened with once one of the most glorious nations? Ruins and despair.”

“We’re actually here about that. Voltron got a distress signal, and after landing we have found out what signal was sent to us from…”

“Mother Tree.”

“Exactly.”

“Can’t blame it, if I’m being honest. I would cry for help if I’d be hurting just as much as it is now.”

“Explain me something, keeper.” Hunk demanded, stepping forward unexpectedly. “Princess was telling us all these stories about how great and kind you were, and here we are, seeing you abusing the creature that has supported you through everything. _Why?_ What made you do such horrendous thing? You understand what you’re hurting it, killing slowly, and yet you continue? What motivates you?”

“So young and so strong-hearted!” an old woman smiled softly, yet sorrowful. “Tell me, paladins of Voltron; how important is memory? What would you do to prevent it from fading away?”

“It…It’s very important,” Shiro spoke after moment of hesitation. “Our memories make us who we are, keep track of our affections and actions. Without memories we’d be just…lost.”

“Just as I thought. And what would you do if once, one unlucky fate forbidden day an intruder would came and taint your memory, making it disappear slowly, going into nothingness.”

“I would be frightened and desperate to hold into it as much as I can.”

“Yet another correct response. So this is what you’re seeing here, Voltron.” Keeper lowered her voice to whisper. “Yes, we’re guilty of our actions and our betrayal, and we suffer from consequences of it, as prosperity once achieved under protection of Cuvwa is long gone. But our memory, the vision of who we ever were is still here. It’s in me,” she put a hand on her forehead. “I hold it all inside and won’t let a bit escape or disappear.”

“What happened there?” Allura asked, stepping closer, as words of keeper affected her deeply. “What is going on with your memory and why you have to harm Alltree for that?”

The woman laughed grimly. “I’ll tell you a story,” she started. “About these times not far after Altea’s fall."

* * *

 

_One fateful and cruel day visitors came to our village, still beautiful and prosper back then. A man and a woman, atlean druid and galra warrior._

_“We are here not for a simple exchange of courtesy,” the man spoke. “But to make an agreement. We’re proposing alliance. Your people will get a power and protection greater than Alltree can provide, and you supply us resources.”_

_“What kind of resources?” current keeper asked then, hesitant and wary._

_She have heard of Altea’s fall and couldn’t feel a bit of worry from the presence of a person who caused it. Though, back then a lot of things weren’t as clear as they are now about galra emperor. Some people thought it was an accident, some – what emperor was betrayed first before striking altean race, wiping them out of the face of universe with their planet. Some assumed correctly and saw a violent seeking power tyrant he actually was. Keeper wasn’t sure back then, though. So she hesitated, she asked._

_Although, her hesitation was not long to last._

_“Your people are the only one who can get close into the woods without causing Alltree suspicion,” altean companion of emperor said. “We you need to cut as much wood from this forest as you can produce.” A keeper was bewildered then, furious._

_How dare,” she screamed, in anger. “Even suggest to cut out parts of out great ally and friend? How dare you say such words in the presence of person who makes her life’s duty to guard and hold memory of universe inside? I will remember your words deeply.” She said. “And I will remember my refusal. Be gone and never again step on the land where Ruhcans and Cuvwa live in peace and harmony from the beginning of the times.”_

_“Fine then,” galra gritted through his teeth. “We let you make your decision and tried to turn it out peacefully. You’re a fool for refusing a deal of mine and you’ll understand it soon enough. Haggar, do what have to be done.”_

_And so the mighty druid cast a curse, the one what taint not only a keeper’s mortal vessel, but a whole constellation of memories held inside, pieces slipping out, some fading, some turning upside down, twisting events._

_The great memory of Ruhca nation was damaged._

_“I’ll return in twenty Quintents,” the witch said. “Make sure to collect enough wood to make emperor pleased, as it’s the only way for you to get just a piece of antidote to the curse I’ve done.”_

_And so, since then and until this day, ruhcans were collecting wood of Alltree’s forest, betraying an old alliance and harming a friend, in bare need to protect all memories what are still not lost from full extinction._

* * *

 

“Haggar cursed you,” Allura whispered. “And now the memory of your nation and all nations you hold, of all travelers visiting, all heroes and saviors, it’s all going to disappear. You have paid with a price of your history and your prosperity for a deal you haven’t seek off.”

“It is, indeed, true.” Woman hummed. “And since that time memory, being given to new keeper from previous one, being tainted by witch evil curse, damages the body of new vessel as well.”

“You practically haven’t moved since we came,” Keith mentioned a thing what have bothered him for a while.

“This mortal flesh is no longer able to do such actions,” keeper said. “As I told princess before, all I am now is but a shelter for memory, and a prison sell at the same time. I don’t eat, nor sleep, only take energy from the word around. This, and a lack of Evertree protection, is the cause of such devastation in village of ours. So tell me, paladins of long fallen hero, princess of long gone empire – what will you do?”

* * *

“There has to be some way to help both keeper and the Tree!” cried Pidge.

“Kill Haggar.” Keith suggested.

“We’ll need to find Haggar first; and she’ll probably be deep into galra stan, somewhere behind Lotor’s back.”

“Lance is right; we don’t have enough time for that. We need to act and to do it now.”

“Princess,” Coran raised a voice through intercom. “I think I might have an idea. But it’s extremely dangerous and unsteady; we’ll need affirmation from both keeper and Mother Tree and, well, a vessel to carry memories from one to another.” “Are you suggesting what I think you suggesting?”

“Stop being secretive and vague as fuck, spit it out already!”

“Coran thinks we’ll be able to catch two clovenheifers at once if we'll extract memory of everything out of keeper and bring it to the Evertree.” Allura considered it for a moment. “It will be extremely dangerous as for “vessel” itself, as well as for memory of its own. But it supposed to work; Alltree will be able to break curse down, forcing it to vanish with its quintessence. There is a reason why Zarkon wanted ruchans to do dirty work for him; none of his people would be able to get anywhere close to the forest. Ruchans though, they developed a resistance to Cuvwa’s will, since they existed so close for that long.”

“What will happen with keeper after memory extraction though?” Hunk looked quite concerned. “Keeper said curse damaged not only memory, but “mortal flesh too” and she literally can’t move, so…”

“She’ll die.” Allura said. “But as much as keeper is concerned, she have died long time ago with her graceful homeworld. This is just a desperate try to not lose what’s still left, a lonely battle in already lost war. I have a feeling she won’t oppose our suggestion.”

“And Alltree?”

“I’ll talk with it.”

“Wait, what happened with my quintessence training and all?”

“I’m afraid cause is too important to use it as a polygon for your training,” Allura gave Lance a sympathetic smile. “You’ll have other opportunities to prove yourself.”

“Alright, it’s decided then, but you forgot the hardest part – who is going to be the vessel?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, who is going to be the vessel? :^)  
> P.S. Welp, I have build an entire little world here. Also I just realised what chapter's title and summary could create an illusion what this chapter is about Lance's past reveal. Nope, not yet.


	15. All my dreams are pullin' me deep into places I know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reckless plans are being turned to life, peace between ruhcans and Cuvwa gets restored and Lance sees himself from a quite new perspective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a hell for me to write. I hope you'll enjoy it at least :_:  
> Everyone who said:"It's Lance, isn't it", I love you and you were right ~
> 
> (Someone, proofread me already, i'm begging you ;_; I'm tired and don't remember half of english grammar

_“Who is going to be the vessel?”_

That was it; the moment then Lance realized. The exact tic he decided to channel his inner Kogane and do something extremely reckless and dangerous, practically jeopardizing their mission.

Lance knew he needed to do it. It was his chance, his moment X; his time of revelation.

Keeper has been holding memories of the distant stars and rare species, of empires' rise and fall; memory she was guarding was a key.

And maybe it was extremely selfish of him, but he needed that key to open a dusty door inside his mind.

Who knew what monsters were locked out there, behind that doorframe? He didn’t, and that was a problem; uncertainty was worse than anything, it made him think too much, desperately trying to put old, shattered pieces of puzzle together, to lose sleep and practically himself.

So yes, maybe he wanted to serve as vessel of that memory for his own reasons, but would it actually matter, if in the end his actions would lead to – how Allura said it - catching two clovenheifers in one try?

Would it really be _that_ bad, if Lance, of all possible candidates, become the one to hold this burden? At least he'll get something in return too, and no one would get hurt!

So Lance had to do something, to think about some kind of plan and, most importantly, successfully turn it into life.

The problem was: others wouldn’t agree with this, in no possible way. Not Allura, too dedicated to cause of the mission; not Shiro, who wouldn’t trust Lance with something as important as this, not to mention possible damage blue paladin could cause to himself as well, not even Hunk and Pidge; the ones, who listened to his ideas the most.

But Lance had a clue who might agree on this disaster plan of his.

He knew the man he could count on.

* * *

 

Taking Keith away from the rest of the group wasn’t that hard; especially considering what there was no whole group at the moment.

Allura left to approach the Alltree and have a conversation with it, discussing the salvation of current situation; Shiro left with her, providing both mental and physical support with his presence. Pidge was investigating village around, making more visual scans of surrounding “for science and Matt”, and Hunk was kind enough to treat hungry children and other village inhabitants with a food of his own making. Of course, he had to run to Castle for supplies first; but how much they were even worth in the face of starving population of one unlucky planet? Paladins would be able to retrieve or gather more, and these people could eat something good probably for the first time in their lives.

So Hunk organized kind of free outdoor kitchen; some of native people volunteered to help him, doing minor kitchen duties and filling bowls for everyone willing to try Hunk’s cooking. Villagers were quite hesitant at first, but after one of the bravest kids took his fist bowl and returned for another in practically a minute, people started to form a line. It led to Hunk and his assistants needing more hands than they had, so some other villagers – kids included – became minor cooks as well.

Lance though what this was real Voltron doing. Not running around, shooting everything, not trying to undo old awful curse, though this was a good cause as well; but just providing help everywhere they went. Hunk was the best at this, he was a natural caretaker, with a heart what could embrace the whole universe, and still some place would be left inside. He found kind words and actions for everyone, no matter how much effort and hard work it required, because leaving things as disastrous as they were was impossible; for him, at least. If someone in the world would hold a contest for “the kindest person in the universe”, Hunk wouldn’t even participate, and yet would won without a sight of hesitation from jury’s side.

But no matter how much Lance wanted to join this generous “help your stranger” flashmob, he had another, more selfish thing to plan. And he needed help.

* * *

Finding Keith wasn’t very difficult either, as he hasn’t gone far from the village, mostly just looking around hesitantly and avoiding people.

So Lance just grabbed his boyfriend by the elbow and lead away into shadows. What, on the second thought, wasn’t the cleverest action he ever did, as these shadows stayed extremely suspicious and unfriendly, but what’s done was done.

“Keith,” he exclaimed, as enthusiastic as anxiety fighting over his body let him. “Just the man I was looking for.”

“What do you need?” red paladin answered, sizing Lance with all suspicion he could master. Boyfriends or not, but Keith always stayed just the same moody loner.

“What, I can’t just want to spend my time with you?” boy gasped. “You wound me!”

“Lance, I might be in love with you, but I also know you and I’m not an idiot. You’re acting extremely suspicious right now, so just spill it out.”

“Alright,” Lance made a huge gulp of air, mentally preparing himself. “I need your help.” Keith remained silent, waiting for continuation. “In something very ambiguous, dangerous, even. Something, others wouldn’t approve of; especially Shiro and princess. Actually, I think they’ll just kill me straight away, when they'll find out.”

“Okay,” Keith hummed. “It sounds absolutely awful and unpromising. And why do you need to do this…something of yours? Don’t tell me “just because”, there has to be some kind of reason, your actions always have pretty stable ground behind them.”

“Whoa, thanks.” Lance hesitated. “It’s this memory thing; we haven’t decided who’s going to be the vessel, right?”

“I’ve heard Allura and Shiro discussing possibility of Ull’qi being the one, though princess mentioned the damage what had been done to memory from Haggar’s curse could be too much for it to handle. Why?” and now Keith got really suspicious.

“You see, my buddy, my pal, _my boyfriend_ …H-ha, now to say it…I need to be the one to carry memory to Alltree.” He finally blurted out.

For a moment there was nothing but silence and distant voices from Hunk’s street kitchen; Keith looked at Lance, as if trying to resolve something. Then he opened his mouth.

“Are you insane?” he asked, getting straight to the point. “Do you have a death wish? I _just mentioned_ what damage from carrying memory could be bad enough to completely destroy Ull’qi, and now you’re saying _you_ want to carry it? You want to die?!”

“Shhhh, not that loud,” Lance tried to cover Keith’s mouth with his hand. “I know how it looks like, trust me! But it’s really important!”

“How important it should be to be worth your life?!”

“ _Extremely!_ Listen; remember this thing, where you accompanied Shiro to the Blades of Marmora and suddenly found out you’re part alien?”

“Part- _galra_.”

“Doesn’t matter-“

“It does, galra are the ones we’re fighting with and me being the one is-“

“Shush. Kolivan and others were fighting against Zarkon longer than we ever did, and Ulaz even saved Shiro’s life: they’re not villains, and neither do you. Your mom was probably a part of Blades as well, hell; I bet she was, you’ve got this cool blade from her, after all! But the point is, it’s not about your legacy. I mean, your legacy is cool and all, and honestly, I should have known, because _you’re out of space, baby_ , but thing is; then you found out about your heritage, you weren’t ecstatic, sure, but this knowledge was still important to you. Am I wrong?”

“…No.”

“Good, so, see…I have something about myself I don’t know either. I mean, I’m 100% human from Earth, I’ve seen and were raised by both of my parents and we’re extremely alike, so no suspicion, but-“

“But?”

“H-have you noticed something weird about me lately? Like, how I act or say something out of line-“

“You always say stuff like this.”

“Geez, _thank you very much_! Something more out of line than usual!”

“I’ve noticed you’ve been having hard time sleeping.” Keith hummed. “You look more sleep deprived than usual, and have these dark circles under eyes even all cosmetics and face cleaning supplies you have can’t hide. Also my room is next to yours, and I’m light sleeper; so I woke up to your muffled screams several times. I was going to approach this topic myself. Even then we slept in one bed, you still kept shifting and murmuring, and you had pained expression on your face; like you wanted to escape, but wasn’t able to. Also don’t think I’ve forgot about this time, then Allura cut her finger and you run away, bewildered."

“Oka-ay, you sure pay a lot of attention to me...I’m flattered. Honestly. So yeah, all of these…These are just symptoms of something bigger, like something quite dramatic what may or may not have some weird connection to me. I was trying to get a hold on it, even asked Coran’s help, but it’s still all very unclear. And I thought, maybe this keeper lady would know? She is supposed to know practically everything! Maybe somewhere deep in her memory there is an answer to my question. Questions. Uh-You’ve got it.”

“I…think I did. But does it really worth the risk? Lance,” Keith got a hold of Lance’s shoulders. “Think about it, please. It is extremely dangerous; and I have a feeling what even if I refuse to help you in this insanity, you’ll still find a way to do it, so just- Reconsider it, please.”

“But I…I can’t! I need to know, and _Keith_ ; these dreams, these nightmares and feeling of recognizing and déjà vu that follows me everywhere…It’s driving me mad! I was trying to ignore all of this, I really did, but it’s just doesn’t seem to work. At all. And I don’t know what to do, I fear it’ll get worse, so I just need to find out; what the hell is this all about?!” he was breaking out at this point, shaking, as Keith tried to calm him down any way possible. “I need to find an answer, _please_ , Keith. What’s worse; hurting a little, but all the time, or being hurt a whole big deal, but just once? What is worse?!”

“If I could, I would make it so you’d never have to be hurt again,” Keith said, practically tearing up himself. “I would do anything to keep you safe. Anything.”

“Then _help me_.”

“…Fine,” Keith gritted his teeth, helpless. “I will. I will do it, but gods help you, McClain, if you decide to die, because I’ll make sure to reach to you even out there and then you’ll have some real problems.”

“Aw," Lance chuckled through tears. "You're threatening me out of love!" he leaned closer. "It’s hot.”

* * *

It was absolutely, absurdly and inevitably disastrous monstrosity of a plan. No wonder it worked.

Keith’s part was distraction of fellow teammates, suspicious villagers and princess; Lance’s – to go to keeper and actually take memories to bring them to Alltree. Something made him think what the Tree won’t actually care who exactly is Memory’s vessel.

But to start the whole deal boys needed to know the place Shiro and Allure were at; have they reached Mother Tree and discussed exchange with it or not. Because, _hello_ , starting the whole deal before Cuvwa agreed to anything would be even more unwise than the whole deal Lance dragged Keith into.

He felt bad about making a person, who cared about him deeply to do something as risky and dangerous as this machinations of his; but on the other side, Lance really needed to do it and Keith was the only one he could trust. So, trying to push guilt as far away as possible, Lance waited for operation “Memorable” to start.

And honestly, bless Shiro, who due to his responsible nature made sure to inform all paladins of mission development; he contacted them by intercom, noting, what negotiations with Alltree ended up successfully, and they were on the way back.

“I’d like to thank God and Takashi Shirogane for this great opportunity!” Lance proclaimed, as soon as communicators were turned off.

“It's not the best time to joke around,” Keith mentioned, concentrated on polishing his galra weapon. He looked especially thoughtful and even resentful a little.

It must have been hard to participate in something he couldn’t fully agree with; lying to people you know and trust, especially the one who appears to be your brother and one of the closest people you ever had in your life. Lance felt yet another wave of guilt rising.

“Hey,” he said, hestitantly. “Maybe, let’s cancel all this?”

“You mean operation?” Keith looked at him, surprised. “It seems to be pretty important to you, extremely even.”

“Yeah, but like…I feel bad making you playing a role in this, so maybe let’s forget we ever had this talk with me asking for help? And the one after, when we planned the whole deal? I can do it alone. Of course, it would be so much harder, with no one backing me up, but I’ll manage. I don’t want to make you-“

“If you think,” Kogane said, getting from being practically emotionless to full anger. “You can tell me about this abomination of your decision, clearly state what you’re doing it no matter what and what I can’t change your mind or stop you, and then say: “Oh no, Keith, it’s okay, I’ll do it myself; you’re free to sit here and worry”, then you’re very, very wrong! You got it?!”

“Um. Yes?”

“Good.” Keith sighed, and then pierced his look into Lance’s face yet again. “Do you really think I’d like to sit and wait, doing nothing, while you’re risking your life, or your mind, _or both_ for some faint ghost of something?”

“I…don’t know?”

“Well, I do. And no, I don’t! I don’t want you to do this all either, but…I can’t order or force you. Really wish I could, but it’s just…I can’t.” His face clouded a painful expression. “This ordeal seems important to you, and while I’m…scared to lose someone I care deeply for, and I absolutely hate a single idea of you getting hurt…I realize what it’s your decision to make and I trust you.” He looked Lance deep in the eyes, earnest, affectionate. Lance hardly restrained himself from starting to make out with this beautiful boy just there and then; so great he was at that moment, full of passion.

“I…appreciate it.” He managed to say.

“And I appreciate you trusting me enough to tell about this,” Keith leaned closer, bumping his forehead into Lance’s shoulder. “And I’d rather be a part of it, making sure we have no obstacles, than to do nothing, while waiting kills me slowly.”

“ _We_ , huh. I like the way it sounds.”

“Yes, we. We’re in this bullshit together now, whenever you want it or not.”

And so operation was a go.

* * *

Lance entered a cave irresolutely, approaching figure at the center of it.

“So, you have finally come,” keeper said, freaking the hell out of boy and making him jolt at least a full foot up. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

“You…were?” he tried to recover.

“Oh, yes. You’re the one who decided to carry the Memory yourself; bypassing your own teammates.”

“...How do you know?”

“When you’re as old as I am; and carry as much knowledge inside, you became quite proficient in reading people.” She chuckled. “And you’re just as the open book, my dear. But tell me, what are your intentions? Clearly something made you to make that decision; what was that?”

“There is something in my mind, some memories, as if locked away…Recently they started to appear and their unclearness disturbs and worries me. I want to to find what those memories are about.”

“I see. So you’re seeking for the clear picture of who you are; not a bad intention, not bad at all. Treasuring your memory and holding into it is something I can understand. I’ll say you that: I’ll let you carry my memory to Mother Tree. But in two conditions.”

“Alright, spill it out.”

“Have you wondered why we hadn’t kept memory with our great Cuvwa to begin with? Surely it’s strong enough to protect it, as well as hold in safety for eternity, if needed.”

“I haven’t thought about it, to be honest. Why?”

“Because while Alltree is capable of holding and protecting memory, while it’s even able to share it with the ones who’re worthy, it isn’t capable of gathering it the way we do. What is worth of holding memories if you can’t fill it with new knowledge?”

“Then why are you agreeing to this now?”

“It’s the best you and the universe can offer. Besides, do I look like I have been collecting a lot of memories lately?”

“Not…exactly?”

“Correct. As time changed: and travelers stopped visiting us; besides, holding into all I have deeply takes all energy I have. I haven’t got a gift of someone’s memory in a very long time…Lifetime even. That’s why I want to ask you for something; for the first time in centuries and for the last time as well, share your knowledge with me. All you know, all you ever experience will be saved then, preserved with all memory inside Alltree. And it won’t take anything from you. Perhaps, it would even help to pursue your goal; as I have feeling the answers you’re looking for are right inside you.”

“But I'm not able to reach them!”

“Don’t worry, I would be.”

“…Fine," he sighed. "And another condition?”

“You are aware we’re guilty of many evils we made. I want to apologize to Cuvwa in person; to leave with easy heart, as my life will end after I give you all I hold.”

“But…You can’t walk.”

“That _is_ my second request; I need you to carry me to The Tree."

* * *

 “You’re not very strong, are you?”

“Well…huff…if my abilities...don't satisfy you....huff...then why won’t you…just walk…huff….yourself?”

“You’re well aware I can’t.”

“Then stop…huff…complaining!”

* * *

“Here we are”, keeper sighed, as Lance put her to the ground near the roots of the Tree of astounding size and beauty. “This is our friend we once failed, Cuvwa. Go on and greet it; don’t be impolite.”

“Hello?” Lance tried. He could practically feel Alltree bouncing with energy, clearly alive and sentient. He also was painfully aware what if Tree didn’t want them to be here, they wouldn’t be able to come. “Nice to meet you? You’re very big and… pretty? For a tree! Not like I understand trees very much, but you seem to be a special one! I’m honored and flattered of your presence and promise what we mean no harm.”

“Not too bad,” keeper hummed. “But stop talking and let’s get over with it."

“You sure seem to be eager to die,” Lance murmured. “Wait, but if you’re here, in front of the Tree, then why won’t you just give it your Memory yourself?”

“That’s not that easy; there is a huge chance direct contact with curse will damage Mother Tree as well. Witch wasn’t able to come close to it to harm, but her curse is still as strong as ever. We need to weaken magic with the third person; your role of intermediary is indispensable.”

“Oh. Alright then. So what do I need to do?”

“First I need your memories.”

“Well, that doesn’t sound ominous _at all._ ”

“Stop talking and come closer.”

* * *

Lance sat near keeper, nervous.

"Don't be so frightened," keeper chided gently. "Relax and try to enjoy the experience; not everyone can say their memory was saved for eternity."

"O-okay," Lance shifted uncomfortably. "I'll try. Can I close my eyes?"

"If you want to, it won't hurt the ritual. Now, are you ready?"

"As much as I could even be in the situation like this."

"Good."

Lance felt hands with calloused, worn by time skin touch his cheek lightly, then with a sound of person shifting another forehead connected to his. 

Memory retrieval practically wasn’t sensible at all; just a small tickle inside his head, just some of his memories jumping in front of eyes unexpectedly. It was easy and almost comfortable.

Like he was telling a tale without words; the whole story from beginning of his life untill current moments, worded better than he would ever could aloud. And then, in a tic, feeling was done.

“This part is done then,” keeper said, leaning away and taking her hands from Lance’s face. “Now if you give me a moment; a want to say my farewell to Cuvwa. And apologies.”

“Of course." Lance stood up, noting to himself what his legs were shaking. He was still clearly nervous, maybe because the hard part was still ahead. "Do you need me to leave you alone for some time?”

“We both would appreciate it.”

* * *

Lance was summoned back in ten minutes or so, even more nervous and stiff.

To the contrast with him, keeper looked like she has rested for the first time in a very long time; like a great burden left her shoulders. And maybe that was it.

"Come, child," she called for Lance. "It's time. Lower yourself in front of me one more time."

He followed orders, getting as comfortable as possible. Boy looked at the woman who was going to stop existing in the matter of tics.

"Don't be upset," she said, as if sensing his thoughts. "The end what's prepared for me is better than I could wish for. Now, open up your mind. Let memory I was guarding for so long enter."

He obliged once again, closing eyes, unable to look at old lady's concentrated face so close of him.

"Here," keeper whispered, and Lance found some encouragement hidden in her words just for him. "Take it."

* * *

And oh, there was so much to take: memories, blurred with time; the ones, pulsing painfully, corrupted by a curse already, no more than dead weight anymore.

The shining and partially new ones;memories, filled with emotional spectre of it's owners, bright with joy, warm from love, sweet taste of curiosity. Icy ebrace of despair; grief, clouding mind; deep and sharp sorrow; flames of anger rising. There were so many colors, so many different thoughts and feelings; at one moment he lost a line between himself and others.

They were the same now; the storm of places, waterfall of thoughts. Thousand of words whispered into his ears, thousand of events flew in front of his eyes. It was like watergates were opened wide for the first time in eternity, and Lance was the water itself.

* * *

And somewhere out of this kaleidoscope Lance saw a glimpse of familiar faces. And his own, shown from distance, as if he was looking at himself aside.

_Lance back at the Garrison, piercing Keith's nape as it owns him some answers, pleading mentally: "turn back, turn back, turn back." He never did; not as McClain remembered._

_Lance again, just before enrolling to Academy,sun setting down into the water near Varadero beach; he is deep into the ocean, swimming with joy and not wanting to go home yet. "Lance!" Lexandr screams to him, mix annoyance and worry in his voice. "Come on, we need to go home!"_  

 _He as a four years old, trying to help his mother cook, but accidentally dropping dough all over himself and floor, starting to cry right away. His mom hurrying, looking for possible damage. "Shh, dear, don't cry," she whispers. "You haven't got yourself hurt, have you?_ "

And another, far more deep memento, as if hidden under the thin ice of the frozen river.

It was still him, and yet it wasn't.

_Long, curled into white locks hair; pointy ears with earrings alike to Allura's, faint blue marks, glowing on tan cheeks._

The boy reached for this image, extending himself beyond, to the picture he saw. Closer, impossibly close.

Picture changed so slowly, piece by piece; small details getting out of the way, puzzle finally getting together.

_He recognised himself now; a prince of prosperous empire, a son of the king._

_Lance saw himself, standing in front of Blue for the first time, eyes wide open in awe._

_It have been more than five spicolian movements since original Blue paladin has fallen in battle, leaving a lion behind. Five weeks of grieving and attempts to find a substitute. Lotor was treasuring the thought what he'll become the new paladin of Voltron, to join his father in glorious duty of being guardian of universe._

_And yet, Blue refused him; clearly, almost rude._

_**No** , she has sent mentally. **Not him. Bring me my cub.**  _

_No one expected him to be the next paladin; and yet the moment boy appeared in the sight of lion, Blue purred deeply, radiating clear, bright energy, calling for the boy._

_**Come! Let a bond what was destined to be be born. You're mine and I am yours.** _

_And he obeyed, stumbling over his own feet, in hurry, beaming with similar, just less intense energy._

_The moment his hand had touched Blue for the first time, prince's world turned upside down, getting so much brighter, filling with all details he had never noticed before. It was a moment of pure, joyful harmony, equilibrium of two souls._

_Blue purred louder, and Ancel laughed happily in return._

_"You're mine," he repeated, ecstatic. "And I am yours."_

_"Oh my, seems like you have a dynasty of paladins," Lord Zarkon said, teasing grinon his face."Congratulations."_

_"What can I say," king Alfor father chuckled proudly. "You can't hide a talent like this."_

_Allura smiled approvingly from her place besides their father, yellow armor shining under the bright sun._

* * *

Memory has shifted, replaced my another.

_Familiar woman sang a lullaby; the one, Lance recorded for Allura; the one, Coran hummed him to sleep once. Mother, he recognised finally._

Another blurry move of a picture: _and  he was opening a door hastily now, blue eyes beaming with excitement._

_"Allura, Allura!" he exclaimed, not bothering to lower voice._

_A blanked pile on the bed moved unwillingly, untill a head of very sleepy princess appeared._

_"What?"she asked, yawning, grumpy._

_"Guess what!"_

_"Ancel, I swear to all what Voltron stands for, it's five vargas untill the first sun rises, could you maybe let your very tired sister sleep?"_

_"But this is important!" he insisted, pouting._

_"You won't leave me alone untill I listen, will you?" she sounded hopeless as asked this. "Alright then, what?"_

_"Do you remember Valuri diplomat's child?"_

_"Yes," she sighed, voice monotone. "And?"_

_"They kissed me! In the cheek, but I swear, it was a real kiss!"_

_That appeared to finally wake his sister up. Princess sat straight, brushing sleep and blankets away._

_"Tell me every detail," she demanded._

* * *

Lance opened his eyes.

It took him some time to acknowledge who is he and where appeared to be.

 _I am Lance_ , he recalled. _Paladin of Voltron. I am a cuban from planet called Earth and miss it dearly._

 _I was a prince of Altea once_ , another revelation came. _Allura was - is - my sister._

 _Oh my god,_ side and unwelcome thought added. _I have flirted with my own sister!_

That was sure a lot to process.

* * *

 

His mind was filled with distant echo of lifes once collected, people once lived, feelings once felt.

Lance was floating in the filled with knowledge ocean, almost drowning, water taking him down.

 _I need to do something_ , he tried to recall. _I need...to give this memory...to someone._

Mother Tree stood in front of him, waiting.

Lance glanced back, recognizing a lifeless body what once was keeper.

S _he is gone_ , he thought absentmindedly.

Something dark and cruel have risen in his mind, hurting, devouring memories, poisoning them.

 _I need to hurry up_ , it was hard to form thoughts, and yet Lance pushed forward, turning back to the Tree, reaching to it. _This...belongs to you,_ he managed to send it with all memories he was holding, before darkness took him in its cold embrace.

* * *

He woke up to his head aching as if someone was chopping wood right on it, and people shouting. They clearly had no respect for sleeping beauty he was.

“What were you thinking?”

“Oh, you think he _was_? Because it’s clear to me he was acting out of his stupid impulses, just as always, causing others to get hurt!”

“Katie, please-“

“Don’t you fucking _“Katie”_ me, Shirogane! It’s so nice to be you, isn’t it? Your brother is with you and completely unharmed; while I not only got mine lost in the space, but now having the closest to the brother person on this goddamn ship practically dying on me because of someone’s poor actions!” there was a sob then, angry and hurt. “Hunk, say something.”

“…”

“ _Hunk!_ ”

“…He could have died,” came out quiet. “Hell, he might be dying right now and we’re arguing here instead of doing something. He may even be not  the Lance we know anymore; this memory could have damaged his brain, or just burnt it to ashes! He could become a mindless vegetable at this point!” there was a panic rising in his voice.

“Keith,” Shiro’s voice came through, confused, but trying to reach. “Please, just tell me why you did this. I know you and I know you had to have reason, but none of us will be able to calm down if you won’t -“

“This was an action,” a stern voice rushed in with a sound of door opening, interrupting. “Of a selfish, imprudent-“

“Allura!” Shiro tried to resolve situation yet again.

“I don’t care witch one of you decided to turn this mistake of a plan into life, “Allura continued, not paying attention to Shiro’s try. “Both of you will get a well owned retribution – if Lance will even wake up after the ritual me messed with. To be completely honest, I’m not even surprised you played a part of it, Keith. But I would really want to know, what you were thinking, sabotaging-“

Lance decided it was just time to interfere.

“Whoa,” he said both to his clumsy fall from the bed and the words what were still shaking the air.

“Calm your jets down, everyone! And please stop attacking Keith, it’s not his fault. He did it because I asked him, and he’s just sympathetic like that. I practically manipulated him into-“

“No, you didn’t,” it was the first time Keith gave a voice in the whole conversation going. He somehow appeared at Lance’s side before Lance was even able to process it. “You asked me, explained your reasoning and I agreed.” He cupped Lance’s face with his hands, openly showing affection and not caring for gazes, what were burning him to the ashes a moment ago. “And it was awful,” he whispered into Lance’s ear, as he leaned closer. “It was like you have been tearing apart from the inside. Like you desperately tried to hold a storm and failed. I hope,“ he signed somewhere into Lance’s hair. “It was worth it.”

“Sorry for making you to go through all of this,” the boy responded, brushing dear to heart mullet with his fingers. “I couldn’t have done this without you.”

But no matter how much they both wanted to, they couldn’t ignore another five persons in the room.

 _"You shit!”_ Pidge shrieked, launching themselves into boys. “You have some explaining to do!”

"No, he doesn't," Keith argued, still holding Lance for dear life. "Whatever reason he had to act the way he did belongs to him only."

"He almost died!"

"And? Lance's life is his own to waste."

"Fucking amazing!"

"Let's just try to calm down, everyone," Shiro tried his role of peacemaker again.

"Oh, I'm calm, look how calm I am!" Pidge tried to hit Lance in the shoulder, but was lifted up in the air just a tic before. Hunk, who now was holding furious green paladin in the air, moved them away and carefully put on the floor far from Lance and Keith, saving boys from immediate danger of being eaten alive by younger sibling, then lowered himself just as carefully, reaching for Lance.

"Dude," he said, and Lance noticed, what his hands were shaking. "Don't scare me like this ever again. I thought," he swallowed hard. "What you were gone for good this time." Hunk grabbed both of boys into hug, careful, yet extremely intense. "Stop sacrificing your life all the time, for real."

"Lance," Shiro made two steps at his direction as well, face searching. "Are you willing to tell us what made you to use yourself as a vessel?"

Lance glanced at Allura sneakily. Princess was frowning deeply, looking stern, strickt and unhappy in every other possible way.

"I...don't think I can-I should- …I don’t think so. It worked after all, didn’t it? Isn’t it that matters in the end?”

“I wouldn’t say so. But…I understand your wish for privacy. Was your reason important enough at least, to be worth of such risk?"

"...Yes," boy nodded, looking at Keith and smiling reassuringly. Then he turned back to their leader."Yes, it sure was."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun ( not really) fact: You know who first found prince Ancel dead and in the pool of his own blood? Allura.  
> And who was first to reach the Alltree and find Lance's body on the ground? ALLURA. Girl can't seem to have a break. 
> 
> Other facts:  
> 1)Lance's name in previous life was Ancel. I wanted to call him Aster at first, but changed mind midway. I'll keep it for another fic.  
> 2)One of reasons Lance refused to spill all newfound truth is what he was scared of Allura a little.  
> Another: he felt guilty for dying and kinda failing father and previous paladins (Zarkon excluded). Yes, that's just Lance for you  
> And the third: he just had a lot to take in and wasn't quite used to new knowledge yet. Also he kinda didn't think anyone would believe him  
> 3)Ancel was the only one who wasn't the original paladin and felt very insecure and like he needed to compensate for it.


	16. Who I am from the start; take me home to my heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bonding™ chapter. Lance talks a lot, Allura got a new training exercise and flower puns are blooming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally going to include a big Shiro and Hunk moments too, but it got too big, and so I cut it in two pieces.  
> Also tfw you have >40k ongoing fic and you start writing a new one for SOME GODDAMN reason

Everything was fine.

Well, besides Keith and Lance both being something alike to grounded from any kind of unsupervised activities outside the Castle; meaning at any planet they visit, and even in training flights boys had an observing eye watching them closely. Allura wasn't joking then she mentioned some kind of penalty for their actions.

Luckily, ruhcans didn't actually care about their intervention as long as memory was successfully transferred to Alltree.

Paladins of Voltron parted with them in good terms, both sides promising each other full support in incoming battles. Shiro was going to suggest staying for a little bit longer, providing help in future encounter with yet unsuspecting galra, who were going to visit to collect wood soon; but villagers convinced them all what they were more than prepared to meet visitors the best way they could.

Freed from necessity to harm their own protector in order to preserve memories and now having no obligation to galra, ruhcans were going to show unwelcomed visitors that exactly they thought about the whole bargain to begin with.

"You were saying something about ruhcans being a peaceful race?" Pidge snickered.

"They are peaceful," Allura insisted. "But it doesn't mean they don't know how to defend themselves if needed."

"They also seem to be pissed as fuck," Lance snorted. "Go, ruhcans! Kick some evil purple asses!" Princess looked at him directly, eyebrows gathering into a frown. "What? I can't wish our new allies good luck?" 

“This might be just my assumption," Pidge noted, lowering voice. "But you better be quiet and still around Allura for a while; she's really pissed off with you two after the whole memory deal."

* * *

Well, no matter how angry princess was with Lance, their private trainings remained. But _maybe_ it would be better if they didn’t.

If Lance had trouble concentrating in usual occasions, now he was barely catching what princess was even saying; revelation about Allura being a sister of his was distracting as hell.

He thought about how he could approach this topic, and if he even should.

_"Hey, Allura, it's me, I'm alive! Though I did die back then, and now I'm human and have another family on Earth; oh, by the way, want to meet them? I bet they would love you!"_

The best case scenario: she would believe him. The worst...Well, Lance didn't want to think about it. Being confronted by your sister about you being pretender of yourself is...an experience he would like to avoid, thank you very much.

Another thing was; what use would it possibly be for Allura to know the truth? Hadn't he disappointed her enough already? Wouldn't it be better to bury it in the ground and forget, as something not worth keeping in mind? But how does someone forget your whole life? Another, yes; and even looking absurd in light Lance's perfectly normal earthling life, but still real. Still _his_.

Lance wouldn't be able to ignore who he was once, as his past was literally around him: he piloted just the same lion as before, and his sister was around; and a man who was practically a second father to him survived as well; and the man whom he once trusted beyond everything and who once murdered him was a leader of Empire, conquered the half of universe and more and the main of their enemies.

It was kind of hard to run from the past then past literally walked towards you with light years speed.

Speaking about something moving with speed of light years.

Or _someone_.

Lance jumped to the left, barely avoiding bone-crushing hit Allura sent into his direction.

"I know you're angry," he huffed. "But please, can you be angry anywhere else but training ground? Because," he paused, to try blocking next attack with weakly formed energy shield. Shield cracked and tore apart right after the first hit. "If you'll continue to charge at me like that, I might not live to see another day."

"Oh yeah?" princess hissed, getting ready for another attack. "You didn’t seem to think about importance of your life while engaging extremely risky situation earlier. What, if I may add, was unnecessary and even undue."

"Wow," Lance cowardly hid behind another spark of shield, which broke into pieces right in his hands a tic later. "You sure know how to hold your grudges."

"It's not about _that_ ," she argued, knocking Lance to the ground with one direct, and boy, quite painful as well hit. "It's about you respecting your supervisors and consulting with them about decisions you're about to make, especially then these decisions are of the great importance. I thought," she exhaled heavily, brushing hair away. "What it's an adamant rule none of you need repeating of; but it seems I was wronged there. Oh, and you've lost: if it would be a real battle, you would be long dead."

"Oh, c'mon!" boy protested. "This isn't fair; you're so much stronger than me, it's clear we have an unbalance of power. Also I'm not melee fighter and you know it."

"Your enemies won't adjust to the way of the fight you're most comfortable with!" princess declared. "Neither Zarkon nor Lotor will ask you politely: ' _Oh, my dear fair paladin, what is the style you're most adapted to?'"_ , she mimicked in the tone of voice Lotor would actually use. "We're at war if you haven't noticed yet; a hard, long and blood demanding fight against one of the most powerful and well-adapted to the world races!"

"We're not fighting the whole race," Lance reminded softly. "Even though most of galra are under Zarkon's command and dream about getting our guts out, it shows only a nature of Zarkon's tyranny, and not whole galra race personality. I thought you had admitted it?"

"I did." princess acknowledged. " _I do._ It's just...hard to see galra as anything over than enemies then all I once loved was drowned in blood by a hand of the galra emperor. But...you're right, of course."

She looked at Lance with pained expression. "You're very accepting, do you know that? I wonder would you stay the same on my place?" Princess chucked sadly, and finally reached to help Lance get up from the ground. "You probably would: no, _I know_ you would."

She looked at the paladin with gaze he was well aware of: soft, affectionate look, full of caring and will to protect. It was Allura's _Big Sister_ look. "I didn't get to say about qualities a paladin of the Blue lion obtains, did I?"

"I hadn't let you finish," Lance snorted.

"Oh yes, you had not. But I want you to hear it now; to be aware of the traits you possess. Blue paladin," she began. "Is the most loyal of all. He's easy to trust and care about others, old and newly acquainted alike. He's a team player and often brings people together, uniting. He is selfless, what, gotten to extremes, can be a flaw."

Lance felt himself blushing. "Doesn't sound much like me," he said weakly, deeply touched by sister's words, yet couldn't help but doubt them.

"On the contrary," Allura looked him deep in the eye. "It took me some time to notice, but you tend to diminish your worth despite all bravado you say; although, you're willing to risk your life for safety of any person you consider your friend and any innocent soul you meet. It's not a bad trait, and I appreciated your heroic actions back then Castle turned against us. However, the further we got, the more I saw how little you care about your own safety. You were getting hurt again and again, dismissing damage as not worth of mentioning, as if your well-being wasn't important. Your actions on the last mission...Is just a catharsis of your behavior, expected, but sorrowful anyway. I want you to understand," she cupped his cheek in sweet gesture. "I'm not scolding you, though you clearly deserve it as well. But your willingness to sacrifice your life worries me so."

Allura looked at him, open and vulnerable. "I must confess, you remind me of someone I once held dear."

 _This is it_ , an alarm screamed through all Lance's system. _That's a good time to tell her the truth._

He looked at princess in front of him; soft melancholy in her look, a distant look of nostalgia in the eyes.

 _Tell her_ , he begged himself. _Don't fucking let your dreams be dreams, **do it**_.

"Allura," he began. "I'm-"

And then he chickened out.

"I'm grateful for your support," he said, words he was going to let out before getting stuck in his throat and being replaced with the shallow substitutes. "And the same goes to you as well; don't think any of us forgot that time you threw Shiro across the hall and let yourself get caught so we'd escape."

"We can have a deal then; you will stop risking your life at any chance possible and I will try to do the same. Because I assure you, none of us wants to see you hurt, especially not Keith."

" _Wait_ , why would you separate Keith's name like this?"

"Lance, I'm not blind," princess looked at him with soft reproach. "It was clear what both of you had some kind of attraction to each other, so your...closer association was just a matter of time. Also I might have heard something from the mice."

* * *

 "Serious talks aside, tell me something, your highness, honestly. Do you have hots for Shiro?"

"Do I _what_?!"

"Have hots for Shiro. Well, do you want to ride his lion; to meld with his mind? To pilot his castle? To rock his ground; to blast his cannon; to-"

" _I've got it, thank you very much!_ "

"And?"

_"I'm not answering this!"_

"Hey, Allura! Hold your jets! Allura!"

* * *

"So," Lance stated intelligently. "Allura wasn't joking then she mentioned punishment."

"It's a couple training, actually." Coran hummed in response, observing Blue and Red paladin in front of him, both being in the mood far away from excitement.

"A _couple_ training? Sounds pretty cheesy, if you ask me."

"Perhaps I worded it wrong; I meant to say that it's one of bounding exercises created to strengthen your connection with a partner."

"Yeah, that _doesn't_ sound lovey-dovey _at all!_ " boy snickered. "So, what is our training is about?" he wiggled eyebrows in suggestive motion, making ridiculously flirty face. Keith, who was resolved into silent approach before, couldn't help but snort despite his best effort and tried to hide his amusement right immediately.

Too late; Lance has seen the success and was going to start bragging about it already, but then a polite cough interfered with his plans.

He turned to Coran, only to be sized with caring and too understanding for his taste look.

"Oh, youth," adviser sighed dreamy. "A season of love blossoming like the most exquisite flowers."

Blue paladin felt blush creeping at his cheeks.

"Lance is sure blossoming right now," Keith added some oil to the flame getting all lively on Lance's face.

" _Leaf me alone_ ," blue paladin groaned exaggeratedly. If Keith wanted to start a pun fight, he would get it.

"Hey, Coran, do you know what flower Keith would be if he was one?" he waited till attention of his small audience was caught. " _Damndelion!_ "

Coran just raised eyebrows slightly, not getting the meaning, but he wasn't Lance's main target anyway. And his main target got critical hit, as Keith made sound suspiciously alike to choke, becoming the same color as his suit. He sent Lance a furious scowl, what was met with but a blinding smile.

"Stop punning around," Keith twirled, avoiding looking at his partner's direction at all. "Coran, what is our task?"

"Oh, you see," the ginger man touched his mustache, thoughtful. "Princess was deeply concerned about all lions having capable pilots after the "Shiro losing incident" and changes we had to apply until his return. We did manage to avoid fights in a new formation, but the necessity of them itself, as well as ability of some," he gave Lance a pointy look."Of you to find a common ground with more than one lion, helped to make Allura a decision to start trainings with "switching" lions. Just for _some_ time!" he added, successfully cutting off almost risen arguments. "To avoid future inconvenience if one or more pilots or lions won't be able to fight. Princess and will do anything to avoid such unpleasantness, but you still need to be prepared, if the worst will come."

"I don't like the sound of this," Lance frowned. "I don't like sound of this at all! Especially the "worst case scenario" and "switching lions" parts. Are you sure it's not just a clever plan of Allura to make us realize our mistakes?"

"Oh, it's absolutely is! Princess prefers to unite important life lessons and proof of her rightness."

"Trust me, you're not the only one not being ecstatic of this idea," Keith winced. "Red isn't happy for you to pilot her either."

"Yeah? Well then, I'd like to see how you will try to pilot _my_ girl!"

"It won't be difficult, Blue is the most accepting from the lions."

"Boys," Coran interfered. "Less bickering, more piloting, please. You can begin an exercise."

"I bet I'll get into Red faster than you'll even convince Blue let you in!" Lance screamed, as he sprinted toward the lions.

"This is not a competition!" Keith, despite his words, was just after him, already catching up.

* * *

"Hey, don't crash my baby!" Lance warned. "Hmm. _Baby_ , don't crash my baby. Oh, that's sweet, I have two babies now."

" _Stop_ ," Keith hissed. "It's harder than it seems!"

"Are you telling _me_ this? I was flying Blue all the way down, and let me tell you, amigo, she's just perfect. Maybe you're just not as good as you thought you were?"

"Oh, look who speaks! And how you two are doing?"

"Big Red and I?" he gently tapped on the control panel in front of him. "Great, we're having time of our lives. I must admit, she's much more maneuverable than Baby Blue, no offence, honey."

"Can you stop giving your lion pet names?" Keith resented, and Lance could see him scowl.

"Why?" he cooed. " _Jealous much_?"

"Wha- No, I'm not- It's just weird!"

"There is nothing wrong with giving my girl little bit of affection," Lance could hear Blue purring softly in return even through comms. "But honestly, don't launch yourself into space rock, please. Your flying is a little bit...unsteady."

"I thought it will be easier," Keith admitted with a huff, "After all I piloted Black and he's the biggest one out of the lions. But even Black has more freedom in movements."

"No surprise, Blue and Gold are the one build to support the whole construction; they're legs, remember? They don't need much maneuvers, but a lot of strong defense and stable foundation."

"That would make sense."

"So, how about racing to that asteroid cloud?"

"No way, you'll win!"

"So, you're finally admitting my superior skills!"

"No- We _just talked_ about how Red is more maneuverable than Blue and you suggest to _race_?"

"Sounds like someone here is scared."

"I'm not."

"Do too."

" _Am not._ "

"Then prove it, samurai. Or have you chickened out already?"

" _Fine_."

* * *

 

"Whoa, _why_ is Blue _purring_ to you? What have you done?!"

"Why would I even do anything? Maybe she just enjoys my company."

"But Blue is _my girl!_ Mine, you hear? I can't believe it: how could you, traitorous soul! I trusted you, I loved you!"

"Are you talking to me or Blue?"

"..."

"Lance?"

" ..."

"Lance."

"..."

"You know I can see you pouting, right?"

"..."

"Oh, come on!"

"..."

"I'm not going to replace you! And honestly, I doubt anyone even could. You hear me?  Oh my god, stop making that face. I mean it, really. Listen, Blue projected some of your thoughts - feelings - doesn't matter, to me and- _Don't wince like that!_ She's not doing it because she thinks you're not enough, she is just worried about you!"

"..."

"I think she doesn't even like me _for real_. She's purring to me because you like me and she feels that; the same way Red trusted you right away as she sensed my emotions."

"...Is this why you were so moody then Allura first announced I'll have to pilot Red? Because you knew she will let me in because of you?"

" _Oh_. I thought you won't speak up till the end of the training. Um, yes, kind of?"

"You _like_ me!"

"Lance, we're literally dating."

" _Still._ "


	17. Weep little lion man, you’re not as brave as you were at the start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the second half of previously 16 chap, what got separated to being a chapter on its own.  
> Sleepless nights, trainings, panic attacks and a lot of talks happen. Plot, what plot?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: tries to edit chapter  
> ADHD: Hello!~  
> Me: Shit
> 
> A day later, me trying to sit and read chapter to rewrite some parts/edit.  
> Depression:...hello?  
> WHEN WILL MY MENTAL HEALH RETURN FROM A WAR
> 
> Honestly, what could be more awkward than your hero walking into you cuddling with his brother?  
> Maybe having a panic attack in the middle of the training with the said hero.

One unfortunate thing about nightmares is; they refuse to go away no matter how well you’re aware of that’s causing them.

This unfriendly revelation often reminded Lance of itself in the darkness of the night, though, truth to be said, it was always the night in space. And maybe this was exactly the point.

Lance once again found himself avoiding sleep, on the edge of tired blackout, refusing to rest in fear of seeing the same scenarios over and over again. Honestly, how many times he had to see himself dying?

Boy didn’t want to enter dark borderline of his mind only to feel somewhat familiar, yet always as painful as the first time stab in the stomach, to see his own blood spilling, covering the blue fabric of royal clothes. He wasn’t even dressed for battle back then: just his usual everyday attire from soft and smooth material, similar to the one his sister’s dress was made of. It soaked up in blood instantly.

And so there he was, sitting in bed what was slowly becoming more familiar to him than his own, reading an altean book from his touch pod. In the dark of the night, with the only person around being deep in the sleep, Lance felt no need to hide his ability to read altean just so perfectly. Memories of the past came back with memories of the things he once knew. For example, his ability to write, speak and understand altean was back, or how he was able to recreate flora and fauna of Altea to the core. Ironic, considering how useless this knowledge was now, with Altean planet long destroyed.

Lance glanced at Keith lying in bed close to him with affection; red paladin was surprisingly aware of his surroundings even in his sleep. It would be annoying and borderline paranoid; if somehow, deep in Keith’s subconsciousness wasn’t projected one instant idea: keep Lance as close as possible.

Then Keith practically hit him with his body, trying to press into another as much as he could, Lance thought, what maybe he was just uncomfortable, or didn’t have enough place to stretch, or whatever. After all, Keith admitted to not being used to share bed with anyone.

So Lance moved a little away, giving his boyfriend space he needed. Only to be wrapped in another desperate and chaining hug just some minutes after.

In the end it appeared what Keith did crave some kind of space, but it wasn’t his personal. Red paladin just liked to be as close to Lance as possible, subconsciously moving to him every time his bed buddy shifted even a little away. So there Lance was, in a sitting position with a pod in one of his hands, Keith holding him close, hands wrapped around Lance’s waist, head practically on Lance’s lap.

Not like Lance minded it; on the contrary, this sight of affection was heart-warming and slowly melted boy into state close to green goo.

Because Keith _liked_ him, and his body was showing it even then boy himself was deep asleep.

Because Keith seemed to be uncomfortable then Lance wasn’t wrapped into his strong hands, as if he’d get easily hurt overwise or just disappear. It was both a sight of possessiveness and protection, like holding Lance for dear life was one of Keith Kogane’s main duties.

And honestly, being held like this then he was trying to ignore creeping on the backside of his mind sleepiness was the best; and slow playing with Keith’s ridiculously mullet-shaped hair what Lance started absentmindedly soothed and calmed both of them into deep peaceful warmness. It was second best to the normal, not tainted with nightmares, sleep.

It was so good Lance lost a track of time and morning came unexpectedly.

None of boys left for a breakfast, as Keith was still deep into sleep, finally comfortable enough to not wake up at ungodly hour and rest as much as his teenage body needed; and Lance, once he finally brushed sleep away, got really invested into the book he was reading.

Lance snapped out of reading state then door to Keith’s room opened with a soft accompanying sound. He raised head sligtly only to be met with a sight of Shiro in front of him.

“Uh,” Lance said, as the eloquent person he was known to be. “I’m. This isn't that it looks like," he promised, sounding fake even to himself, with Keith still wrapped around him close and Lance obviously having no intention to break connection apart. “Wait, maybe it does. I have no idea how we look from another person’s perspective. I swear I’m not keeping your brother hostage, if that’s what you thought it is.”

“More like _he_ is keeping you hostage,” Shiro chucked, noticing Keith’s close to deathlike hold on Lance’s waist. “You and Keith weren’t present at the breakfast, and you weren’t in your room, so I guessed that’s where I’d find both of you. It seems I wasn’t wrong,”

“Uh, yeah, um.” Honestly, the whole situation was far closer to awkward than Lance wished for. “We were just sleeping- Wait, not like _sleep_ sleeping, just actual sleeping, like cuddling and sharing a bed and- Please, don’t give me safe talk, I had one back on Earth already and it was _awful_. My brother, he- uh- He tends to overdo things he starts, such an overachiever Lex is, but I’m sure you’re not here to hear about my brother; you probably have heard more about my family than you ever wanted to and I’ll just shut up right now, let me just remember how to-“

“Lance,” Shiro caught his attention. “Calm down, alright? I’m not going to murder you because my brother actually overslept like a normal person once in a while.”

“Uh, good- Great! So I’ll just go? Wait, I’ll need to wake him up so I’d be able to, Keith doesn’t look to be willing to let me out of his hold, and you probably need him awake anyway for whatever you needed him for, so-“

“Oh, I actually came not to Keith,” Shiro interrupted another chain of Lance’s thoughts with a notion. “I came here looking for you. Allura isn’t feeling very well today and I took a duty to train you instead of her.”

* * *

After several minutes of Lance’s gentle attempts to wake up his deep in the sleep boyfriend and his awful tries to ignore the call of reality, hiding his face in Lance’s waist – in the end Lance couldn’t do anything anyway, and Shiro, kindred soul who hasn’t left yet, carefully unchained his brother’s grip from Lance, owning a lifelong gratitude – , blue paladin finally left bedroom to grab a quick snack in the kitchen and be ready for a training.

Lance entered the training ground and was met with a sight of Shiro already waiting fir him.

"So," he started. "Did something happen to Allura?"

"Nothing serious, she just feel a little bit tired."

"Is she alright?" Lance asked, a worry rising. "She'll be fine." Shiro didn't look very convinced by his words though. "Let's begin; princess mentioned what you went through some kind of training to strengthen your quintessence feelings, am I correct?"

Lance winced, remembering what he had to go through. "Yeah," he nodded.

"I see," black paladin appeared to be deep in the thoughts, and then he brushed it off, chuckling to himself. "To be honest, I'm not completely sure how I should be training you. If it was a usual training, I'd suggest sparing, but as your trainings are especially intended to develop your quintessence abilities...It's not exactly my sphere of working."

"Well, we did start sparring lately, but it was more of the onetime thing. You don't have to do it; I'll just wait till princess feels better."

" _No_ ," Shiro insisted, coming off unexpectedly forceful. "I promised Allura what I'd do that, it was the only way to convince her to rest."

"Shiro," Lance hemmed. "Are you _sure_ Allura is going to be fine? Is it something serious?"

"She will be, with time," man sighed."But she _needs_ time. Our last mission reminded her deeply of the past; about the places she knew, people she lost..."

"Is it about her brother?" Lance asked carefully, feeling a cold hand of a dread reaching for his insides. Was Allura hurting _because of him_?

"Him as well, yes. Also I think I won't lie if say what she was worried about your condition after your actions on the last mission. Allura might not look like this, but she cares about all of us as of a family."

"Does she see you like a brother figure then?" Lance teased.

Shiro looked a little bit shaken by such a cruel possibility. "God, _I hope not_ ," he admitted. "But let’s finally start our training. I think we'll go with a sparring fight first, if you don't mind? It's the one way of teaching I'm the most experienced in, and it would help you in the future fights as well. Besides, from what I got, your training was mostly concentrated on passive observation and low energy manipulation of quintessence, which is, I agree, quite important. But we're in the middle of war and you all need to know how to protect yourself. I want you to try not to observe, but to defend, using your new abilities. Try to predict my moves by my energy movements to avoid being hit, or use quintessence as a shield. You know this stuff better than I, so don't be afraid to improvise."

* * *

Their training was going on quite well; Lance actually got a hold on this magic energy thing; remembering previous life helped him. Boy even managed to dodge several hits, avoiding to use energy shield for a while; predicted some of other moves before Shiro even put them in action.

And then black paladin decided to put his newly obtained Bayard in use; not the best choice of action, if Lance could be honest.

And the world shattered to pieces.

* * *

Because as much as Lance thought he was ready, with knowledge being finally unlocked and reasons being clear, he wasn’t.

He wasn’t ready to see the sight of a weapon once piercing him.

Bayard’s manifestation looked different in Shiro’s arms: less dark galra styled hilt and sharp, refined blade; more usual, practical and minimalistic sword. But it was still the same weapon Lance once got to know way too close.

His father used to say: paladin often leaves a sight of his presence in his lion, on his weapon. Paladin and his assets are the same. Maybe there was too much of Zarkon in Black Bayard yet, or Lance’s memories tricked him into thinking so.

Shiro probably hasn’t thought what his training will grow into full-bloomed panic attack from blue paladin’s side. And yet it was exactly what happened.

* * *

"Hey," he felt familiar figure to lower themselves in front of him, reaching. "Hey, Lance," it was an especially soft tone of voice, as if use Shiro another, Lance would just shatter to pieces. "I've got you, hear me? I've got you! You're safe," Shiro held him close, as if Lance was a baby, cradling. "You're fine, everything is fine, and nothing is going to harm you. Okay? Okay."

He looked into boy's tears covered and paled face that was still keeping a blank frightened expression; then gently put him even closer to himself, as if trying to shield from anything what would present danger. Lance sobbed quietly, hiding his face deeper into older friend's shoulder, trying to disappear.

"Shh," Shiro repeated in a sooth voice. "It's okay, buddy. Everything is going to be okay."

He kept saying same calming, reassuring words over and over again, gently rocking Lance side to side in a lulling motion. Then Lance stilled, shifting a little, Shiro finally unwrapped his hold, letting teen out.

"How are you feeling?" Man asked, concerned. "Do you need anything?"

Lance shook his head. "I'm...I'm better, I think. Almost calmed down, a-and I'm sorry, I _really_ wasn't going to..."

"I know you weren't going to." Shiro nodded, brushing last tears from boy's face. "And I know how it feels like. Can't say everyone's experience it the same way, but I know how it feels then dread fills your body, as you're losing control of your surroundings and yourself. I know and even if I didn't, I wouldn't blame you for being scared and hurt." He frowned. "I only wish I'd know sooner." Shiro set a hand on Lance's shoulder, looking at him earnestly." It wasn't for the first time, was it? The way you reacted...You weren't surprised even at slightest; quite the contrary, you expected something like this to happen? Or am I wrong? It would be relief, if so."

"You're not," Lance practically whispered.

"So it _did_ happen before," Shiro sighed. "I'm sorry if I'm being intrusive, but I'm trying to understand what you experience in order to find some way for you to cope. Did something happen while I was away? You didn't act this way before. Or...was I really that inattentive to you?"

Lance looked at his friend and teammate in anticipation. Could he tell him the truth, admit the demons of long lost past haunting him?

Oh yes, because it would be such a great idea: _"Hey Shiro, sorry for freaking out, it's just I was once killed with the Bayard you own now. Funny, right?"_

Perfect way to guilt-trip already struggling with being former galra gladiator man into cycle of self-hatred. _No, thank you very much._

"It started not so long after you were gone," Lance murmured. He couldn't spill all truth, worrying about Shiro's possible reaction; but couldn’t find an energy to lie about everything either. "Dreams...really scary ones. I had nightmares before, but this isn't it. They feel...real. And terrifying. First time I woke up and immediately puked put of panic what was chaining my body. This all... It doesn't make sense, not to me."

Oh, but it did; it made so much sense. Shiro, however, didn’t need to know that, at all.

"Like these are not my dreams, I keep seeing stuff about galra and Voltron and alteans and maybe these are memories of previous blue paladin and I get them through a bond I have with Blue and- Oh - I'm starting to ramble and I better stop but it's just-"

Yes, good. It sounded convincing enough, and Lance could see Shiro believing every word he said; unsuspecting by a great net of lies boy carefully created.

"Have you talked with about it with anyone? Maybe Hunk?"

" _The hell_ I would bother him with this!" Lance exclaimed, truly bewildered.

He couldn’t talk about it with Shiro; hell, he wasn’t able to tell the truth even to _his own quiznacking sister_ ; how could he possibly go, spilling dark hidden secrets of his previous life around, like some kind of overflowing sink?!

_“Hey Hunk, heard the latest news? I’m dead altean prince! Wild story, am I right?”_

_“Shiro, don’t worry, it’s not you, it’s your Bayard; you know, thing is, its previous owner just killed me a little. But it’s such a trifle, yeah?”_

_“Allura, my dear, are you aware what I’m in fact your long lost slash dead younger brother? C’mon, spare me awkward sibling hug!”_

_“Pidge, listen, I’m not mad, I swear. I’m just reincarnated murdered member of altean royalty. I swear I’m telling the truth!”_

No. Just…no, thank you. Way to give your teammates a heart attack.

"Dude is pretty anxious already. He's my best friend, why would I want it to harm him?"

"But it sure alright to harm _you_?" Shiro raised eyebrows.

"Eh, I've had worse. Actually, it's a lie, I haven't had worse, and honestly, _thank god_. This emotional trainwreck is enough already, thanks, no, thanks. But," he added hastily. "I told Coran. Well, not about panic attacks, but about having weird as heck dreams, he promised to help; so now I'm wearing this weird mind-reading helmet in my sleep."

And Lance thought not for the first time about how much helmet was able to actually capture; did it hold a memories boy has been seeing in his dreams? Has Coran known everything already?

"So you have confided with someone," Shiro nodded. "That's good. Better than Keith would deal with it."

"Oh yeah," Lance laughed. "He's a little bit emotionally conspired like this."

"That's Keith we all know and love. Lance," Shiro looked at him, especially serious, and that said a lot, considering how serious already he was during the whole panicked mess Lance just was. "I've noticed Keith and you got really close lately and I want to make sure you won't hurt him. You won't, will you?"

"I won't." Lance easily agreed, and then snickered. "I'm pretty sure if I'll fuck this up; you'll straight up murder me. Wait, no, if I fuck up like this, Keith will be able to murder me himself."

"I really doubt he would though," Shiro disagreed. "You might not see it, but he really has a soft spot for you. Like this morning: Keith doesn’t usually trust people so much to be so relaxed in their presence, or even crave it. But with you: not only he let you that close, but actually reached for contact himself and wasn’t willing to break it. I can see you matter a lot to him, more than you can imagine, so just...don't break his heart, please."

Lance nodded, getting serious. If Shiro, person who knew Keith better than anyone, said this…then it had to be at least close to the truth. Thought about Keith trusting him enough to looking for comfort in his company warmed Lance’s heart as blazing with a heat newborn star.

"I'll try my best not to. It would pain me as well a great deal as I, uh, well, you might have noticed – like in today's awkward morning encounter, for example – I care about him; deeply. Like… _very_." He blushed in dark crimson. "Wait, and _why exactly_ am I saying this all to you?!"

"Don't worry, your secret is safe with me," Shiro smiled. "C'mon, let's get you standing. And make sure to rest enough, you've got through quite a lot for the one day and sure need some break."

* * *

It took Lance some time to find his best friend; he entered hanger after not particularly long search around of castle, finally spotting a familiar figure crooked in front of some tech-related stuff near Yellow lion. Lance made sure to approach his best bud as fast as possible, practically sprinting into him.

"Whoa," Hunk exclaimed, as full wild force of Lance McClain itself hit him with all love he had. "Easy here. What are you up to?"

"I'm officially resting, Shiro's orders."

"Did something happen on a training you two had?" Hunk asked carefully. "That doesn't look like Shiro."

"Eh, I was just extra tired and useless," brushed it off Lance. "So he decided to give me some break."

Hunk looked at him, frowning, unhappy. "I told you to stop calling yourself useless," he said. "As you're _nothing_ like this. I swear, if your insecurity could manifest in physical form, I'd punch it with no second thoughts. Right in its ugly face."

"Chill out, space Rembo, there is nothing bad in some self-criticism."

"And there is a huge difference between self-criticism and self-humiliation. You're doing the last one and I have one thing to say: _don't_." Grim determination on Hunk's face was practically palpable.

"You know it's not that easy," Lance lowered his trademark smile down. "And I was better lately."

"This is why you resemble panda so much right now?" Hunk hemmed with doubt.

"What panda?"

"Extremely tired one: then was the last time you looked in the mirror?"

"Um, today's morning? And last I checked I was just as gleaming as ever."

"Dark circles under your eyes tend to disagree."

"There is no concealer in outer space!" Lance protested.

"I'm sure there is some alien equivalent, but it's not what I'm talking about. Concealing problems won't make them go away."

"Well, I don't know, you can always _try_."

"Lance?"

"Hmm?"

"You were trying to avoid answering the question for the last minute."Hunk got distracted from whatever work he was doing and looked up at his friend. "Have you been having more nightmares?"

"What nightmares?"

"Stop it already. I'm your best friend and I'm not blind; it honestly wasn't that hard to see what you weren't sleeping good lately, but I guessed what you'll talk to me about it then you're ready. However, it's been more than a week, and you are still lurking in the shadows, so. What happened? Did you _faint_ on a training?"

" _What?!_ No, I didn't faint! Just...panicked a little," Lance lowered his shoulders in defeat. "So, long story short… Allura asked Shiro to train with me instead of her for whatever reason, and you _know_ Shiro tries to get used to fight with Bayard; so he activated it and I...freaked out. I just sprinted away across the training room, while shaking, and then started to cry. Shiro had to calm me down for half of a hour."

" _Dude_..."

"It's pathetic, I know!"

"It's not pathetic. There is nothing shameful in being scared."

"Even in freaking out?"

"Even in freaking out."

"Not even in hyperventilating because his Bayard scared the quiznack out of me?"

"Not even in that. God," Hunk sighed, brushing some dirt from his hands with napkin only to wrap them around Lance after. "I wish you would say something earlier, I wish _I would_ do something earlier. Do you need someone to lull you to sleep? Or company?"

"Uh,” Lance felt blush creeping down his face and neck. Keith was actually helping with that, so I'm good."

Hunk nodded affirmative, though tensed a little, as if disturbed by some worrying thought. "You and Keith got very close lately," he finally said. "To the point where you spend a lot of time together. Or even nights. And he was the one you confided as you took a role of a vessel for ruhcans..." paladin's voice got lower the further the thought went. "Say, we're still best friends, aren't we?"

" _What?!_ " Lance exclaimed, bewildered. "My bud, my pal, _amigo!_ Keith might be the love of my life, the star of my sky- WHATEVER; but he'll never ever take your place! You're my best friend, my brother, my ground and the walls protecting from the harm, you're my platonic soulmate and I would walk through the fire, storm and the end of the world if it would only mean we'll stay friends till the end of the time. You know me better than I ever knew myself and I'm pretty sure my family practically adopted you at this point?"

"Aw," Hunk smiled softly. "You don't mean it like that."

"I mean every single word and I would beat the crap out of anyone who would even  _dare_ to harm you."

"I love you too. Also, is Keith, I quote:  _"the love of your life"_?"

"Oh shit," realization of what he has been saying hit him in a wave. "Please, don't tell Pidge. Actually, you know that, don't tell anyone."

"But honestly, the star of your sky?"

" _Don't repeat it!_ "

"What else poetic ways to describe your _boyfriend_ you have?"

" _Hunk!_ "

* * *

"Oh, I forgot to tell you; Shay called me later."

"Really?! These are great news! She has been contacting you especially?"

"Well, not exactly; she was contacting princess for whatever counsel they needed, and Allura made sure to call for me. Shay said she was quite worried as their signal was leaving, but not reaching us, disappearing into nothing."

"Probably has to have something with us being anywhere in this universe for the last, I don't know, decade? Anyway, is she still "just a rock you admire", hmm?" Lance teased. "Anything you want to share with your best bud?"

"Well, actually," Hunk had nerve to blush. Blushing Hunk was somewhere in line of the most mesmerizing views ever. Lance hasn’t seen this sight for a while - months, years? Oh my, it was that long! - , and the fact what Hunk was overwhelmed with affection enough so I'd would reflect on his face made him warm inside. He felt joy and delight seeing friend being so happy. "Actually, Shay and I decided...well, to try? Relationship on a long distance. And I know it's extremely hard, especially with how emotional I am by my nature; it would be hard even in limits of one planet, but in the whole space? It...It will be hard. But I really don't want to miss this opportunity or to wait until we'll defeat Zarkon and Company for sure, besides, it would take years, if we'll even defeat them-"

"We _will_."

"You can't be sure...

"I'm saying _we will_. Have a little bit more faith in us; _in yourself_. And I'm glad you and Shay are together." Lance smiled. "She really makes you all bubbly and smiles and blushing. I think you're good for each other."

Hunk smiled in return. "Pidge is right; it must be spring."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the reason I'm not writing panic attack (or more like its beginning) bc I was never able to catch it myself. It often just comes unexpectedly, in a huge crashing wave where you have no control whatsoever, and you just try to calm down and recover after it. God, panic attacks are so energy-draining.  
> So writing it like this feels the most realistic to me, I guess.
> 
> ALSO! Long distance Hunay is kinda dedicated to my long-distance gf. We're together for more than a year already and I'll kick an ass of anyone who will say what long-distance relationships are not "real" relationships. Like pals, we're in love and it's not our fault we're living far apart???


	18. Why don't we ever tell the truth, what do we got to lose?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance questions his identity, Shiro is a good guy and needs a hug, Coran definitely knows, Keith is desperate, so is Allura. Everyone is hurting and Lotor is actually a bag of dicks.
> 
> Trigger warning: this chapter has some mention of torture and also prince Lotor is being a creepy creep. Beware.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me:* looks in the camera like in the office* seriously.  
> About Allura's age discourse: I've always seen Allura as an adult. Like, it wasn't even a question.  
> So just you know, in anything I write and ever will write Allura is an adult (22-26 if to change to human years)  
> Adult Allura, adult Shiro, adult Matt, everything is great. Soft Shallura will rise, leave me and my sand pile alone and let me build my castles.  
> Also sorry for delay, some serious shit happened in my family and it was hard to concentrate + my uni semester just started and I'm all busy and buried under paperwork

_This is it_ , Lance thought first in the morning. _This is cognitive dissonance at its finest._

Because it was honestly paradoxical: he was Lance, boy from Cuba from far far away blue of its oceans planet.

And he was Ancel, youngest child of king Alfor, prince of Altea.

Both statements were correct, both deserved to live. They're even worth the same: if you'd ask Lance what life he'd choose from the two of them, he honestly wouldn't be able to tell. Because both lives were his and equally important; the only difference was what all what's left from Altea were ashes, dust and Coran with Allura.  It was the self-consciousness in the middle of ruins: awakening in the wasteland. Didn't mean he'd prefer to go back to sleep.

Lance stood in front of the automatic door as if frozen in thoughts. All he needed to do was to step in and start conversation. All he needed to do is to trust the man who practically raised him.

But it was scary; oh quiznack, how scary it was! What if Coran wouldn’t believe him? Of he would see the same fault Lance carried around like a cloak, a guilty acknowledgement what prince of Altea failed his people? It was frightening: the possible disappointment in adviser's look, his silent questions: "Why did you survive if the ones who depended on you have died?"; "What your presence can possibly offer?"

Lance had no idea. What had he to offer to Voltron, to slowly forming alliance, to resistance of Empire?

What could his confession give aside from questions and confusion of his teammates, disbelief and pain of Allura and rejection from Keith's side? What would Hunk think of him then; his best friend practically from diapers, suddenly confronted by unexpected reveal what his friend isn't exactly who he is. Will Hunk feel betrayed, not being able to see in a new prince personage his bud for life?

Future was as uncertain as ever. Lance stepped away from the door and turned back.

* * *

 

He wandered to the kitchen and immediately met with presenting there already Takashi Shirogane in the flesh.

This was an awkward encounter, considering what it was deep night and both of the paladins were supposed to be asleep. And yet there they were, having a night raid at the fridge as dream terrors kept them awake.

At first Lance thought what he still can escape; turn back, race to Keith's room and pretend he never went to wander around castle to begin with.

But then Shiro turned around, disturbed by a noise Lance accidentally made; they made an eye contact and his escape plan was lost.

Sneaking back as a coward he was while unnoticed was one thing; but running away after his presence was acknowledged already, fleeing miserably from your hero and role model - that was another, much worse thing to happen. And so Lance had to stay and meet questioning look of a teammate with no - alright, maybe some - fear.

"Nightmares?" Shiro asked, surprisingly understanding. He actually got pretty attentive to Lance's behavior lately, as if single weakness Lance showed him has opened man's third eye. Lance felt like being monitored, their leader's worry practically radiating from him.

It was nice, on the one side, because it meant Shiro _cared_ , and cared about Lance more than just about functioning asset of a mechanism called Voltron: because no matter how shitty Lance felt, he tried his best to not make it affect the team and their duties. And as long as his condition hasn't caused any trouble for Voltron, Shiro could just brush it off, ignore as minor inconvenience or something Lance can handle himself. And yet he didn't.

On another side though, he felt extremely guilty for making their leader worry about him then he had enough on his plate already.

So Lance just nodded, trying to get comfortable on his chair. Shiro, however, seemed to be going to have a full time chat with him.

"What was it about?" he asked again, sitting on the next seat to Lance with a cup in his hands. Lance debated his answer for a moment.

"Dying," he finally gave away. "Me dying, I mean. Being killed."

"Huh," Shiro said. "For myself its mostly being the one who kills."

 _Jesus fuck_ , Lance thought with no regard to manners. _Gods help this man_. He said different words aloud.

"None of this is your fault, you know." Lance pursued. "It's Zarkon, galra soldiers, druids, mind-controlling bullshittery, anyone and anything else but  _not you_."

"You can't be sure-"

"Oh, _you bet I can_ ," Lance interrupted, tossing remaining manners into the airlock. "I can and I will. You're _a good man_ , okay? A good, caring, self-sacrificing person who tries to do everything at once and help everyone at the same time. You push and judge yourself too hard, take too much responsibility and have to deal with a lot. But you're doing your best and no one I know could have handle it better."

"It was supposed to be me cheering you up," Shiro smiled weakly. "Not the other way down."

"Nuh-huh, it's "Lance - your personal space counselor" time, so shush and be comforted."

"You look like someone who hasn’t slept in months," Shiro noticed. "And you're going to _comfort me_."

"Exactly. Now sit here and listen: Takashi Shirogane, you _have never been_ and _never will be_ anything remotely close to a monster. Never. I know this, Keith knows this, Hunk and Pidge are well aware, Coran is informed as well, and you better quiznacking believe what _Allura_ knows it perfectly. She knows the face of a monster and it's nothing like yours. Allura is a wise woman and she trusts you with her life: all of us do. So you just need to trust in our ability to make decisions, alrighty?"

Shiro chuckled sadly. "When had you grown so much, kiddo?"

* * *

 

Lance might had a thing to admit: a little but ugly detail of his everyday life.

He was avoiding Coran now. Shamelessly and with no remorse, turning back then seeing man in the room boy was just about to enter, always picking up castle duties far away from his altean friend.

This was extremely rude and uncalled for: Coran hasn’t exactly done anything wrong, he was just too close to the truth, the biggest reminder of Ancel, and the one who witnessed Lance it its worst, at its weakest.

Coran clearly suspected something, if hadn’t known all the way already. And Lance feared, oh how he was afraid of possible reveal of his past. He wasn't ready and wasn't sure if he'll ever be.

But no matter how much of a coward Lance was, he had to meet adviser eye to eye once. And so he did.

* * *

 

Apparently, Coran _did know_.

Because first thing he said, as Lance approached him, tensed and ready for something bad, was soft and gentle:

“Your highness.”

And it hit boy like an electricity wave, like the first moment of realization, like this brainwashing tech back in Uik’s lab.

It hit Lance, getting all over his body, covering, soothing cuts and bruises, it shook him out of this comforting denial.

Lance stopped middle movement, eyes wide and full of unspoken questions, looking at Coran as if he grew bunch of new heads.

“Coran,” all he managed to give in response.

“That’s me,” man hummed in acknowledgement. Coran wasn’t angry, he wasn’t bitter; only soft sorrow deep in the eyes, only melancholic warmth. “You didn’t think I won’t recognize a child I once helped to raise?”

And oh, Lance hasn’t thought the need of sharing his secret was that big of a burden, he had no idea it weighted his shoulders like a tone stoned monolith. But apparently it did, because suddenly Lance could breathe, suddenly he could feel the weight of dark past softly easing its pressure from his shoulders, under Coran’s understanding gaze, under the simple vocal acknowledgment: “ _It was. It is real._ ”

Lance – no, Ancel. No, _both of them_  at once – sobbed loudly, reaching hands to the man in front of him.

“Coran,” he said once again. “ _Coran!_ ”

He had no need to say anything else, as adviser held him in caring embrace, trying to shelter from cruel universe around.

“Ancel,” Coran said. “My dear boy.”

There was no more explanations or talks, just crying, just more hugs and comfort, silent sharing of sorrowful past they had, simple understanding and unity. There was something still left of Altea, and it was worth of all treasures of the world.

* * *

“Let’s…Let’s keep it from Allura for now, can we?”

Coran looked at the boy thoughtful. Lance looked relieved, but also scared, as if still holding some of a tension inside.

“If that’s what you wish for,” man hummed. “But please, make sure to tell her as soon as you’re ready. You’re not the only one hurting right now.”

“I know,” Lance seemed guilty, averting eyes and looking at the ground. “I’m just…I can’t do it right now. What…what will she think? Will she even believe me; because, you know, this all is the madness at its finest and- And I don’t want to give her some false hope, or make myself a burden once again, or-“

“ _Ancel,_ ” this name hit him as the shockwave. “You sister grieves and mourns for you. She wishes for nothing but your safety.”

“I…know,” he admitted once again. “I know but also I’m like…I don’t _feel_ it. I’m…Give me some time. Please.”

“Of course, my child.”

* * *

But Lance hadn’t had a chance to tell Allura.

Because suddenly galra attacks were back at their finest worst behavior; suddenly paladins were forced to defend not one, not two, but multiple innocent worlds, as Lotor used a far more straightforward tactic than his father.

It was painfully clear paladins were back in the battlefield: with everyday fights, blood, suffering, explosions and from little to none time to rest.

And then, during one important mission, Lance failed.

Or had he?

Thing was: Blue paladin managed to protect native aliens and forming resistance from being captured by prince’s army. But he was captured instead.

* * *

From Lance’s perspective it was mostly pain.

Pain, more pain, unfriendly galra faces, and just pain once again.

And then he saw Lotor.

Strange, but prince of the Galra Empire hadn’t changed much, not even ten thousand years after.

He was still the same charming man with long glorious hair and poisonous smile; all beauty Lotor might have had was blurred by his wicked personality: the man was nothing but cruel, clever and manipulative brat, eager to hurt others and to prove his supremacy.

If Lotor ten thousand years ago was calculating, hard to predict evil, time what had come made every negative quality of his demeanor only grow, practically to the grotesque size.

Prince of galra was desperate to prove how strong and successful ruler he was. And it seemed he was going to use Lance as a proving point.

* * *

It wasn’t any better from the perspective of the rest team Voltron.

Hunk, who was so happy in a new started relationship just a day ago, now was uncontrollable mess of anxiety: he broke the border of multitasking, trying to do everything at once, trying to do impossible.

“I can’t sit and do nothing,” he brushed off, when Coran tried to make him rest. “ _I can’t_ , Lance is suffering out there and the longer we hesitate the more damage he gets!”

Pidge just locked themselves inside of their lab, refusing to eat and sleep, to even open the door.

No one knew what they were doing inside, and even mice weren’t able to sneak in. Pidge’s way of grieving was total isolation.

Lance’s capture hit garrison duo the most, as the closest to boy. They were the Garrison Trio originally, but the last, essential part of the group was somewhere in galra prison, suffering from all prince Lotor could bring.

Princess Allura was as if frozen in a static, all of her emotions cutting off and only cold, half-hearted responses left. She became nothing but work, nothing but princess and Castle’s commander. As if she locked a person she was deep inside, not letting true feelings out.

And Keith was the opposite of her, a fury of emotional response, a storm of helpless anger and fear.

* * *

“Don’t,” Shiro warned.

“Don’t?” Keith repeated, as if he wasn’t sure he heard it right. “ _Don’t?!_ The man I love is in the hands of our great enemy, suffering, _dying_ , because he couldn’t help it but jump in front of another explosion, and you tell me:“Don’t”?! And what if it was someone you care greatly for, _what if it was Allura_ , would you just say “don’t” as well?!”

“You making it sound like I don’t care for Lance,” Shiro mentioned, still holding himself calm despite all the pressure. “And allow me to remind you: _Allura was in such position before_ , and if I recall it correctly, you suggested to leave her be.”

“That’s not- I haven’t- Damn it!” Keith cursed. “Are you going to hold it against me now? Are you going to _let Lance die_ because some time ago I wasn’t decent person to someone I barely knew?!”

“I’m not,” Shiro made a deep breath. “Going to hold anything against you. And once again: I _care about Lance’s safe being_ as well. But we can’t just rush in, multiple past encounters showed what this is no tactic to win.”

“It’s not about winning!”

“Keith.”

“While we’re waiting here, hesitating, my boyfriend is suffering, dying-“

 _“Keith._ ”

“I’m- Just-…” he seemed to lose all the fire what burned inside just a moment ago. “What am I supposed to do, Shiro?! I can’t- I can’t lose him! I’ve just-we just, it’s _all just started_ , Lance said he wanted me to meet his family; he said they’d love me, he said we have a whole life ahead, he said-“ There were tears streaming down his face now. “I can’t sit and wait; I’ll just drive me mad! We need to act, we need to do something, we need _Lance back_!”

“I know,” Shiro said, wrapping shaking boy in a hug. “I know and I _promise you_ we’ll get Lance back. He will be fine. Everything will be fine. Allura said Lotor would need him alive, so he’s out of death danger for a while.”

“It still leaves torturing,” Keith whispered somewhere in Shiro’s shoulder. “ _Torturing_ , Shiro! I’m not the one to tell you about this! He’s…he doesn’t deserve it, he is _so soft, so gentle,_ he doesn’t deserve to be tortured. Why is he the one who’s always hurting?!”

“I...I don’t know,” Shiro sighed. “But we’re getting him back, safe and in one piece. Just wait for it.”

* * *

“We’re rescuing Lance,” Allura stated.

“Princess,” Shiro tried. “Please, don’t rush in.”

“ _I’m not._ ” She said. “But I also know Lotor: he’s a monster and he’s not getting a hold on one of my paladins. We’re getting Lance back and we’re doing it _now_.”

“Don’t do anything reckless,” Shiro asked, feeling very much as if convincing his hot-headed brother. Aside from the fact what it was a gorgeous alien lady in front of him, princess, no less, and he was very much in love with her. “I don’t want to get Lance back only to lose you.”

 _Again_ , he added silently.

 _“You don’t understand!”_ Allura proclaimed. “This boy; he is _just a boy_ , _just a child!_ He has his whole life ahead of him, his family is alive and waiting, his planet isn’t destroyed! And I; everyone I ever loved, aside from Coran and you, are dead.”

Shiro tried very hard to ignore this “and you” addition; no matter how much he wanted princess to elaborate, it wasn’t the right time.

“Allura,” he said once again, summoning all of persuasion he had. “ _Please_ , don’t sacrifice yourself for any of us. We’ll find another way, _I promise_.”

* * *

And then they got a message from no one but prince Lotor himself.

Man seemed to enjoy himself so;but the prisoner he included in videolog looked nothing like this.

It was Lance; Lance was a prisoner.

Tired, bruised, with blood spilling out of the deep cut on his eyebrow, chained to a wall and looking half-dead, it was their teammate, important part of Voltron family. It was Lance.

“Greeting, my dear paladins,” Lotor started. “I am, as you might already be aware, the current ruler of the Galra Empire, prince Lotor. In fact,” he looked at Allura’s direction. “Some of you already know me. Hello Allura, my dear.”

“ _I am not,_ ” she cut off. “ _Your dear_. And _they’re not your paladins_.”

“Well,” Lotor hummed as if in the thoughts. “One of them is clearly in my hands right now, so your statement loses its point."

If looks could kill, Lotor would be murdered right when and where, by the very intense gazes of four paladins, one princess and one adviser. Even mice gave galran prince a look close to deathlike.

“What do you want?” Pidge demanded.

“What do _I_ want?” Lotor gasped in a false surprise. “Don’t you want something from me, or _someone_? Or did I read situation wrong and this fellow,” man unceremonically put his finger right on one of Lance’s deep cuts, getting a muffed pained sound in response. “Is but a nuance to you? If so, I’m more but happy to help you get rid of him.”

“No!” a multiple shouts came in response. Lotor smiled, satisfied.

“That’s just what I have thought.” He grinned. “Well then, you might be lucky, as if I’m feeling especially generous today. You see, I am willing to return this property of yours," he smiled deeper, and this smile wasn't promising anything good. "But only in one condition: I'd like something at least equal in return."

"What do you want," Keith growled, mirroring Pidge’s earlier question.

"Oh, just one simple thing; Allura, darling, we haven't seen each other in a person for very a long time, have we?"

"What do you want?" she echoed the same words for the third time.

Shiro felt a feel of dread gathering in his guts; he had very bad suspicion about what prince actually wanted.

"Isn't it obvious? You."

And oh, black paladin would like to be proven wrong, only for his six sense being absolutely correct.

Prince did not plan anything at least neutral in its nature; whatever he wanted from Allura was bad, dark and full of predatory undertones.

It sounded as if princess was some kind of a treasure to possess, as if she wasn’t even a person. It made Shiro to grit his teeth and try very hard to not to destroy console right where and when, not stop this transmission, to remove prince and his poisonous, full of taint intentions from a view.

"What?!"

"In exchange of your paladin. Sounds like a fair deal, isn't it?"

Keith looked at his brother in anticipation. "No," the mentioned man said with unshakable conviction. "Don't even think about it."

"Deal," Allura said at the exact same moment."

Black paladin felt the ground leaving under his feet, bursting out, the deep endless pit ready to consume him.

"Princess,” he tried,voice suddenly weak. “You can't-"

"With all respect, Shiro, I'm ought to remind you: no one, not even you, can decide for me what I can and cannot do." She turned to him, look of the pure titanium. "I am a princess, a warrior, one of the original paladins of Voltron; I can endure it. Lance; he's just a boy, a kid thrown into the fight he has never asked for, the war, what has nothing to do with him. He still has a home to return to, people who are waiting for him; and I couldn't live with myself if I'd left him - _any of you_ \- to the mercy of the monster Lotor is."

"I would argue about this war having nothing to do with me," Lance's fractured, rough voice came through the communications.

Finally. Hearing Lance was heartbreaking, but also gave them all a hope. Hearing Lance made them realize what he was still out there, and maybe not in one piece, but alive.

"And I'd very much liked you to restrain from heroic self-sacrifice," the prisoner continued.

"Right," Keith hissed. "Because it's your thing."

"It's the least I can do," blue paladin smiled weakly.

"Well, whatever your complains are, you can't possibly argue with your princess, am I right?" Keith wanted more than anything to wipe this smile from galran prince's face. However, he wanted his boyfriend back even more. "Do we have a deal?"

"We have a-" Allura began, but was interrupted.

"And what you're trying to achieve by _this?_ " Lance laughed and Keith more saw then heard how close it was to hysterics. Lance looked... Oh god, he looked devastated, tired to the point of no recover, beaten and bruised, but none of it was as heartbreaking as his expression.

Before he was tired and hurt, but not desperate, not cracking under the pressure that Lotor's presence was.

Before he was ever moving water, evading all damage with pure energy of itself, now... He was an ice, cold, sharp and crusty, but beyond repair, once broken. It scared Keith endlessly.

"Are you trying to prove yourself worthy of your father's attention, fighting for a place under the spotlight yet again? _Please_ , no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you'll do, you'll be nothing but his shallow shadow."

Well, if Lance wanted to provoke prince, he definitely succeeded. Lotor turned to him in a tic, as if burned by flame, self-pleased poisonous smile turning into scowl, voice lowering to hiss.

"And what would _a mere earthling_ know about my father and I?" He demanded, getting dangerously close to the prisoner.

 _Get your hands away from him_ , Keith thought. _Don't you dare even touch my boy._

"Well," and Lance actually smiled, crooked, but somehow still full of his endless blinding energy. "Earthling couldn't know anything about it. _Altean prince_ , however..."

And everything changed suddenly, in one drastic motion.

It was like the air froze up, covering them in its thick layer.

Allura, probably for the first time Keith knew her, shuddered, as if she was cold, as if fever was conquering her body.

Lotor stopped his threatening movement, still, suspiciously silent, as if he was trying to decide something, to see an answer in Lance's face. Finally, he smiled in return, vicious and victorious.

"Oh, my _dear, dear Ancel_ , "he cooed, voice falsely sweet, dangerous, even more predatory than before. "My apologies for not recognizing you right away, you seemed to change attire. An earthling, really?" galra turned back to the screen.

"Deal is over." he cut off. "Nothing personal, just minor change of plans. It seems my initial catch has more worth in it than I originally thought."

That snapped Allura out of stasis. " _No_ ," she cried, suddenly losing composure, looking desperate. "We _still_ can have a deal, think about it; what use do you have in him?"

"Oh,  _my dear_ , you know perfectly well what deal I can have with _your precious little brother_. I must kindly refuse your offer; while I find the thought of you in my power astonishing, getting no one but _Ancel_  himself in my hands is a pure luck. We have so much to discuss, don't we, dear?"

"Sure," Lance gave another forced smile. "Like how was your life for these ten thousand years we weren't around; have you tailed behind your father all that time? Did you even do anything in your own or you still haven't grown a mind separated from father's?"

A sound of electricity last swiping filled the air, cutting Lance's already harmed skin and making him cry in pain.

" _Silence_ ," prince hissed, losing all his false flattery at once. "You don't have a place to say a thing, _your grace_ , my father _killed you_."

"Still," paladin smiled. "He paid to me more attention that one day than to you ever," Lance bluntly refused to shut the fuck up and even more stubbornly - to lower gaze. "He must have thought you're not worth any of the acknowledgement."

" _Shut. Your. Mouth._ "

"Lance, don't provoke him!" Hunk cried at the same time in the terror. "He will kill you!"

"Sorry, but also not sorry, big guy. Though I love you with all my heart, a dead - literally - royalty in me disobeys. Only three persons could command prince Ancel back in Altea days; one of them is dead, another - somehow very close to it."

"And the third one?"

"The third one is Coran."

"My boy," the said man responded. "Please, restrain yourself from getting too much harm. We'll find you soon."

"I really hope so," Lance sent them one final farewell smile before galra prince cut the transmission off. The screen went dark.

Cold, hollow silence filled the air as the transmission was over; everyone slowly getting a gasp on what just have happened.

"So what are we going to do?" Pidge finally asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone: They all need vacation!  
> Me: haha, right! *writes more suffering*  
> Help these sad self-sacrificing kids.  
> Don't worry tho, Lance will be all right. Also from this disaster Matt Holt will rise. Wait for new chapter for some Holtesy to appear.  
> P.S. Lotor I've written makes me want to kill him right there and then and make sure he's never even remotely close to Allura or Lance.  
> Also I rushed to post this chapter bc I was really eager to be back, so it might be a lil less proofread than even usual


	19. You look at me like tomorrow could wait, lost in a haze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of Matt happens, and so everything is slowly getting fine.  
> (Sorry, I can't write angst for too long, just slide into joking mess soon after)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just before we'll start it: the reason why Allura stayed back at the Castle is because she'd do something very Lance-like if she'd go.  
> I trust Allura, she's wise and clever and usually level-headed woman, but not then it's about someone she has lost already and is about to loose again. Allura is very intense then it comes to her brother. To avoid "we saved Lance, but we lost Allura" scenario, Allura listens to voice of reason ft.Shiro and monitors everything from the Castle. Also holds wormhole ready for escape.

Lotor underestimated them.

Or maybe he overestimated himself.

But in truth he mostly had no idea what one extremely pissed off green paladin was capable of; and Pidge was capable of a lot of great things.

Their natural reaction to anger was extreme brainstorm and no less intense work; they were a person of action and, as it was revealed just now, were in the action from the first tic of Lance's capture.

They were searching, breaking into multiple systems, in fear of loosing a trail; just as they had no trail of their brother to follow.

 _It cannot not be repeated_ , they promised themselves. _There is no way the same shit what happened to Matt and dad will happen to Lance. I will not allow it_.

So they worked and worked, ignoring any call of their body and biology itself.

_Who needs sleep then your friend is suffering anyway._

So team had some plan.

They had plan and they had place Lance was held in, and they had schemes and maps and everything Pidge could provide. They were ready to act.

Keith and Hunk were going to break in; mostly because there was no possible way to stop these two from running into the front line of danger in a mere hope of finding Lance. Shiro was going to give them air - space? - support from his lion, waiting near Galra ship to ensure an escape will go just as planned, and Pidge was going coordinate and provide boys with technical support.

And Allura stayed in the Castle despite her deepest protests.

"It's too personal for you," Shiro tried to reason with her. "We can't allow even a chance of you acting out on your impulses and sacrificing yourself for your brother's safety. Allura, I understand your pain and need to act, but we- _I_ can't." He looked princess deep in the eyes."Please, trust me."

Allura looked back at him, hesitant, almost shaking with energy; rage, worry, pain and despair mixed altogether.

"...I trust you," she finally sighed. "I trust you with my little brother's life: please, don't fail me."

* * *

"Something is wrong," Pidge said. "Their security system is out of commission. This looks utterly suspicious."

"Could it be a trap?" Shiro asked, worried.

Pidge hummed. "Maybe," they said. "But it looks more like outside interference."

"You mean _someone else_ is breaking in?" Hunk exclaimed.

"Possibly. Whoever messes with galra system clearly knows what they are doing; they did not simply turn it off, alerting guards, but are mimicking some of the processes while infiltrating, slowly changing work of a system and blacking out some segments, or altering it to seemingly correct but actually deeply fake version. It's like they're blinding the whole facility without even getting a single person to notice: it's brilliant and terrifying at the same time."

"Any idea who they might be?"

"None. But it's clearly not galra: not the Lotor's guys at least."

"Let's proceed with extra caution," Shiro decided. "Whoever they are, they gave us unexpected advantage; but let's not forget about possibility of it turning wrong and unknown infiltrator being not a friend of ours."

"Honestly," Hunk hummed. "I think whoever is an enemy of Galra Empire _is_ probably a friend of ours"

* * *

 

"Hacker voice: I'm in."

"Did you just say it aloud?"

"I did. I'm bored; this helpful stranger leaves me with practically no work to do."

"We're literally breaking into the prison our friend is being held in!" Keith resented. "And you have said it yourself: they are keeping him in some extremely secured sell!"

"Especially Lance-created, I'd say," Pidge agreed. "The one I _can't possibly unlock_ from the distance, so you'll have to break locks yourselves. It won't be pretty, but work will get done and, with all cameras malfunctioning, the mess you'll make won't actually be that big of a deal."

"Is this unknown infiltrator still infiltrating?"

"Yeah, and I can't see a shit: they manage to exchange camera images so what it looks like nothing special happens. It's some kind of jeweler's work, I must admit. No alarm triggered, no security camera caught a single thing; we have no idea what actually is happening inside right now."

"Let's hurry up and be ready for anything."

* * *

 

In the middle of their breaking the lock of especially highly guarded sell a familiar voice called from behind.

"Um," person, sounding suspiciously alike to Lance said. "It's not my place to ask, but what are you doing?"

Never before paladins turned around so fast. It was indeed Lance or at least someone looking extremely alike to him; the main paladin suit being taken off, leaving black underwear one at the sight, torn apart in places, with some bruises showing and torso of the cloth being soaked in blood.

"Lance?" Keith asked, quite uncertain.

"Keith," Lance responded, smiling weakly. "I really hope you're not some galra-induced hallucination, I've had enough of these for a lifetime."

"Weren't you supposed to be...in there?" Red paladin gestured to camera's door in rather awkward movement.

"I had a private time with some druid," Lance winced. "Lotor ordered him to obtain as much useful information from my mind as possible."

"Then...What are you doing here?"

"How does it look like to you? Making a promenade walk around Lotor's property while I can," exhausted from torture boy finally snapped. "I'm escaping, or more like trying to!"

"You're escaping in the wrong direction," another distinctly familiar voice came into the picture as well. "Exit is _that_ way."

And then more people appeared.

“Wait, Nyma? Rolo?!" Hunk cried in disbelief. "What are you doing here?"

“We’re rescuing Lance,” Rolo stated plainly.

“So are we!”

"No one is rescuing Lance but Lance," tired prisoner cut in. "You space thieves reached to me only after I've fought a druid, a guard and run away from another!"

"We knocked off this one!" Rolo resented.

"I bet only to steal all in his possession."

"Um, _rude_? We came to save you and this is what we get in return?" Nyma pouted. "Matt never treated us that way!"

"Well, things will stay this way only until you steal some- Wait, _Matt?_ Who's Matt, does he look human?"

"Oh, now I look mostly tired," another voice came from all comms unexpectedly. "Honestly, can you hurry the fuck up? I can't block galra security forever."

"So this is who have been messing with security before I even got a hold on it!" Pidge exclaimed. "Matt! Shiro, it's _Matt!_ "

"Wha- _Katie?!_ What are you doing in space?! And what about-"

“Matt?”

“Shiro?!”

"Donkey," Lance deadpanned. "I'm happy the one tech genius these guys stole for themselves is actually our Matt, but can we, maybe, cut off the screaming and keep running out of the prison, because I'm a little bit done with Lotor's hospitality!"

"Right, guys, get out of there, all of you!"

"Are Rolo and Nyma included?" Hunk asked, eyeing said aliens with unfriendly gaze.

"I'm afraid so."

* * *

"Whoa, Hunk, what are you-" Lance cried, as he was grabbed by his friend and immediately wrapped into a hold what nothing could break, yet gentle to the boy's beaten up body at the same time. "I can walk myself! Seriously, just put me down, I can fight too!"

"Don't listen to him," Keith argued, gritting teeth and looking extremely determined. "Keep him safe I'll get rid of disturbance."

"Wait, wha- Kei- Oh my god," the boy signed. "I swear I'm fine, let me down!"

"No can go," Hunk refused. "You stay here and don't get into more trouble, then we get to safety, put you in a pod again, then you come back fully healed and rested and we will have a talk. The serious one."

"Suddenly getting back to Lotor's mercy doesn't sound too bad," Lance joked weakly.

"Don't- Don't you even," Hunk hugged him closer, moving fast forward, as Keith was "cleaning" the way, practically getting to soldiers before they even notice.

He was as if in the berserk mood, in a fierce murderous fury, fighting with his Bayard in the right hand and helping himself with blade of Marmora in the left one.

Lance strongly disapproved of such neglect of a shield, but something made him think what telling that to Keith right now wasn't the best choice ever. Maybe it was a common sense.

"Don't even joke about it," Hunk finished his line of thought. "Ever."

"Dude," Lance complained. "You know joking is how I cope. And Lotor is just the same bag of dicks as I remember him to be, if not worse; a lot of things to cope with!"

"We're talking about _this_ too," Hunk promised. "About your connection to Allura, and how desperate she grew then realized who exactly is in Lotor's hands."

"Please, no," Lance asked. "Can we just forget this whole ordeal?"

"Not going to happen."

"Why does it feels like there are at least three lectures waiting for me?" blue paladin signed exaggeratedly.

"Because we care about you."

* * *

At the exit Rolo and Nyma made an attempt to escape.

To escape the escaping.

To get separated from paladins and run their way.

"Hold the fuck up," Keith demanded. _Oh yes, please, hold me,_ Lance thought. "Where the hell you two are going?"

They exchanged looks.

"We have our ship waiting for us," Nyma informed him unhelpfully.

"And?"

"We have our ship hidden near the prison, waiting for us, piloted by Matt."

"Matt?" Keith called into nothingness, hoping man could hear him. "Can we trust you?"

"The hell- _Of course_ you can trust him!" Pidge declared. "The question is: _where the fuck_ is the ship, I can't see it? Not even with extra scanner. Matt, _you fucker_ , where are you?!"

"I might have improved some cloaking technology ship has for sneaking," said person admitted.

"Improved my ass, more like perfected. Where is your lanky butt?!"

"Oh yes, because discussing it in a possibly not enough secured channel near galra base is _such a clever thing_ to do," Holt snorted. "Don't worry, tiny, I'll send you coordinates for the meeting; make sure to be there in time. And bring Rolo and Nyma with you; I'll still have some use of them."

"Excuse me?" Nyma demanded, offended." You're escaping on _our_ ship, leaving _us_ behind?"

"Doesn’t feel nice, does it?" Lance asked in the way too sweet voice.

"Oh, chill," Matt's response came. "I need to get all prisoners we've freed to the base or at least out of there. I'll meet you at the sent to Katie destination later."

And then transmission went off.

"Ladies and gentleman," Shiro murmured, half annoyed half in awe. "Matt Holt at his finest."

* * *

"Wait," Lance argued. "Don't put me into pod right away, I want to meet Matt!"

"You're bleeding," Keith noticed. "From multiple places. My hands are literally covered in your blood; I sight I won’t be able to get rid of for a long time. _No._ "

"But I'm fine!"

"Your definition of fine lies far away from the correct one."

"But Matt-"

" _Lance_ ," Keith got closer to boy's face, cupping his cheek softly and looking straight into his eyes with burning passion. " _Get. The fuck. Into the pod._ "

* * *

After the team with addition of two familiar to everyone aliens returned to the board of the Caste ship, Allura made sure to leave immediately, not giving galra any chance to recover.

After she made the last commands, princess hurried to the cryopod room: fast as the wind, making two steps at once; and yet she was late anyway. To the moment she arrived to room Lance was already put into a healing pod, deep into stasis sleep, looking peaceful under the thick layer of a glass.

“How is he?” princess asked, approaching.

Coran stopped the monitoring process, frowning. “Damaged,” he admitted. “Exhausted, tortured. Multiple small open wounds and several especially bad bruises, deep cut on the abdomen area; quintessence frostbit on some essential parts of the body. Besides that, his quintessence level is dangerously low. I suspect boy used some of his abilities to break out: Hunk said he was already on his way out then they have found him.”

“But he’ll get through this,” she did not ask, but tried to convince both of them.

“I believe so,” Coran admitted.”Lance is a strong boy.”

“Ancel.”

“What?”

“His name,” Allura looked at her adviser, full of determination. “Is Ancel.”

“That is for the boy to decide,” said man hummed. “But no matter, how we’re going to call him, he’ll stay just the same.”

“My brother,” princess frowned.

“Yes.”

“You…don’t look especially surprised by the revelation.” Allura noticed.

“He night have confided in me at his worst,” Coran admitted. “But don’t judge him too hard, my dear. You know he places a lot of admiration in everything you do: perhaps a child was just scared of your possible reaction?”

“What reaction?” Allura demanded. “He is alive and this is all what matters! What he could possibly be afraid of?”

“Well, you know Ancel,” Coran hummed. “Perhaps, he was blaming himself for all what happened.”

“We’re going to have a long talk then we wakes up,” princess promised. “I’ll…stay here for some more time, if you don’t mind?"

* * *

The place of meeting, located by Matt was actually a lonely asteroid not so far away.

“I don’t see any ship,” Keith noted, looking around. “Of course you don’t, Matt’s using invisible cloak!”

“Are we _absolutely sure_ it’s the Matt we need? Could it be a pretender?”

“And how you can be sure Shiro is _our_ Shiro?”

“ _What the hell_ it even supposed to mean?”

“Keith, first he fell from the sky and got into hands of the Garrison; and he changed, his hair whitened, his hand was lost and galra prophetic took its place. Then he got lost and we’ve found him in _another reality._ And  _both times_ you had no doubt about who he is, you hadn’t questioned his identity even once. Why?”

“You think I won’t recognize my own brother?” Keith raised a voice; Pidge looked him deep in the eyes.

“ _Exactly_ ,” they said. “Matt is my brother and I’d recognize him anywhere. _It’s him._ ”

* * *

 

 “Checking up,” Matt’s voice appeared in their comms once again. “Kit-kat, you’re still there?”

“You bet I am,” Pidge said. “And stop with these nicknames already, you’re embarrassing me.”

“ _Please_ , my whole life's purpose is to embarrass you! Okay, where are you?”

“Big flying lions.”

“Wha-…You’re kidding me, right? Are these- Wow. How do they work? Did you get to their insides? Just- It’s amazing! Do they work on electrical power core or-“

“Quinessence.”

“You mean this weird space magic? Neat! Can I get to look at one of them? Closely, I mean. Very closely. Ideally from the inside?”

“Well, I don’t mind, but we need to ask Allura and lion themselves: they’re sentient and we had one bad cause of lion being stolen because _someone_ -“

“ _Someone_ can’t hear you, he’s in a pod, remember?”

“So what’s the story?”

“Oh,” Hunk hummed. “You see, your new alien friends once stole one of our sentient lions.”

“Won’t it be kidnapping if they’re sentient? Also geez, sentient space robots; I have to get into one of them!”

“But seriously, how do you just jump right into our comms? I’m pretty sure our channel is Voltron-only.”

“Not telling you all of my secrets, sorry, kid.”

“Matt, I swear to god, stop calling me names!”

“Kiddo.”

“Matt.”

“Kitty.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Baby Cat.”

“ _I’ll end you._ ”

* * *

Despite their worst promises, Pidge in fact had not killed Matt.

The moment lions carefully landed on the safe place of the asteroid and another, familiar to the team ship appeared out of nothing and landed near them; Pidge was first to jump out their lion and sprint towards the ship, leaving others behind.

They reached it just in time for airlock to open to reveal someone in the resistance ragged clothes and a helm, protecting them from unfriendly air around the asteroid. However, Pidge needed very little of proof of person’s identity, as they practically launched themselves into the person, making them to step back and hit the ship wall behind.

“Hey!” Nyma cried from behind. “Don’t damage our ship!”

Pidge honestly had zero fucks about thieves’ ship, they were hugging Matt with all force they could master, a practically pinned to the ship guy hugging them back.

“Easy there,” Matt said. “You don’t actually want to kill me, do you?”

“You fucking bet,” Pidge whispered, but their voice sounded strained and was interrupted with hiccups and sobs. “I want to. You asshole…Leaving me behind…getting freaking disappeared in the space…”

“Okay, I’d love to cry with you more, but we’re both in helmets and that way we’ll just drown in our own tears,” Matt tried. “Hey. Hey, Katie. Seriously, let’s at least go into one of the lions so we could pull these off and embrace each other like normal people?”

“You just want to get into the lion,” Pidge snorted.

“That was my clever plan all along, yes.”

* * *

“Okay, but where the hell is Shiro?” Matt demanded. “I clearly heard him then we were breaking into that facility. I haven’t imagined it, right?”

“He…he stayed back to the ship. I think he’s a little bit nervous to meet you.”

“Oh, _I'll s_ _how him nervous_.”

* * *

Trip back to the Castle was a quick and mostly silent one; Pidge trusting Green to bring them back and spending all the time near Matt, hugging him, or just poking, as if making sure he’s there, asking questions, telling about themselves and hugging again.

There were a lot of hugs and even more sibling bonding back there.

Hunk and Keith, the ones who accompanied Pidge to the point of meeting Matt, made sure to give Holt some private time, silently flying back to Castle as well.

Nyma and Rolo were left behind with their ship, to the silent resentment of both red and yellow paladins, who were convinced what they couldn’t trust them in no possible way.

“Not after they did!” Hunk said.

“Guys, honestly, I know you had a bad start with these two,” Matt intervened. “But they helped me a lot; hell, I would still be somewhere deep in the galra captivity if not them! So please, try at least to tolerate my friends.”

“This is sweet,” Nyma said. “We love you too, Matty boy. See you later; you know where to look for us!”

“Say bye to Beezer!” Matt called. “And hello! And what I’ll be back soon!”

“Yes!” Pidge seconded. “Say “hi” to Beezer from me too!”

And so they parted their ways.

* * *

 “Oh my, would you look at this,” Matt hummed, as lions were landing back in the Castle. “Seems like someone is waiting for us!”

Someone indeed was.

It was Shiro, who was staying not too far away from the landing place, looking at the lions return.

“This is gay,” Pidge said. “Extremely gay.”

“Well, excuse me,” and that was all Matt managed to say before Green fully landed and he hurried to come out.

He paused though, just as left the lion, looking at the man in front of him. Shiro had noticed Matt as well, freezing on the spot, all but searching all over the person in front of him to make sure, to register what he was seeing forever.

“Um,” Matt began. “Hey, Shiro, how are you?”

Shiro opened his mouth to respond, to say something, but closed it back right away, as if in the lack of words. Instead he made several steps forward, reaching his hands to Matt, but hesitated for some reason, movement losing energy and pausing in one yet again place.

Matt raised eyebrows slightly in anticipation.

“And?” he asked. “Is that all? Not even a “hi?” Is that the whole greeting I’ll get from you after the time we haven’t seen each other? Just uncertain look and some outstretched arms? Don’t you want to; I don’t know, come closer and hug me?”

“I’ve,” Shiro’s voice gave a small shiver away. “Hurt you, in the past. I had to do that I had to, but I hurt you and-”

If eye rolling could make a sound, eyes of Matt would make a thunder feel like but a small insignificant noise.

“ _Takashi_ ,” he pushed. “I haven’t seen you for god know how long; I wasn’t even sure if you’re alive or not. So right now you’ll make two more steps forward, put one of your hands on my waist, another – around my shoulders and hug me as you never hugged anyone in your life. _Understood?_ ”

“Yes,” said man exhaled, finally meeting the gaze of his old friend. “I understood.”

“Well then, you have permission to act.”

Shiro still looked quite unsure, not moving, as he kept looking at Matt searchingly and with full of unexpected soft affection look.

“I don’t want to hu-“ he started.

Apparently that was as much as Matt’s nerves could handle, because suddenly he all but sprinted to Shiro, rushing into embrace as if someone who have never been hugged before – false statement, considering what Pidge was wrapping themselves around him just some time ago.

Holt hit the man with full force of undeniable yearning for something: some sight of comfort or affection, or both, or maybe even more. Shiro stiffed for a moment, but it was practically impossible to stay still as Matt’s skillful hands reached practically everywhere, sliding from his shoulders to his waist, to his back, neck, face, shoulders again; ever in a motion, as if exploring once again, remembering once familiar landscape of a body.

His hands made one more exploration cycle, before stopping on Shiro’s head, one hand deep into white strain of a hair and another cupping occiput gently.

“Do you even reach there?” Shiro teased, slowly getting out of his frozen state.

“ _Fuck you_ ,” Matt scowled. “You and your ridiculously unfair height: fuck you both.”

“Well, if that’s what you want,” and he finally returned embrace, resting his hands on a man’s waist lightly, still afraid to hurt, too aware of the pain these hands – especially galra one – can cause to fragile flesh of a body.

“Um,” Hunk said, staying away on some distance. “Speaking of the spring…Are these two like…a thing?”

“Ew,” Pidge winced. “But yeah, they are. Matt had fucking huge crush on Shiro back in their Garrison days, it was painful to watch.”

“So,” Hunk continued. “Does it mean you and Keith are like siblings now?”

Pidge and Keith made an eye contact. “Oh my god!” green paladin screeched, snapping two lovebirds on the background from a love fewer. “ _We are_!”

* * *

“Matt,” Pidge demanded. “I might feel something slightly alike to affection to you,but this is my lab. Put your hands away from my stuff and there they belong.”

Matt immediately slid both of his hands down, and Shiro had to try his hardest to stay as calm as he was supposed to be. Pidge followed their brother’s movement with their eyes.

“ _Not there_!” they screeched. “Put them away from Shiro’s ass!”

“This is there they belong!” he argued.

“Guys, please.” Hunk practically begged. “There are too many of Holts for one small room."

“They started it!” Matt announced, pointing with one of his hands in Pidge’s general direction. Another hand stayed, to quote Matt, “there it belongs”.

“You’re showing this PDA right into my soft, innocent child’s face!”

“You’re fourteen!”

“I am small and fragile baby and I’m telling dad then we’ll find him!”

“Oh yeah? And I’m telling mom!”

“And what will you tell her?”

“Well, first of all I’ll tell her about this time you hacked into government system because you were convinced they were hiding data about alien encounters.”

“They _were hiding_ it!”

“Doesn’t change the fact what you violated the law because you were curious and obsessed with the outer space!”

“ _You_ are obsessed with the outer space!”

“ _Enough!_ ” Shiro interrupted. “We all are obsessed with the space, that’s why we are in the space.”

“Speak for yourself, I was abducted by aliens.”

“Matt.”

“Yeah?”

“ _I was there_.”

* * *

“So, these might be quite some news to you, but your brother is camping in front of that boy’s pod – Lance is his name, I think – you might consider to do something about it.”

“It’s alright; he’s just waiting for Lance to recover.”

“Right…In front of his pod; with this sad lost look on the face?"

"They just started dating not long time ago.”

“Doesn’t explain why Keith looks like someone had kicked him multiple times.”

“Lance has a bad habit of getting hurt; Keith isn’t the biggest fan of this.”

“Can understand _that_. Hey, Shiro? You’re not going to die in near…say, eighty years, do you?”

“Eighty?”

“Plus-minus five years or so.”

“Eighty years is a long lifetime.”

“You’re hurrying up anywhere?”

“I suppose not; not from you.”

“Stop! You're making me feel…things!”

“We’re, in fact, in love.”

“ _Don't say it aloud_!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pidge's voice: this is gay


	20. Cause we got more to give, more to live, more to be. More to who we are than our broken history.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance wakes up. Some of deep heart to heart conversations happen, and details of the long lost past get revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sighs* I had the worst 2 days of my whole 4 years of university. Yesterday proff on exam had headache so she tortured me and I barelly managed to get an A, and today at thesis defence examinator commission was like if they're Cerber's distant relatives and haven't been fed since forever. Ever cried at your defence speech, just barelly holding tears to your place behind the table to not cry in front of >20 ppl? Not. Fun. At. All.  
> I hate university and also life and am very tired. This fic one of my few stress-reliefs and safe places *tries not to sob*
> 
> Lance, a person who always chooses someone else's safety over his: But what if  
> Keith: No

Lance fell out of the cryopod before he managed to open his eyes.

"It has to stop," Keith said.

"I don't know what are you talking about," weird, but when red paladin's embrace started to feel like home? "Hey, Keith, hear me out: I'm homesick for Earth but lovesick for you."

"Stop," Keith groaned, but only held Lance closer. "I'm trying to be mad at you, asshole."

"Don't," Lance asked. "I have the whole ten thousand years late lecture waiting for me as soon as Allura will catch me."

Keith frowned even deeper. "So," he tried. "Is this true? Your...connection to Allura? She called you Ancel."

"Yeah," Lance sighed. "A name I haven't heard in a while. Actually, it's a lie; Coran called me by it not so long ago, but there was a huge break before it. So, like, still counts?"

"And you are-were..?"

"Allura's brother, yeah," Lance made a pitiful effort to hide his face into Keith's neck. "And fucked everything up. I'm-I am sorry for not telling you later; this is what the whole ordeal with Alltree was about. I remembered...after that. About this- Another life. As altean. Prince. So, yeah."

"Hey," Keith patted his head as if Lance was a child and deserved a small praise. "It's fine, you don't have to explain this to me."

"But I want to; I got you into shit plan with Alltree-"

"Shh."

"But-"

"Lance," came out sternly. "Relax, please. You just came out of cryopod and I must say you end up in it too often for anyone's comfort. Rest."

"You sound like you care about me or something."

"I'm in love with you and your tendency to get hurt all goddamn time breaks my heart."

" _Oh._ Sorr-"

"Shhh!"

"But I just want to apolog-"

"Stop apologizing! I forgive you; enough, stop. Just promise to be more careful."

"..."

"Lance?"

"...But what if it will be you or me; Pidge or me? _Anyone_ or me?"

"Choose yourself."

"But-"

" _Choose yourself_. You have died already, that was more than enough. Let others take care of saving everyone and everything at once."

"I don't do _"saving everyone and everything at once."_ "

"Oh, but you d- What are you doing with my neck?"

"Nuzzling it."

"Why?!"

"You smell nice," Lance smiled weakly into the mullet. "I like it. Feels good, feels natural. Feels home-y."

Lance could literally feel Keith blush, his neck warming up.

"This is great," he commented. "I wonder how long will it take for you to stop blushing at every single of my earnest comments."

"Shut it, you! Stop nuzzling me, weirdo."

"You will never admit it, but you actually like it."

"I am not!" Lance inhaled slowly, tickling sensitive skin of Keith's neck and felt him hold a breath. He smiled.

"I'm still not used to it," Keith admitted. "How open you are with showing your affection."

"I've always been like this."

"Yes, but not...not with me. It's honestly addicting." Keith wrapped his hands around Lance's waist even tighter. "How do you feel? Maybe I shouldn't squeeze you so much?"

"Squeeze me all you want," Lance breathed out, getting a hold on Keith's neck once again and planting light kisses on it. "I love it."

"Stop! It tickles!"

"Oh, so I'm not allowed to kiss my boyfriend now?"

"I didn't-"

"Everywhere."

"What."

" _All the time._ "

"Stop."

"You don't actually want me to stop, do you?"

"...No. This is nice; you...are nice. You make me feel...good. Safe, warm and secure, like..."

"Home?"

"...Yes. And this exactly makes me uneasy. You make me lower my defenses and relax without even trying, and it's scary."

"Why is that?"

"Because the last time I let my guard down my brother was announced to be dead. Because of the "pilot mistake"- bullshit, Shiro doesn't make pilot mistakes; he would be flawless if not for his awful taste of music and gloomy humor. Honestly, sometimes his humor is darker than his lion, and his lion is _black_."

"Well, galra captivity does this to you."

"He was like this before too; Matt once brought him t-shirt with "In dog years I'm dead” print as a joke and he actually wore it to Iverson's exam."

"You are kidding!"

"I'm _dead_ serious; Matt got five points taken from him because he laughed aloud."

"And how did Iverson let it go?!"

"Well, he couldn't actually _do_ anything, as Shiro hasn't broken any of rules; apparently Garrison policy allowed students to wear casual to lecture classes."

"I didn't even know that!"

"Neither do I, this part of rules got forgotten as it was highly discouraged in the past; but officially you can come to exam in the casual outfit. Even if it's "In dog years I'm dead" t-shirt."

"I didn't think I could admire Shiro more, and yet-"

" _But_ point is what life taught me to not let my guard down. And you make me do it - let my guard down. I feel...too safe. It's scary."

"Keith," Lance raised his head to look at his boy. "You're not breaking up with me, are you?"

"What- No! Why would I even- I can hardly," Keith stumbled over his words and grew quiet. "Shiro told me to be more honest; to try to, at least. So this is me, trying. I'm," he gulped. " _I am_ very scared. You get hurt and you get hurt again and there is nothing I can do and you were tortured and druid tried to search into your mind and- I don't want to lose you. I care about you too much; it _hurts_."

Lance at the loss of words did the only thing he could think of; he slowly lowered them both to the ground, still holding Keith in embrace, letting the boy to lean on him.

"Keith," he asked. "Look at me, please." Red paladin obliged. "I'm here; I'm safe and not going anywhere from you. I am fine, and so do you, and so are we. I can't promise what I won't get hurt anymore; we're at war and such promise would be straight up lie. But I'll...try not to die. Been there, done that; that shit hurts like hell and I'd rather not repeat an experience. We're going to survive and we're going to do it together. Deal?"

Keith hummed softly, smiling and leaning in the touch. "Deal," he agreed quietly.

* * *

 

Lance entered room the only way he could: loud and with a meme.

"Here comes dat boi," he proclaimed as the door slid open.

"Oh shit waddup," Pidge deadpanned, not even looking away from the screen.

"Rude," he landed near them at the couch. "I feel neglected."

"Neglect _this_ ," green paladin demanded, showing a fist right into Lance's face.

"Um," he commented. "It's your tiny bird hand in a weak attempt of a fist. Why?"

"This tiny bird hand is going to hit you and hit you hard," Pidge promised.

"You're threatening me. Keith, _Pidge is threatening me_!" he felt obliged to share.

"You probably deserved it."

"How dare- That's not what you was saying just a moment-"

"No more flirting in this room, thank you very much; Matt and Shiro just stopped making heart eyes to each other."

"Wow, Matt _and_ Shiro? Are they a thing; how much did I miss?"

"Not much, if you ask me. We found Matt, or rather he _let us_ find him. I cried, Matt cried, Hunk cried too; I've heard through the comms. Shiro didn't cry; he froze in one place while Matt was inspecting his body with his hands - shamelessly, in the public! Everything went just as expected."

"Not for everyone; I thought Shiro had a thing for Allura?"

"Oh yeah, he does; it's really fucking obvious. He's poly."

"Well, that would explain it. So," Lance suddenly got an extremely conspiratorial expression growing on his face. "If Shiro will end up with Allura and he also is dating Matt, then we'd be siblings in law or something!"

"Somehow it sounds like a threat, _your highness_. Also, Allura said for you to come find you as you wake up."

“Oh no,” Lance groaned. “She’s going to ground me again, isn’t she?”

* * *

She was waiting for him in the observatory deck.

Lance didn’t have to look for her for too long; somehow he knew where to find Allura. It was his favorite place as a child.

As a child he always ended up here, waiting for his heroic family to return from Voltron’s duties.

Being a son and a brother of Voltron paladins weren’t bad. In fact, it was rather exciting, aside from one thing; that meant the kind and crown princess had even more duties to fulfill. And the more duties they had to fulfill – the lesser time they had left to spend at their wish, fewer opportunities to spend time just their family.

Not what Ancel complained – ever – but sometimes being a second child of a king and paladin was a lonely being. He was younger than Allura, too little to be able to fight or even try to become paladin on his own then the lions were just created, he practically hasn’t remembered mother as well. So he stayed in a Castle, which wasn’t such a bad option; Castle was a spaceship as well and often made some travels around the outer space, accompanying the Voltron. But launching and landing Castle back to its place on Altea all the damn time wasn’t the easiest of things to do, not the most useful as well.

So sometimes Castle, and prince inside, stayed back on the planet, and Ancel ended up in observatory, waiting for the lions to return.

Looking at the distant stars, dreaming one day to join heroes of his childhood.

Be wary of your wishes, people used to say.

As a human child from Earth he dreamed about almost the same, ironically.

Lance always looked up to the stars, longing for a moment then he'll get to them. He thought he remembered wishing to be a star; but as time came, and he grew older, dreams got more realistic, and then he was dreaming about outer space.

And he got to reach the distant stars; he was in space now, far away from Earth, so far it tore his heart apart.

So yeah, totally not worth it; he would like to unwish, to go home, maybe become marine scientist or sailor.

Not a space hero. Because thing was, Lance kind of dreamed of being a hero just as Ancel did, then he was much younger and more naive.

And Lance hasn't known yet what stars he saw in the sky every night are long dead.

Distance does this to you; it kills.

Slowly, tentatively at first, growing more eager with every bite it takes, until you're all but consumed by it whole.

* * *

“Why haven’t you told me?” It didn’t sound like a question, not at all. It was a demand, full of hurt and sorrow. “Why haven’t you told me it’s you? All this time I was grieving, thinking I have lost everything, thinking what you were dead-“

“I _was_ dead!”

“And yet it’s still you! You’re Ancel; _my little brother_ , beloved son of kind Alfor, prince of Altea. It’s you.”

“It doesn’t change anything. I’ve died and I haven’t even remembered anything till not so lately. _I have died_ , Allura, and it hurt a whole quiznacking lot, and I was born again, and I have family what’s waiting for me at home, a planet what wasn’t destroyed yet. I have home and I have my place in this world and remembering past was too painful. I didn’t want to know this all. What did it give me? Nothing but pain, sorrow, realization of how much I’ve fucked up a life before. ”

“You haven’t fucked up anything yet,” a hesitant pause came after then.”Nor anyone, I presume.”

Lance felt his cheeks catching a heat. “This really isn’t the right time to discuss my personal affairs. Also how do you imagine it; me, telling you the truth? _“Hi princess, I know I’ve annoyed you from the first seconds we’ve known each other, bothering you with unwanted flirting and accidentally Skywalking myself into freaking star wars trope; but I just wanted you to know what I’m in truth your long lost-dead brother. Please believe me, I’m not mad. I think. Not like I can prove anything, I just started to understand it all not so long ago.”_ Like this? And would it gave you, sorrow and pain you didn’t need, another thing to worry about, another responsibility to take? I didn’t want to bother you.”

“You’re my brother. I know you are another person now, from another species and have another family, but _it’s still you_. I _know_ it, sensed even before I could say what this feeling was. You’re my family and whatever brought you back has my gratitude.”

“Well, it sure doesn’t have mine. Can you imagine how much it sucks? As I child I looked at the sky, counting stars and dreaming: "One day I’m coming there, I’ll travel and explore the space, and I’ll have real hero adventures".

And here I am, in the space, at the middle of real hero adventures, but it’s just not right! It’s too much for me, I can’t handle all this!

I’m not as great as Keith with his cool flying and kickass moves, I’m not as stoic and responsible as Shiro, not to mention all leadership stuff and what he was a hell of cool before he even went to space. I’m not as kind, talented and clever as Hunk, and sure as hell not a mega-genius as Pidge or even as their cyber hacker hero brother Matt. I don’t know as much as Coran and you, and can’t actually fight that good. All I can do is piloting Blue, and knowing her gentle nature, I bet anyone could do it.

So I think, I’m useless and replaceable and don’t have my thing, this is not my place to be, right? But at least I can hope what one day I’ll come home. I can dream about being yet again just a teenage boy from Cuba and leaving all space hero stuff for professionals. Sure, I want to help, but it really seems like it’s not mine battle to take.

And then, out of nowhere I start having these really creepy dreams and all these cryptic feelings of familiarity and déjà vu and SUDDENLY it appears what it’s very much _my_ battle as well as _my_ war, _my_ mistake and _my_ responsibility. And now I can’t actually just float away, leaving things “for professionals”, because suddenly this whole space ordeal is very much _my business_ , and I’m not just Lance anymore, but a prince of a dead empire as well, with everyone he knew long gone or fighting alongside with me or destroying and conquering universe. Do you think I’d be grateful for this?!”

“Ancel, listen, I know you-“

“Don’t you "Ancel" me, Allura! You really don’t get it; it was _my entire_ fault! _If only I_ haven’t put so much trust in Zarkon… _If only_ I haven’t tried to jump higher than my head to achieve something worth of notice! If I could only put my selfish ambitions aside! I’ve always, always lived in a shadow of your and father’s greatness. And sure, I love you both, but you were just so perfect, ideal leaders and ideal warriors. I was like a stain on a family tree compared to that.”

“Nonsense!”

"Oh, yeah? Then why every time I ever tried to do something yourself one of you gently pushed me aside? Like I wasn’t able to do it, like I wasn’t capable. All wanted, all I ever tried to achieve is to be equal to you! Not the weakest one billion steps behind. _Equal!_ I was paladin of Voltron as well!”

“All we ever tried to do was to protect you!”

“Quiznak, I know that! But I wasn’t a kid anymore and I didn’t need your protection, I was supposed to be the protector. I was a pilot of the Blue lion; I was a part of Voltron as well! I couldn’t bear to stay behind, watching you and father fight. I couldn’t bear to the one always put aside, always shielded! What’s wrong with wishing to be strong? All I wanted is to be useful asset for the team! And yes, I wasn’t a natural fighter like you, but I thought…If I’ll try hard enough, if I’ll just gave all I’ve got, maybe I could become something. Not just a child of kind Alfor, brother of princess Allura, but someone besides my title! But you didn’t listen, you just couldn’t let me even try! Every time I tried to lead the fight, father pushed forward and I was left behind yet again. Every time I was trying to fight my own battle I was shielded – either by him or you! How was I supposed to learn and improve if you’ve always held me safe far away from the action? And I know, oh I’m painfully aware of all flaws Zarkon had – still has – but at least…At least he actually listened to what I had to say! He saw me as his teammate and helped me train and pursue my own battling style. I knew I was the weakest of you all and he didn’t deny it, but he said what I could learn. What I could use my brain and turn my enemies’ strength to my advantage; and maybe you think these were dirty tricks, but what else I was supposed to do?! Literally all I was capable in was manipulation of quintessence and Zarkon taught me how to put it in use, he said: “You’re no warrior, but you can be a druid instead.” And I tried and learned and it worked, and everything would be great if only-“

“If only what?”

“If he hasn’t killed me. He _killed me_ , Allura. With his Bayard. Just…stabbed me with a sword, even turned it inside my abdomen to cause more damage, and I still can’t decide if it was a sign of final respect of just an easy way to finish me off faster! You know this thing with galran warriors where they have swords with several blades held together? So then they hit their target and twist it, edges of blades tear insides of a victim apart? Yeah, that. That hurt a hellish lot, Allura. It hurt and I didn’t know why, he didn’t say, just stabbed me and left to bleed. I trusted him. We all trusted him! I just… _Why?_ What he was trying to achieve, still trying? Was it worth it?

And it’s not like I can march straight into his ship and demand: Lord Zarkon, as the paladin of Voltron and second child of King of Altea, I order you to answer: why have you done what you have done? Why have you turned against your teammates and created genocide of the whole altean nation? And, you know, I don’t think his reasons really matter in the end. Because they really don’t. For whatever reason, but we were betrayed; Altea was destroyed, all these people, children, elders, all these innocent lives! And it hasn’t stopped on Altea…Ten thousand years after; and half of the known universe is conquered by his empire, races subjected and killed, people oppressed, imprisoned and tortured. So it doesn’t matter why.” Lance stopped, breathing heavily, feeling tired after a rush of a speech.

“Father had to be so mad at me then I died.” He said with sorrow.

“He was mad, but not at you. I think with time he actually grew jealous of how close Zarkon and you were before everything; father felt like he was stealing you away, taking parental place in your heart. At the same time he got mad every time Zarkon pushed you into danger, so he interfered, tried to shield you, to protect. And you got mad at him for it, thinking what he doesn’t trust you, what he doesn’t think you’re strong enough. And I…I watched as you fought, as you floated apart, separated by mutual misunderstanding. I tried to calm things down, to reconcile two of you, but you just weren’t letting me. Father shut himself down and you got angry and tried to push me away and spent more and more time with Zarkon, training and learning things father considered too dangerous and twisted for your own good. And then you died, and everything fall apart. We lost two pilots at the same moment; father practically lost his mind with grief. In retrospect, I should have expected him hiding me away from the danger. After he lost you, a simple thought of loosing me as well must have sent him in terror. Truth to be told, I don’t think he cared that much about the peace and protecting of universe in the end. It looked more like all he tried to achieve was to protect me and avenge your death. Father was proud of you, he never thought of you as weak. He blamed yourself for your death.”

“I…I didn’t know that.” and the gates were finally open. Overfilled with feelings, Lance couldn’t stop revealing himself fully, deeply, to the bones. Overflow of emotions rushed down of his face, salt touching lips, sign loosing precision. “I didn’t know and I’m so…So sorry!” A strong, yet gentle pair of hands touched his shoulders, pushing to the warm and familiar embrace. Home.

“Don’t be”, she wasn’t far away from him, eyes clouded with tears, bottom lip shaking. “Don’t, as it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t your fault at all and I’m so sorry you had to experience all this. I can’t imagine how dying must feel, nor how much Zarkon’s betrayal shook you up. To think about how loyal you were to him, you trusted him with your life!”

Lance smiled grimly. “And look just how it served me in the end.”

“Don’t,” Allura pushed, raising her voice up. “There is nothing wrong or shameful in trusting tour teammate and your leader. He is to blame for betraying all what Voltron stays for, not you for putting your trust in the man who was one of your father’s closest allies and friends and whom you had known for your whole life. To think about it, the fact what Zarkon saw you growing up makes it so much worse; it made your death not only betrayal from his side, but also a murder of a child who looked up at him. It’s odious.”

“You’re calling me a child again.”

“You are forever a child for me,” Lance once again was buried into soft cloud of Allura’s hair, smelling like fresh wind and altean shampoo with a scent of juniberries.

It was so familiar Lance wondered how he could possibly not realize it before; how close and important princess was to him, how strong is the connection between two of them.

Or rather he _had_ noticed it, but brushed it off as an attraction to hot alien princess, just as he tried to cover his obvious crush on Keith and jealousy under layers and layers of hatred and despise.

Lance had it strong in the self-lying department.

However, he wasn’t the only one getting all comfortable in the warmth of Allura’s glorious hair; several distressed squeaks alerted him about other inhabitants.

“They’re still nesting in your hair,” he laughed weakly, reaching for mice. They climbed on his hand willingly, changing disturbed noises to excited, as soon as they realized who was in front of them. “Oh look, they recognize me.”

“I think they were the first of us to do so,” Allura smiled in return. “Must have felt something familiar in your pretense, distant familiarity. Maybe sensed the same quintessence.”

“Are you telling me our mice are little space mages too? Can we use them as spies against Lotor and Company?”

“Don’t get them into this,” his sister frowned. “They’re very small and fragile, and Lotor is an evil who won’t hesitate to harm them in every way possible.”

“I’m joking, joking!” Lance waved his hands in anticipation, almost forgetting about two of mice already sitting on one of them. Mice squeaked again, disturbed and a little bit offended of such earth shake of a kind. "No space spies’ mice, got it!”

Allura cupped his face in her hands. “We still have a lot to discuss,” she promised.

Lance smirked. “Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beginning of the fic:this is gay pt.2  
> Second part of the fic: crying as a sibling bonding exercise


	21. Not a chapter; info update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just an author's note with apologies for disappearing for weeks and some explanation stuff.

Guys, just wanted to let you all know what I'm not dead (although university tries), just in a writer's block.

Sorry for this :c

Good news No 1 - I've finally got myself a beta: Meg is super nice and literally my salvation. Edited version of a chapters will appear somewhere in the future :3

Good news No 2: Chapter 2 is somewhat half-done (screw you, writers block). Though it will be firstly thrown at Meg so she'd cry over my poor grammar first, so yeah, it'll take time too.

Somewhat neutral news: the story itself is almost finished. I've never planned it to be THAT big, but monstrosity of inspiration pushed ahead, and here we are.

The original plot was:

a)Ancel-related stuff with slow build and reveal;

b) universe-traveling with finding ~~Nemo~~ Takashi Shirogane in the flesh, following finding of Matt and establishment of Shalluratt (what will be further developed in the next/last chapters);

c) Klance, and here, I think, we have a success already.

d) As a sublot, the "showtime" for other characters: Hunk, Pidge and Coran Especially Hunk and Coran, as Hunk was just as ignored in season 2 as Lance and practically belittled to fat jokes (@voltron writers fight me) and Coran is underappreciated as well.

So yeah, 2-3 chapters and it'll end: sorry, intergalactic war is a huge business and will need a 100k fic for itself, so this plotline will stay unresolved. Anyway, again, sorry for the delay and thank you for sticking up with me through this mess.

Love y'all! <3

P.S. Oh, and good news No 3 (???maybe???) I have other fic ideas to write (strongly Lance-centric, sappily klance) and some of them are even half-written already. So, with Meg's help they might be published soon. They won't be THAT big as this fic is, 5-15k maybe, but if you enjoy my writing, you might be glad to hear I'll stick to writing my favorite space boy :3


	22. That night, we stared in wonder. The black sky turned technicolor.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allura and Shiro walk in circles around each other, unable to settle the confusion; and it's up for the team to help them out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: *doesn’t know how to fill parts between the moments I see*  
> Me: TIME SKIPS
> 
> Also Meghan, I will die for you

"We need to write it down as a bonding exercise," Lance said. "Crying and hugging. I mean, it works?"

Allura simply rolled her eyes.

* * *

Time flew by.

"Okay, but honestly," Hunk raised an eyebrow, looking both confused and disappointed at the same time. Whoever made Hunk question them had made a grave mistake. "What the heck is going on between Shiro and the princess lately? You wouldn't  find two people getting along so well before, and now barely have them interact and then when they do, it's rather...awkward? What's going on; Keith, Lance?"

"Hey, why are you asking us?"

"Both of you are related to one of mentioned people, I'd expect you to have a better picture on that then we all."

"Well, I do know what's going on-" Lance started.

"Shiro is awkward," Keith said at the same time. They exchanged conspiracy looks.

"Is this a love drama?" Pidge asked. "Because Matt is here and he and Shiro are obviously dating and Allura thought she and Shiro had something, but suddenly a wild Matt appears and she has no idea Shiro is polyromantic."

"Wow. Yeah, it pretty much sums it; you figured it all so easy."

"I'm aroace, not blind," Pidge snorted. "Also Shiro might have been crying Matt's ears off about how ‘wonderful,  and mesmerizing woman’ Allura is and worrying over her not accepting him being polyamorous and thinking he's a hoe."

"That all just sums under ‘awkward’ definition."

"I'd say hopeless. Why does this man leads us again?"

"Because he's a born leader always in control of everything and you freaking hero worship him?"

"Ooh, Keith  _ someone _ sounds bitter!"

"I'm not."

"Bitter as the darkest of chocolate, salty as the Dead Sea!"

"Hunk, not you too!"

"Okay, first of all; Keith, your brother is super cool but I'm dating you, you don't need to feel jealous-"

"I DO NOT-"

"Sure thing, Jan."

"Who let the goblin speak?"

"This goblin is your sibling now; hasn't Shiro taught you to be nice to your younger?"

"Mcfu-"

"Shush, both of you, let me finish! What are we going to do with awkward romance?"

"Wait, why would we need to do anything?'

"Um, because they're helpless and won't solve it without our help?"

"Just say you want to play matchmaker."

"I want my sister to be happy, not jolt behind a column every time Shiro walks by because she's crushing on him and thinks it's unrequited."

"Yeah, and Shiro is just really bad at confessing or getting confessed to. Remember then Matt confessed to him?"

"Oh my god," Pidge laughed. "I saw it on the security camera tapes; Shiro thanked him and then fell off the stairs."

"What a loser."

"Keith, we're talking about your brother."

"I'm the coolest one in that duo."

"Babe, I love you, but you're wrong."

"Are you sure you're not dating me because I'm Takashi Shirogane's brother?"

"No, I'm dating you because I've spent a whole year hypnotized by your dumb mullet-"

"Here we go again."

"-And trying to talk with you all the time despite the fact what you clearly ignored my single existence and couldn't be less interested. And then you dropped out and I've got a place in a fighter class and should have been happy, but literally everything and everyone reminded me of you and you stayed in my mind all goddamn time despite the fact what you weren't even physically present in my life and I had no idea where are you or if you're fine, if you eat enough or have someone to talk to."

You know this dramatic pause, that often used by media to accent the attention on something? Drop dead silence, with everyone just staring at each other and processing what dramatic thing that just happened? That was exactly what happened.

The spaceship was as silent as a giant flying alien machinery can be in outer space. Keith looked at Lance, Lance looked at Keith; Pidge and Hunk watched them both.

And then Pidge started laughing.

"What?" Keith asked weakly.

"What?" Lance deadpanned.

"Wow," Hunk hummed. "Dude, what was intense. 'Hunk, he’s so hot I can’t function near him, I think I’m dying!’ is now officially beaten."

"I'm thriving," Pidge managed, choking on laughter. "This is a time to be alive!"

"Hunk," Lance gasped. "I trusted you!"

"You look red," Keith commented unhelpfully.

"YOU look red!"

Both of them were looking red.

* * *

"So, operation ‘Space parents’ is on?"

"We're not calling them that."

"Whaa-at, why? They are like parents and we are in space!"

"Nope."

"Keith."

"No way."

"Party pooper."

"I hear you. Also I don't think getting into someone's relationships is a good idea."

"C'mon, what can go wrong?"

"Well, for starters we can mess it up, breaking hearts and leaving both of them sad and pitiful for the rest of their lives, and I haven't even counted Matt yet."

"Uh, well, besides that?"

"There are twenty different scenarios how it can go wrong,not to mention what if Allura and Shiro find out, we'll get grounded yet again."

" _ True space parents _ ."

* * *

"I still can hear your conspiracy whispering, just so you know."

"Operation 'Space Parents' is on!"

"And who does that make me?"

"Space uncle, vodka aunt? I don't know, man; these are your relationships, so you're the one to define them."

"Who called for Matt again?"

"No one called for him, he just came," Pidge shrugged. "You get used to it."

"Oh, c'mon, Keithy, you're just upset the majority voted for space parents."

"No one voted for it, you just kept repeating it over and over until we gave up."

"Just look how he didn't comment on ‘Keithy’.

"And how he's trying not to blush."

"Hunk, not you too!"

"Shoo, don't embarrass my boyfrien-, Oh my god, he just got redder; guys, I can't handle this, he's too cute!"

"Stop gaying around and start working! You'd think with a simple plan of ‘lock two people in the same room’ there would be less trouble, and yet-"

* * *

"Where are we going?" Allura asked, squinting her eyes. "Lance, I appreciate your concern for my well-being, but Galra Empire won't defeat itself. I have a lot of work to do; especially after Lotor's new violent crushing tactic. He seemed to take your escape poorly."

"Yeah," Lance sighed. "And innocent lives suffer because of this now."

"Don't blame yourself; Lotor would try to cause innocent worlds and the Resistance as much damage as possible with or without you upsetting him.” Allura put a hand on Lance's shoulder. "Did his druid managed to obtain anything from your mind?"

"Not like I would know," Lance winced. "But I don't think anything I know can be dangerous in his hands; not lethally, at least. Good thing he didn't get his nasty hands on you-"

"We talked about this. And no, I will not allow you to sacrifice yourself in order to protect others anymore."

"You were going to do just the same!"

"Besides the point; but honestly, where are we going?"

"Just one more turn of a corridor and we're there!"

"But you haven't said, where-"

* * *

"Okay," Lance said, as he sneaked into the room where Pidge and Matt were monitoring the castle. "My part of a plan is done; Allura is in the room and I've locked the door from the outside."

"I'd ask you if you felt guilty locking up your own sister," Matt yawned. "But I had to listen to Shiro being miserable over princess for too long for anyone's sanity and this must end. I've almost got a crush on her myself from only his stories!"

"Keith and Shiro are almost there too," Pidge pointed out on one of the screens. "Shiro is still confused, but unsuspecting."

"The fool!"

"You love this fool."

"Touché."

"How's Hunk?"

"Are you kidding? He made everything a long time ago! He served a freaking table with delicious food we can't possibly eat; managed to hide it with a tricky mechanism until both of the lovebirds are in. All I need to do is to click a button to activate the mechanism. Then Hunk will appear and start playing on this space violin."

"Did you guys know he can play violin?"

"Dude, Hunk graduated music school! Wait till you hear him sing: he has the voice of an angel."

"This all reminds me of Lady and the Tramp."

Keith rushed into the room.

"I'm done," he proclaimed.

"That was savage," Pidge, the only one who kept an eye of the screen, said. "You just freaking pushed your own brother inside!"

"He hesitated and I thought he suspected something," Keith explained. "So, I might have panicked a little. But it worked, right?"

Pidge clicked the button, and the soft, gentle music started to play just when the fully served obviously with a romantic purpose table appeared.

"Yep," they admitted. "Both of them are in, let’s start the show."

* * *

Allura and Shiro remained still, exchanging the awkward looks.

"I have a bad feeling about it," Shiro confessed. Out of the sudden, a music started to play. "Very bad feeling."

And then a whole table just appeared out of nowhere; moving from below, as the panel on the floor put aside.

"I was tricked into coming here," Allura agreed, examining the table. "Lance said he needs to show me something."

"Keith said just the same."

"Looks like it was planned all along," Allura hummed, looking everywhere but her unexpected partner in trouble.

"Princess?" Shiro asked, sounding uncertain. "Did I do something wrong; have I upset you?"

"What, no!" the speed with what she answered spoke for itself. "Of course not! You were and are one of the best men I have ever known and one of my closest allies and friends."

"Friends," Shiro hummed. "Am I wrong then I say what you were avoiding me lately?"

Allura was silent for a moment.

"No," she finally said, meeting his eyes. "You're not."

"Will it be," Shiro stumbled for a moment, but quickly recovered, determined. "Will it be foolish of me to guess what it is somehow connected to Matt's unexpected return?"

Princess looked away.

"Allura?" Shiro asked. "Can you look at me, please?"

She deflated.

"I was," the princess began. "Mistakenly convinced that there was something...More than a mutual respect in your relationship and let myself get carried away. My apologies."

"Allura," now it sounded not like a request, but a plea. "Look at me."

Allura raised her head.

Only to be crushed under the force of Shiro's intense gaze, full of something she was too scared to define.

"Allura," he repeated again, as a prayer. "I am sorry for hurting your feeling," She winced. "I am sorry for confusing you and being too scared of rejection to give an explanation. You deserve it, But I will never apologize for loving you; I will never apologize for looking at you like you're the center of the universe and all its shallow copies and forgive me, but I can feel nothing but joy of the thought of you sharing my feelings about you."

"But," princess interfered. "You're with Matt Holt, aren't you?"

"I am," Shiro nodded. "And I love him. And I love you. Have you ever heard about polyamory?"

* * *

"Well," Matt commented, shamelessly observing as two persons on the screen joined into a kiss. "It seemed to work out."

"It looks like they're eating each other faces," Pidge winced. "Can't believe I'm saying it, but maybe it's the time to give them some privacy."

* * *

"My dear beloved," Hunk entered the room. "I hope you're enjoying this fine evening at this great company you have here. May I present you this special meal for two special persons who were connected under the stars of the universe and your humble servant to feel the joy of this romantic date? I see you already started, ahem, a discussion; but every discussion is twice as better with a good meal. Please, take your seats and let me entertain you with this musical composure."

* * *

"Wow, Hunk is really good at this."

"Cooking or playing violin?"

"Is there anything Hunk isn't good at?"

* * *

Next briefing started with princess of Altea eyeing everyone but the black paladin with squinted eyes.

"Don't think we forgot what you did," she warned. "And we're aware of everyone's involvement into it; Coran, stay where you are, you spent suspicious amount of time near me yesterday, almost as if you were distracting me from something."

Everyone looked down; Shiro tried to hide smile, Matt just looked utterly amused.

"And I'm surprised it needs to be said what interference into someone's relationships is unacceptable and can lead to awful results," she frowned deeper. "But," Lance raised a head questionably. "I must admit Shiro and I weren't exactly...cooperating lately and it might have affected not only Voltron but the mood of a team itself and create a disaster. So I-we must apologize, and-"

"The Princess wanted to say," Shiro continued. "Thank you."

"Wait, so no punishment?" Pidge questioned. "No grounding or something like that whatsoever?"

"Utility and helpfulness of your actions outweighed the possible harm, so you're forgiven." Allura declared. "For now."

"So," Lance smiled slyly. "Can I call Shiro brother already?"

 


	23. You did not break me, I’m still fighting for peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which everyone talks, and by everyone I mean everyone. Also family is important and is not defined by blood connection only.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sha-la-la-la-la-la, my life it a shithole lately, but i'm not dead (though I strongly wish I was)  
> But anyways, that's the last chap, ending everything on a positive note. I love you all and sorry for the awful delay.

He was cornered, Lance realized. Caught unprepared, soft tummy and all.

Something in Shiro’s way too serious expression made Lance think the talk that was waiting for him wouldn't be a very nice one.

“Whatever I've done, it's not me,” he tried.

“Sounds fake, but okay.”

“Did you just-”

“I would like to talk with you,”Shiro interrupted persistently. “If you're free.”

“Uh,” _Think of something, some reason to avoid it, any!_ “Sure thing? Are you going to ask my permission to date Allura? If so, there is no need - I know you are all into old tradition and all that, but the only one whose permission you need is Lura's  and she seems to be pretty into it, and into **you**.”

“It's not about Allura,” Shiro said. “It's about you.”

“Doesn't sound creepy at all. Whatever had happened, I'm sure it's Keith’s fault!”

“You're dating him.”

“Doesn't mean I can't throw him under metaphorical bus first opportunity presented,” Lance shrugged. Shiro sighted with his trademark tired yet affectionate expression on his face, mentality telling the universe how done he is with the whole teens babysitting ordeal.

“You'll be the first one to jump under that bus,” he mentioned. “But it's not about Keith either; it's about me.”

“Uh-huh,” Lance responded. “So whatever serious talk awaits for me, it concerns only you and me. Consider me frightened.”

“And Zarkon.”

“ _And Zarkon_! Consider me close to jesting out of the room with the speed of the light.”

“Lance,” Shiro empathize. “This is serious.”

“I am serious, are _you_ serious?”

“You make it harder than it could be,” Shiro sighed.

“Because something makes me think I won't like this talk. But whatever, the faster we start the faster it'll end; spill the beans.”

Shiro suddenly looked hesitant, borderline uncomfortable.

“You're painful to look at,” Lance winced. “Okay, I'm sure it's not that bad, just tell me what's the problem and let's get this over with.”

“I wanted to ask you something,” Shiro started warily. “Something personal and sensitive.”

“Alright?”

“You're Allura’s younger brother, or rather you were him - is that correct?”

“Uh, yeah, I thought we settled that already?”

“And as much as I'm aware,” Shiro continued. “Prince Ancel was killed by Zarkon, is that true?”

“Again, wasn't that settled earlier?”

“Lance,” Shiro said once again, a dead serious look crossing is face. “Forgive me for asking that; but I couldn't help but notice some pattern...How...If you don't mind me asking, how did Zarkon kill you?”

“What do you mean ‘how?’”

“What was the weapon of the murder?”

And yes, Lance _felt_ this conversation won't lead to anything good.

“Nope,” he said.

“Answer, please,” Shiro insisted. “If you can.”

He finally noticed how strange it was, that Shiro brought his bayard to a peaceful conversation and now was holding into it with the force what would break weaker things.

“Uh,” Lance hesitated. “You know it doesn't mean anything, right? Whatever Zarkon has done and how he did it doesn't affect you because you're the only Black paladin now.”

Shiro kept looking, waiting for the answer; eyebrows frowning deeply in concern. “Okay,” Lance sighed finally. “He stabbed me.”

“With-” “With his bayard, but this doesn't change anything, so don't you dare-”

A little “clank” sound interrupted him; the black bayard meeting the cold surface of the floor. Shiro looked paler than Lance has ever seen him, knuckles white and clenched to his chest.

“Oh,” he said. “Thank you, that’s all I wanted to know.

* * *

“Allura,” Lance barged into the princess room with very little caring of her personal space and privacy only to be met with her excitedly explaining something to Matt. “Hi Matt, enjoying my sister being nerd? Anyway, Allura!”

She stopped gesturing, turning to him. “Is something wrong?” the princess asked worriedly.

“Why, yes! Shiro just cornered me, and inquired how Zarkon killed me, found out it was with the black bayard and then dropped it in the middle of the hall!” Lance waved the mentioned weapon in the air for anticipation. “I swear he's blaming himself now; do something!”

“I see,” she frowned. “I was afraid if that. We have things to do then, don't we?”

Matt nodded in agreement, standing up as well. “Let's find this space emo and _comfort him_.”

Lance chuckled. “I have no idea how you manage to make that sound so threatening.”

* * *

However, that wasn't the end of Lance’s teammates cornering him when he expected it the least.

Hunk and Pidge caught him unprepared next, wearing the same utterly dramatic and serious expressions.

“You're scaring me,” Lance said after a minute of a silent meaningful staring contest. “What's up?”

"We managed to create and maintain a connection to Hypertext Transfer Protocol and other ones," Pidge broke out.

And the world stopped, then spun around, shook Lance’s poor insides and put him back to the ground. Because, _whoa_. If Lance was getting it right, then that meant....

"Wait," Lance's breath hitched. "You mean, the HTTP thing? Like in the internet one; from Earth?" Pidge and Hunk nodded in the unison "And-? Does it-?"

"It works," Hunk answered helpfully. "Pidge already downloaded Skype and contacted their mom; I've never thought such a gentle and fragile looking lady can scream that loud and cry so much. And I called mine after that; it was filled with awful amounts of happy crying experience, I think I'm dehydrated now."

Lance found it hard to breathe.

"Mom grounded me," Pidge scowled. "Can you believe it? I'm in outer space and we've found Matt, but she just _grounded me_  'then you'll get home'. She didn't even ground Matt!"

Lance smiled, a little bit too smitten to appreciate the following after "we have contact with the Earth" information.

"Can I," he gasped for air, not being able to finish.

"Sure," the little saint under the gremlin's cover patted gently over their laptop. "That's why I brought it here. Feel free to do whatever you like, we'll give you some privacy."

"Who are you and what have you done to the little pigeon?" He tried to hide nervous tremor that suddenly consumed his whole being under the usual and familiar smirk.

"And that's the last time I'm being nice to you," Pidge exclaimed in return, and then they hurried to leave the room.

"You'll be fine?" the angel that had stayed asked, looking at Lance from the face of the yellow paladin. "Need me to stay with you, or call for Keith, Allura maybe?"

"I think," it was taking an extremely suspicious amount of effort to make his body function properly, as it was ready to tremble and fall down at any given moment. "I'll be fine. I would prefer to do it myself; alone. No offence, bud."

"None taken," Hunk smiled. "My mom's said hi to you and to make sure you're eating properly, and Ashley wants a story book about our adventures and demands for **you** to write it."

"I love your sister, but she's a little monster," Lance chuckled. "Damn, it would be a hell of a story to write. If we survive."

"And we will," Hunk patted him reassuringly. "Now I'm sure of it."

* * *

Lance sat there for a while, hypnotized by the laptop's screen with Skype's entering form.

He had to put hands between his thighs to stop them from shaking violently. And use the meditation method Allura tried to teach him to train his druid abilities; meditation practice might not helped him at all with that back then, but it sure helped him to calm his breathing down a little.

Then he put his hands the keyboard.

**Login: LanceAlot**

**Password: 12.04.1961**

_...Logging in..._

And, that was it: the loading screen moved to the current news, his icon changed from red to green. Lance breathed in, and...

And a message came.

"Lisa Mcclain" - it said, one incoming message. He almost choked on the air. What time even was it for them?

The other messages followed fast behind the first one. And one more, and then another, and again; a rush of notifications busted through the messengers chat, chimes ringing out for each one. Lance clicked at Lisa's profile hastily, avoiding their chat.

"01:29". He frowned; she was staying up late again.

And then the boy finally clicked the chat.

 **Lisa McClain** : Lance?

 **Lisa McClain** : I've got notif you're online

 **Lisa McClain** : LANCE

 **Lisa McClain** : Please, tell me it's you

 **Lisa Mcclain** : I beg you

 **Lisa Mcclain** : PLEASE

 **Lisa Mcclain** : Be Lance be Lance beLancebelancebe

 **Lisa Mcclain** : If you're not my brother, then where is he???? How did you log in under his acc???? Is he alright is he ALIVE

 **Lisa Mcclain** : Lance

 **Lisa Mcclain** : Or not Lance

 **Lisa Mcclain** : Please, respond

 **Lisa Mcclain** : I SEE YOU'RE ONLINE

 **Lisa Mcclain** : It's important

 **Lisa Mcclain** : If you're not Lance then you might not know but

 **Lisa Mcclain** : My brother disappeared almost a year ago

 **Lisa Mcclain** : 10 months and 3 days from the moment we found out

                      He was a student in the Garrison Galaxy Academy and the official version is a technical error in a training flight and his death

 **Lisa Mcclain:** But like

 **Lisa Mcclain** : They didn't even have a body???

 **Lisa Mcclain** : "No body to recover" BULLSHIT

 **Lisa Mcclain** : So if you know something about him

 **Lisa Mcclain** : Lance McClain, 17, almost 18 tall, lanky, dark skin, short brown hair and blue eyes Lame jokes, very loud. Will die for you if you give him a tiny bit of attention

 **Lisa Mcclain** : Jfc "Will die" is a bad way to word it

                     Whatever

 **Lisa Mcclain** : He probably has changed but

 **Lisa Mcclain** : If you've seen anyone like him

 **Lisa Mcclain** : Please, let me know

                     PLEASE

It was hard to see anything through the blur of the tears streaming down his face.

Lance didn't see her face, didn't even hear her voice; but the manner of the speech, the way she typed It was his sister; his sister he hadn't seen for almost a year, his favorite jokester comrade and fellow meme maker, Lizzy, Lizbeth, Liz.

He was hit by a warm wave of recognition; a full blown storm of worry and fear, an earnest caring of the people who loved him. It was alike to walking to the beach on a sunny day; already reaching the shore line and feeling the scent of the sea brushing all of your senses, but suddenly being hit with a gust of wind and sand, getting it into your mouth and eyes.

His eyes were starting to burn and his mouth was growing dry; but you could see the ocean, feel the ocean and even - _be_ the ocean.

It was bittersweet taste of a home in the distance, just waiting for you to return.

Like a million faint strings, connecting Lance to his family suddenly grew stronger, tightening and filling with color, cutting a little bit painfully into his skin.

He lowered fingers on a keyboard once again.

 **Lance McClain** : Hi, Liz.

 **Lance McClain** : it's me

* * *

"Stop screaming at me, you'll wake up the whole house!"

"Don't tell me what to do, you- you, _power ranger in the space_! We thought you were done for good, you intergalactic jerk!"

"Hey, I didn't want to leave you behind, but saving the universe duty didn't actually ask me if I wanted to go!"

"You could have called!"

"I am doing it right now! You think it was easy to make the internet work iN OUTER SPACE SEVERAL GALAXIES AWAY??"

* * *

"Shiro," Lance burst through the door in the middle of Keith's and Shiro's sparring match. "Do you want to talk with your mom?"

"What?" The said man asked, clearly confused.

"Internet!" Lance exclaimed, not bothering to control the volume of his voice. "Pidge and Hunk did something and now we have access to Earth’s World Wide Web technologies! You can write or even call your mom; she thinks you've been dead for ages!"

"I am," Shiro hesitated, deactivating his bayard. "Not sure it's the best idea."

"Oh, come on! You might be the oldest of us, but that doesn't mean you're not missing your family! Contact her! Just imagine; she was alone, with you being dead and Keith being kicked out of Garrison and gone for years; can you imagine how lonely she has to feel?"

"Why did you get me into this?" Keith raised an eyebrow, Shiro and Lance both looked at him as if he just announced that he was growing another pair of limbs.

"Um," Lance mumbled. "Because she's your foster mom and legal guardian?"

"I don't think Ayako cares," Keith shuddered. "I'm not apart of her family in anything but official documents."

"Yes you are." Shiro frowned. "Keith, do you really think mom doesn't care about you at all; have you been thinking that this the entire time?" He got closer, putting both of his hands on Keith's shoulders. "Have you even contacted her while I was gone?"

"No," now the red paladin sounded confused. "Why would I?"

Shiro sighed helplessly. "Come on," he said "Let's call our mom, she's probably worried sick."

* * *

Lance felt the bed dip under the weight of another body. Keith sighed, reaching for the blanket and trying to get comfortable.

"Hey," the blue paladin asked, turning to his boyfriend and trying to read his expression under the shadow of Castle's night. "You alright?"

Keith hadn't responded right away, just breathing rhythmically, out and in; and Lance thought he wouldn't get any response, then he sighed and spoke up.

"It was," Keith's voice sounded hoarse, cracked and very exhausted. "Tiring. Ayako cried a lot and she kept repeating that I've completely disappeared after the Kerberos incident and that she had no idea if she had any sons left at all. She kept trying to reach to us through the screen and commented on every single new detail she noticed; also we've agreed to visit home to new year's eve apparently, because you _can't possibly_ explain to Ayako what you're saving the world and can't have a small light years long trip home to-" he stopped suddenly. "I said ‘home.’"

"You did," Lance confirmed.

Keith sighed deeply. "I wasn't going to, it just slid off my tongue; Ayako's home is not mine, only Shiro's. But _she_ _was crying_ and she kept repeating our names in the same single rhythm, as if there is very little difference in us for her, and for a moment I...I forgot that I'm just a stranger."

"Keith," Lance leaned closer to him, finding warm violet eyes even under the darkness of sleep time. "You're not a stranger: not for Shiro or his mother. She clearly cares about you, why can't you admit it?"

"Because people never stay," Keith frowned. "Ayako wasn't the first foster parent I've had; it always ends just the same - they leave."

It was physically hurtful, to hear him talk about it as about long figured fact.

"No one is leaving you this time, "Lance tried. " _No one_ is leaving you behind."

"Even my own parents did!" Keith sounded irritated now, voice higher. "Shiro tries to convince me mom has done it to protect me, from the Galra Empire and all; not sure if I fully believe it though. But dad; he just... He just _left_ , for no reason whatsoever other than growing tired of me. You'd think there is something in me that made him do that-"

"Your dad was a jerk." Lance cut him off a little bit too vigorously. "Probably still is. An absolute jerkish jerk wrapped into a dick package. Honestly, fuck him; who cares about this man anyway? You are loved by us, you have a family, and we're not leaving you. I'm staying, Shiro is staying, Pidge’s is already convinced you're their other brother, Hunk will hug you until you accept him as a part of your family, Allura trusts you and managed to step over her conflict with your heritage because she cares about you, I suspect Coran secretly adopted us all, and me..." He sighed. "I'm here for a long run; ‘till death tears us apart’ ideally. I'm...This is not just some space fluke, okay; I've already told everyone about us and I want you to meet my family in person and me to meet Ayako-"

"Till death tears us apart," Keith hummed. "Sounds like a proposal."

"Wha-? No, I mean- Not right now, but like; theoretically, in the future? I-I wouldn't mind. To call you my husband. Deep into the future; then we older and hotter - especially me, of course - and have won against the Empire, we could, maybe, settle down. Get a nice small house somewhere near the beach, a dog, two sassy cats named after our lions, maybe, even in the farther future, kids? I-In theory. I would like that, would you like that?"

It was suddenly very hot, almost too hot to breathe; Lance felt dangerously close to combusting right there and then.

Keith, somehow sensing his struggle, put a calming, cool palm in his check. "You're a sap," he whispered gently, but not without some teasing.

"I would suck as a parent: no idea how to handle kids, but yeah. I’d like to; somewhere in the future, theoretically."

"Yeah?" Lance asked. "With a small terrace and you having dark as your eyes coffee in the morning, while I refusing to leave the bed until I've been dragged out of it? With a lot of fluffy pillows and three spare blankets because, seriously, you're the biggest blanket hog I've met. Would you...like something like this? I must remind you: I'm an inevitable and necessary part of that scenario," he added. "Would you want it; to have me, for a long run?"

"Only if you'll have me," Keith barely murmured, before he moved forward, connecting their lips in something more sensitive than a normal kiss. When he pulled back a bit later he said "I think I would like that very much," in a soft, whispered tone, onto Lance's lips.

Lance closed his eyes, exhaling happily. "It's decided then: I'm not going anywhere," he concluded. 

* * *

The universe kept running, stars kept shining, Galra Empire kept being dicks in the militia package, and the space castle kept flying though the space to meet other struggles and fights.

Sam Holt was nowhere to be found, Lotor stayed in charge of the Empire; irritatated and more than ever ready to destroy all innocent worlds and lives after the blue paladin's escape.

Earth with it's inhabitats was far far away, and five - now six - humans in the company of two alteans and Slav had a lot of things - good and bad - waiting for them in the future.

And yet... Everything was fine.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pssst. Google Lance's password. I'm space nerd and so is Lance
> 
> And...what is this warm fluffiness, why do I always slide into it???  
> Long story short. This is the end, folks. A lot of shit stayed unresolved for the team, but i'm sure they'll handle it. Now, since they have each other.  
> It was a long run; full of "what is the plot???" struggles, fighting with grammar, real life, responsibilities and trying to fit everything what just kept growing into detailed story in my mind into words, but this is it. The end. Titles are starting to run, everyone is crying (I know I'm crying).  
> Thank you for all amazing support you gave me! <3 See you next time.


End file.
